Genesis 26

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Old Testament
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Isaac and Abimelech

 1 Now there wus no foods an mices to eated in the land so Isaac meats Abimelech top cat of the Philistines in Gerar.2 Ceiling Cat sez to Isaac U can not goes to Egypt, U live wheres I tells U 2 live3 Stay here an U CAN HAS CHEEZBURGRZ n COOKIEZ n CAKES. Laterz I gives U all these landz4 U n ur kitteh can has all this landz an CHEEZBURGERZ too5 cause ur dad Abraham dids whats I tolded him to6 So Isaac stayed in Gerar.

 7 Sum d00dz livin there axed him bout hiz wife Rebeka, n he sed "She mai sister" cause she so buteamus n l00k leik Natalie Portman covered in hot grits he wuz afraid they eated him and make him teh ded.

 8 After a loooong time, Abimelech king of the Philistines saw Isaac strkin Rebeka's hairbol9 Abimelech sez "d00d1!!1!!, WTF? ur sister? ewwwww thats nasty", Isaac say "I say my sister cause i do not want to be teh ded". n Abimelech thought Deja-vous genesis_20#2

 10 n Abimelech sez "d00d!1! whut if 1 of my guys did PENIS GOES WHERE on hers, thats leik INVISIBLE ERROR"

 11 an he continud "Any my n00bs touch her gets teh ded"

 12 Isaac growd lots of fruitzors An vegbatels an cheezburgerz n they was many cause Ceiling Cat leiked him.13 He gots rich14 He gots real rich n teh Philistines got pissed15 so teh Philistines were leik "I'n in ur waterz pluggin up ur holez.

 16 So Abimelech sez 2 Isaac, "GTFO ur gots teh powerz"

 17 Isaac goed to teh Valley of Gerar.18 he was leik I'm in mai holez unpluggin mai waterz taht teh Philistines plugged up n got waterz.

 19 they even gots waterz from holes tehy maded in teh valley20 But d00dz from Gerar sed "theys our waterz, U no can has", so he call it Esek21 nother hole but Gerar sez "U no can has", he calls that 1 Sitnah22 yet nother hole, but no 1 sez "no can has" so he call it Rehoboth (leik beach but hole) n sed "Ceiling cat sez I CAN HAS waters n landz n we happy"

 23 He goes to Beersheba24 Ceiling Cat sez Yo 'member me? I wus wif ur dad Abraham, don't be scairded, I gives U cheezburgerz n cakes n stuff, n U gets moar kitteh"

 25 Isaac builded a cat tree and callded Ceiling Cat n maded a hole for waterz near where he putted hiz tent

 26 Abimelech comed from Gerar, wif Ahuzzath hiz adviser n Phicol army type d00d.27 Isaac sez "WTF U here 4? U tells me to GTFO?"

 28 They sez, "d00d, U got Ceiling Cat on ur side, letz be BFF n prove it wif a treaty.29 I no eated you and you no eated us K? cause U HAS CHEEZBURGERZ"

 30 Isaac maded Cheezburgerz n cookies n foods and they eated them31 tehn dey sweard oath and Isaac sed "GTFO".

 32 laterz on same day, Isaac's d00dz dig waterz hole and findz FREE BEERZ!!1!!! They sez "l00k, wees founded the creative commons"33 so he callz it Shibah, n teh town be Beersheba.

 34 An when Esau wuz frty he wuz all "I can has marry" an he marieed Judith doter of Beeri (no drink!) an Basemath deh doter of Elon.35 An Issac an Rebekah sez, "DO NO WANT!"

Genesis 26
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