Genesis 28

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Old Testament

1 Isaac gived Jacob much cheezburgerz n sed "U no do PENIS GOES WHERE? wif Canaanite woman2 GTFO 2 Paddan Aram where U grandpop livez, n marry 1 uv ur cousinz"3 Ceiling cat maek shur she no has INVISIBLE DIAPHRAM so she meak a hole town o kidz.4 Ceiling cat will giv U all cheeszburgerz n landz 2."5 Isaac sez "GTFO KTHXBAI"

6 Esau wuz sittin in the ceiling n herded this7 n watched Jacob GTFO8 n knowed hiz dad DID NOT WANT Canaanites9 so he married 1 for the lulz (he just puted her in hiz harem wit da Hittites)

Jacob HAS A Dream at Bethel

10 Jacob GTFO Beersheba n goed to Haran11 he stopped whun it got darkiez n sleeped on a rock12 he had-ed a dream; he saw teh stairway to heaven n there wuz lotz of kitteh on it13 n up top lookin out from a hole in teh ceiling wuz Ceiling Cat he sez "I R Ceiling Cat, Watchin U Dreamz. U CAN HAS the land wheres U be sleepin"14 Ur DNA gonna be leik radioactive fallout, Ur gonna be everywhar, n U all CAN HAS CHEEZBURGERZ"15 I R Ceiling Cat, Watchin U wander n I maek sure U dont get losted."

16 When he waked up he all like "OMG!1!! Ceiling cat be here!17 This place be stairway to heaven, where Zeppelin be at?"

18 neXt mornin he putted oilz on the rock he wuz sleepin on19 he callded that place Bethel (but it wuz already calleded Luz IN B4 the Bethel; EPIC FAIL!!).

20 then he sez "If Ceiling cat giveh me cheezburgez then21 n getz me back home, I'll belive in hims.22 n I'll maek a cat box on this rock n U can has 0.1 cash back.

Genesis 28
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