From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 Isaac gotted olded n blinded he sez YO Esau, Easu sez "sup?"
5 Rebeka wuz leik watchin him speak soes after Esau goez out to the sandwormz,6 she sez 2 Jacob "I wuz watchin daddy sey to Esau, n he sed7 'Gimmeh sun delicious cakez n I giveh U cheezburgerz wif Ceiling cat watchin.'8 so do dis:9 Gimmeh 2 goatse, n I makes delicious cakez outta dem.10 n give 2 daddi n say U CAN HAS DELICIOUS CAKEZ so he giveh U cheezburgerz n be in before ban (ded).
13 Mom sez "I'll take teh cockmongle 4 U, trust me KTHNXBAI"
14 so he getz 2 goatse an givem to mom n she maek delicious cake.15 n she crossdress Jacob in Essau clotheses16 n stapled goatse skinz on Jacob's handz n neck17 den she gived him delicious cakez n cookiez she maided.
18 Jacob wented to daddie n sez Yo
- daddie sez WTMeow? WRU?
19 Jacob sed "I R Esau, 1st ploop U CAN HAS MY DELICIOUS CAKEZ n COOKIEZ, CAN I HAS CHEEZBURGER?"
20 Isaac sez "Dung, that wuz fast, where use find it?", Jacob sez "I gots it from Ceiling Cat"
21 Isaac sed "comeh, lemmie touch U so i know if U R furfag Esau"
22 Jacob let daddi touch him n daddi sed "U sound leik Jacob but ur bikini area feels liek Esau.23 He did not recognize hims cuse bikini areas feelz same n furry, so I can gived U cheezburgerz.24 "R U rly Esau?" he sed
- 0 rly
25 "Gimmeh somez delicious cakez n cookiez n i gives U cheezburgerz"
- Isaac CAN HAS DELICIOUS CAKEZ n COOKIEZ n BEERZ26 den daddi sez "mere, gimmeh kiss" ewwwwwwwww
27 Jacob does visible kiss with Isaac, when Isaac smellz Jacob he sez:
- U smell leik field n poop
- poop from Ceiling cat
28 "Ceiling cat gonna maek U wet
- and he be poopin on ur land
- so u gets good foodz n beerz
29 landz will serve U
- peoplz will bend ovar 4 U
- U can beat up ur brotherz
- Ur momz kidz will bend ovar 2
- dems who curse u will bw beaten
- dems who giveh cheezburger will get cheezburger (NO U)
32 Isaac sez; "WTMeow? WRU? we did this B4", Esau sez "I B ME"
33 Isaac sed "WTMeow? I yust gave cheezburgerz to the last bastard who wuz here, ur AFU"
34 Esau sed "WTMeow!!1!!1!!! gimmeh cheezburgerz too OMFG, BOHICA"
35 Isaac sez "sry d00d, ur SOL"
36 Esau sed "yo, U named him Jacob (Bibul speak 4 he decieves) He bited me 2 timez, he tooked mai Inhertance n now he eated my cheezburger, you do no has cheezburger 4 me?"
37 Isaac sez, "sorry, ur SOL"
38 Esau goes "WTMeow? CAN I HAS CHEEZBURGER?" n doos tearz.
39 Isaac sez;
- ur house
- has no cheezburgerz
- n no beerz
40 ur gonna be ready 4 brawl
- but ur be protectin ur brudder
- but when /b is boring
- U beat hiz butt
- offs ur face"
Jacob Flees to Laban
41 Esau wuz pissed, he sez "Imma go columbine on Jacob ASAP"
46 Rebecka sed "I already gotz me 2 hittite slut DIL's DO NOT WANT! If Jacob do PENIS GOES WHERE? wif a hittite, I be an hero"
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