Genesis 3

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m (Reverted edits by Texture (Talk); changed back to last version by Ssh)
m (Typo: changed "yooyun" to "yoonyun". (Verse 23) - It was just hard to understand spelt as yooyun, so I'm pretty sure it was just a typo.)
 
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[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 3]]
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 3]]
{{Old Testament}}
{{Old Testament}}
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===== Bad Kittehs =====
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=====Sneeky Snaik trikz Boi an Gurl=====
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{{verse
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|1=Nao teh snakez wuz mor shneakay than any beest ov teh field which Ceiling Cat had made. An he meowed unto teh woman, liek I herd that Ceiling Cat said, u shall not eated frum any tree ov teh garden? Even dem trees on dat plate?
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|1=Sneeky snaik is sneeky. Teh snaik sed to teh gurl, "'No eat froot,' Ceiling Cat says? 'Or u die,' Ceiling Cat says?"
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|2=An teh woman said unto teh snakez, i can haz froot ov teh garden!
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|2=An teh gurl sed, "We can has froot.
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|3=But we no can has froot frum teh tree in teh middl of teh gardn. Ceiling Cat sez, 'If u tuch it or nom it, ull die. So pawz off.'"
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|3=but ov teh fruit ov teh tree which iz in teh midel ov teh garden, Ceiling Cat sez, dun eatz it cuz if u eatz it he mek u ded.  
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|4=An teh snakez sed unto teh womenz, he no mek u ded:
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|4=Teh snaik lol'd an sed, "U wont die frum froot, srsly.
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|5=Ceiling Cat just sed dat cuz teh froot will maek u guyz smart. U guyz wud be ceiling catz, cuz u wud has morulz!
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|5=4 Ceiling Cat noes dat, teh dai u eat dat froot, den u gon b able to c, An u be liek Ceiling Cat, knowin gud An evil. An dis froot, it has a flavr.
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{{verse
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|6=An when teh woman saw dat teh tree wuz gud 4 fud with flavr an everything, An dat it wuz cool 2 teh eyez, An dat teh tree wuz 2 b desird 2 make man wise, she nom nom nom its froot; An she gaev sum 2 Adam, An he eated da froot.
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|6=Teh gurl saw teh froot had a flavr, an it lookd yummy. It wud giv her sum morulz, too. So she nom-nomd teh froot. She gaev sum to teh boi, an he nom-nomd teh froot too.
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|7=Then thay got morulz, so it didnt taek too long to figgur owt thay wuz naked. Boi an gurl maded sumfin owt of leevz to keep teh praivits praivit.
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|7=An teh eyez ov them both were opend, An they knew dat their harbls were showin An stuff cuz Ceiling Cat didnt gaev dem no furz liek teh aminals; An they sewd sum fig-leavez togethr, An made themselvez clofs. Eve even maded firs thong but was vry vry itchy. srsly.  
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|8=Wen thay heerd Ceiling Cat chasin buttrfliez in teh gardn, thay jumpd in a bush to plai hide-an-seek, xcept thay hopd Ceiling Cat wud frget bout teh "seek" part. He didnt.
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{{verse
{{verse
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|8=An they heard teh meow ov Ceiling Cat walkin in teh garden in teh kewl ov teh dai: An teh man An his wife hided themselvez fum Ceiling Cat amongst teh treez ov teh garden.
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|9=Ceiling Cat sed, "Boi? Boi?? BOI!!!"
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|9=An Ceiling Cat calld unto teh man, An meowed unto him, "xqz me, wtf u just eated"?
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|10=An he said, i heard yo voice in teh garden, An i wuz scareded, because i wuz nakid An stuff; An i hided and did not want 4 u to see mah harbls kthx.  
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|10=Boi sed, "O hai. I heerd u ovr thare, but ai freekd owt cuz ai wuz naked, so ai hid in teh bush."
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{{verse
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|11=An he said, hoo told u dat u was nakid? I waz injoyin watchin you be nakids. hast thou eaten ov teh tree, dat I told u dat iz not ok u eatz ov?  
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|11=Ceiling Cat sed, "Wayt a minit! How did u fynd owt? U didnt nom teh bannd froot, did u?"
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{{verse
{{verse
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|12=An teh man said, teh woman u gave me saw teh tree An told 'bout it to me. At first I was liek "Noes!" but then, I was layk NOM NOM NOM.
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|12=Boi said, "Rmembr teh gurl u mayd for me? Ai onli eated teh froot cuz she gaev it to me."
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{{verse
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|13=An Ceiling Cat said unto teh woman, wat did u dun? An teh woman said, teh snakez playdid dirty trick on me, An i eated it.  
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|13=Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "U did WUT?" Gurl said, "Teh snaik playd durty trik on me, an ai eated teh froot. It taystd gud, but dat not poynt."
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[[Image:gtfo.jpg|thumb|275px|left|No srsly.]]
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[[Image:Gtfo.jpg|thumb|275px|left|Ceiling Cat banishiz Boi an Gurl frum teh gardn of Eden.]]
{{verse
{{verse
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|14=An Ceiling Cat sed unto teh snakez, "cuz u did dis,  
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|14=Ceiling Cat sed to teh snaik, "Cuz u did dis, ur cursd aboov all teh moocows an farm animulz!!! Ur gonna moov on yur belly forevah, cuz ai gonna taek ur legs an giv dem to teh Chinese to eat!!!! Ur gonna havta eet durt forevah!!!!!
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:: cursd u aboov all teh moocows,  
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|15=Im gonna maik gurlz afrayd of snaikz, an teh macho boiz will skwish u on teh hed to impress them, an u will nom thair foot. Srsly."
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:: An aboov every one of those 4 leggd things that evolvd round here;
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:: upon ur belly u gun walk An I gun take ur legs
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:: An geev them to teh French 2 eatz An this is wut they gun eatz An they gun call it "Frawgs leegz",
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:: An dust shalt u eated
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:: all teh dais ov ur life
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:: An u no getz no cookies to eated. An no cheezburgers neither. Srsly.
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{{verse
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|15=An im gonna put liek enmity An stuff
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|16=Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "Ur gonna hav sum srs hurtz wen u giv birfs to yur kittehs. An frum nou on, yur hubs iz gonna rool ovr u, an u hav to do wat he sayz.
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:: tween u An teh woman,
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:: An tween thy seedz An her seedz;
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:: he shall broose ur head,
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:: An u gun broose his heel.
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|16=Unto teh woman he said,
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|17=Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "Cuz u listnd to teh gurl insted of me, teh grownd iz cursd, an ull b wrkin ur buttz off ur hol life. An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now.
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:: "im gun make babies hurt alot An cause pain An stuff;
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|18=Ull hav to get rid of weedz to grow stufs, an ull hav to eat teh farm plantz.
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:: in pain u gun brin forth childrenz.
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|19=Ur gonna hafta swet leik crazee if u wantz cheezburgerz. An itll b leik dat until u die an turn bak into durt, cuz datz ware u caim frum anywai."
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:: An ur WANT shall b 2 ur husband,
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:: An he gun pwn u and ask for beers and sammiches."
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|17=An unto adam he said, because u hast listend to her An hast eated teh tree wut i tellz u U NO EATZ!
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|20=Teh boi naymd his gurl Eve cuz she wuz teh mothr of all ppl (an also cuz if he naymd her Bertha he woulda been lol'd at all da tiem).
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:: "cursd iz teh grawnd cuz of u
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|21=It wuz gettin rly awkwurd, so Ceiling Cat mayd sum clothz for dem.
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:: An u is b wrkin ur ass off ur hol life
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|22=An Ceiling Cat said, "Lookie, thay iz leik us, cuz thaye has morulz! Letz do sumfin so thay wont taek teh cheezburgerz of teh tree of happee, cuz then thay wud liv forevah! Dat wud b bad."
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:: An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now
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|23=So Ceiling Cat kicked teh boi outta teh gardn to be a farmr. An it stinkd cuz ther wasnt no farmwurkor yoonyun yet.
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:: srsly.
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|24=Wen thay wuz owt, Ceiling Cat put sum birdkats an a rly sharp buttrnaif at teh welcom sign, so no kittehs wud get to teh tree of happee an nom teh cheezburgerz. Evah.
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{{verse
 
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|18=thorns also An thistlez gun it brin forth 2 u;
 
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:: An u gun eat teh herb ov teh field (but all teh good weedz dat iz liek catnipz 4 peepz is b illegalz An stuff lol);
 
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{{verse
 
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|19=in teh sweatz ov ur face
 
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:: u gun eat bread An u no can has Gatorade,
 
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:: till u return unto teh ground like when turds r buried in litterz,
 
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:: 4 out ov it wast thou taken;
 
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:: 4 dust u r,
 
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:: An dust u gun return."
 
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{{verse
 
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|20=An teh man calld his womenz name eve; cuz she was teh mothr of all livn' and cuz if he nameded her bertha he woulda benn lol all da tyme
 
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|21=An Ceiling Cat maded 4 adam An 4 his wife coats ov skeens, An clothid 'em.
 
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|22=An Ceiling Cat said, behold, teh man iz become as 1 ov us, 2 knoe gud An evil; An nao, lest he put forth his hand, An taek also ov teh tree ov life, An eat, An liv 4 evr mor.
 
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|23=Ther4 Ceiling Cat sent him forth fum teh garden ov eden, 2 till teh grawnd fum where he wuz took. An it suxxd cuz ther wasnt no uniteded farmwrkar union.
 
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|24=So he droov out teh man; An he placeded at teh east ov teh garden ov eden teh cherubim An stuff, An teh flaming (lol) sword which turned everywherez.
 
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[http://www.soundupload.com/audio/8pv7r7dcnwjh8kj Audio version (courtesy bcdm)]
 
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 3]]
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 3]]
{{Bottom Bar|NextBook=[[Exodus]]|NextChap=[[Genesis 4]]|PrevChap=[[Genesis 2]]}}
{{Bottom Bar|NextBook=[[Exodus]]|NextChap=[[Genesis 4]]|PrevChap=[[Genesis 2]]}}

Latest revision as of 07:05, 29 December 2011

Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Sneeky Snaik trikz Boi an Gurl

1 Sneeky snaik is sneeky. Teh snaik sed to teh gurl, "'No eat froot,' Ceiling Cat says? 'Or u die,' Ceiling Cat says?"

2 An teh gurl sed, "We can has froot.3 But we no can has froot frum teh tree in teh middl of teh gardn. Ceiling Cat sez, 'If u tuch it or nom it, ull die. So pawz off.'"

4 Teh snaik lol'd an sed, "U wont die frum froot, srsly.5 Ceiling Cat just sed dat cuz teh froot will maek u guyz smart. U guyz wud be ceiling catz, cuz u wud has morulz!

6 Teh gurl saw teh froot had a flavr, an it lookd yummy. It wud giv her sum morulz, too. So she nom-nomd teh froot. She gaev sum to teh boi, an he nom-nomd teh froot too.7 Then thay got morulz, so it didnt taek too long to figgur owt thay wuz naked. Boi an gurl maded sumfin owt of leevz to keep teh praivits praivit.8 Wen thay heerd Ceiling Cat chasin buttrfliez in teh gardn, thay jumpd in a bush to plai hide-an-seek, xcept thay hopd Ceiling Cat wud frget bout teh "seek" part. He didnt.

9 Ceiling Cat sed, "Boi? Boi?? BOI!!!"

10 Boi sed, "O hai. I heerd u ovr thare, but ai freekd owt cuz ai wuz naked, so ai hid in teh bush."

11 Ceiling Cat sed, "Wayt a minit! How did u fynd owt? U didnt nom teh bannd froot, did u?"

12 Boi said, "Rmembr teh gurl u mayd for me? Ai onli eated teh froot cuz she gaev it to me."

13 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "U did WUT?" Gurl said, "Teh snaik playd durty trik on me, an ai eated teh froot. It taystd gud, but dat not poynt."

Ceiling Cat banishiz Boi an Gurl frum teh gardn of Eden.

14 Ceiling Cat sed to teh snaik, "Cuz u did dis, ur cursd aboov all teh moocows an farm animulz!!! Ur gonna moov on yur belly forevah, cuz ai gonna taek ur legs an giv dem to teh Chinese to eat!!!! Ur gonna havta eet durt forevah!!!!!15 Im gonna maik gurlz afrayd of snaikz, an teh macho boiz will skwish u on teh hed to impress them, an u will nom thair foot. Srsly."

16 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "Ur gonna hav sum srs hurtz wen u giv birfs to yur kittehs. An frum nou on, yur hubs iz gonna rool ovr u, an u hav to do wat he sayz.

17 Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "Cuz u listnd to teh gurl insted of me, teh grownd iz cursd, an ull b wrkin ur buttz off ur hol life. An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now.18 Ull hav to get rid of weedz to grow stufs, an ull hav to eat teh farm plantz.19 Ur gonna hafta swet leik crazee if u wantz cheezburgerz. An itll b leik dat until u die an turn bak into durt, cuz datz ware u caim frum anywai."

20 Teh boi naymd his gurl Eve cuz she wuz teh mothr of all ppl (an also cuz if he naymd her Bertha he woulda been lol'd at all da tiem).21 It wuz gettin rly awkwurd, so Ceiling Cat mayd sum clothz for dem.22 An Ceiling Cat said, "Lookie, thay iz leik us, cuz thaye has morulz! Letz do sumfin so thay wont taek teh cheezburgerz of teh tree of happee, cuz then thay wud liv forevah! Dat wud b bad."23 So Ceiling Cat kicked teh boi outta teh gardn to be a farmr. An it stinkd cuz ther wasnt no farmwurkor yoonyun yet.24 Wen thay wuz owt, Ceiling Cat put sum birdkats an a rly sharp buttrnaif at teh welcom sign, so no kittehs wud get to teh tree of happee an nom teh cheezburgerz. Evah.

Genesis 3
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