From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 Teh snaik wuz teh sneekiest (an snakiest) animul dat Ceiling Cat mayd. Teh snaik sed to teh gurl, "'No eat froot,' Ceiling Cat says? 'Or u die,' Ceiling Cat says?"
6 Teh gurl saw teh froot had a flavr, an it lookd yummy. It wud giv her sum morulz, too. So she nom-nom-nomd teh froot. She gaev sum to teh boi, an he nom-nom-nomd teh froot too.7 Then thay got morulz, so it didnt taek too long to figgur owt thay wuz naked. Boi an gurl maded sumfin owt of leevz to keep teh praivits praivit.8 Wen thay heerd Ceiling Cat chasin buttrfliez in teh gardn, thay jumpd in a bush to plai hide-an-seek, xcept thay hopd Ceiling Cat wud frget bout teh "seek" part. He didnt.
9 Ceiling Cat sed, "Boi? Boi?? BOI!!!"
10 Boi sed, "Ohai. I heerd u ovr thare, but i freekd owt cuz i wuz naked, so i hid in teh bush."
11 An he said, hoo told u dat u was ta NOM teh holy fud? I waz injoyin watchin you be not NOMin. Did youz eated ov teh tree, dat I told u dat iz not ok u eatz ov?
12 An teh man said, teh woman u gave me saw teh tree An told 'bout it to me. At first I was liek "Noes!" but then, I was layk NOM NOM NOM. srsly.
13 An Ceiling Cat said unto teh woman, wat did u dun? An teh woman said, teh snakez playdid dirty trick on me, An i eated it. It taysts gud, but that not poynt.
14 An Ceiling Cat sed unto teh snakez, "cuz u did dis,
- cursd u aboov all teh moocows,
- An aboov every one of those 4 leggd things that sumwun maked round here;
- upon ur belly u gun walk An I gun take ur legs
- An geev them to teh French 2 eatz An this is wut they gun eatz An they gun call it "Frawgs leegz",
- An dust shalt u NOMin. srsly
- all teh dais ov ur life
- An u no getz no cookies to eated. An no cheezburgers neither. Srsly.
15 An im gonna put liek badnis An stuff
- tween u An teh woman,
- An tween yr seedz An her seedz;
- he shall broose ur head,
- An u gun broose his heel.
16 Unto teh woman he said,
- "im gun make ure babiez hurt alot An cause pain An hurtynis An stuff;
- in pain u gun brin forth childrenz.
- An ur badnes shall b 2 ur husband,
- An he gun pwn u and ask for beers and sammiches."
17 An unto adam he said, because u hast listend to her An hast eated teh tree wut i tellz u U NO NOMZ!
- "cursd iz teh grownd cuz of u
- An u is b wrkin ur buttz off ur hol life
- An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now
18 thorns also An thistlez gun it brin forth 2 u;
- An u gun eat teh herb ov teh field dat u wrkd ure butt off fur. (but all teh good weedz dat iz liek catnipz 4 peepz is b illegalz An stuff lol);
19 in teh sweatz ov ur face
- u gun eat bread An u no can has cheezburgerz n Gatorade,
- till u return unto teh ground like when poopz r buried in litterz,
- 4 out ov it wast thou taken;
- 4 dust u r,
- An dust u gun return."
20 An teh man calld his womenz name eve; cuz she was teh mothr of all livn' and cuz if he nameded her bertha he woulda benn lold at all da tyme
21 An Ceiling Cat maded 4 adam An 4 his wife coats ov skeens, An clothid 'em.22 An Ceiling Cat said, behold, teh man iz become as 1 ov us , 2 knoe gud An evil; An nao, lest he put forth his hand, An taek teh cheezburgerz ov teh tree ov life, An eat, An liv 4 evr mor.23 Ther4 Ceiling Cat sent him forth fum teh garden ov eden, 2 till teh grawnd fum where he wuz took. An it suxxd cuz ther wasnt no uniteded farmwrkar union.24 So he pwnzordz teh man; An he placeded at teh east ov teh garden ov eden teh cherubim An stuff, An teh flaming (lol) sword which turned everywherez (an if yu evar caem up 2 teh sword den it wuld flaem u on teh intarwebs an u wuldnt git no cookies or cheezburgerz eithr, srsly).
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