Genesis 21

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Old Testament
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Da burf uf Isaac

1 An Ceiling Cat hangeded wif Sarah an wuz all liek, "O hai, j00 can get teh preggers now, kthxbai,"2 An she gaiv burf even tho she wuz all old an stuffz.3 Abraham calleded his son Isaac, cuz that's joospeek for "he laffs."4 An Abraham cut Isaac's penis tip cuz Ceiling Cat lieks to see dat kinda stuffz.5 Abraham wuz hunderd yeers old at da time.

6 An Sarah sayed, "Ceiling Cat bringz teh LOLz!!1!1!!!eleventeen!!!17 Whoda thunk it?? Im all old, but Ceiling Cat restorded ma ovaries."

Hagar an Ishmael GTFO

8 An Isaac gru and stopped suxx0r on Sarah's tittee, so Abraham wuz all laik, "Let's partee an eatum da cheezburgrz!!1!"9 An Sarah sawed Ishmael bein liek, "Nyah nyah!!"10 So she told Abraham 2 tell Hagar the slavezor and her n00b son to GTFO, cuz she didn't want them to has no cheezburgrz.

11 Abraham sayed, "wtf?!?!? No cheezburgrz?"12 But Ceiling Cat tolded him, "Don't wurry bout those n00bs. Do what Sarah tellz U, becuz they getz to has no cheezburgrz now. DO NOT WANT! Isaac gets thum all. DOES WANT!13 Ishmael will getz cheezburgrz l8r when he becomes all h4xx0r n stuffz. srsly."

14 Abraham tooked sum cookize n waterz and putted it on Hagar's shoulderz and sended her off wif the boi. She was in ur deserts lookin for ur waterz. srsly, it was called Beersheba.

15 She no can find waters and put boi under a bush16 and cry cause she dont wanna see boi get ded and dry up like prune

17 Kitteh hearz boi cry (sound like kitteh) and sez "sup Hagar? no be skered, Ceiling cat be hearin it too.18 pls get him and he can has cheezburgerz cause he is h4xx0r now."

19 Kitteh make waterz (no not that kind, teh kind U can drink), so U CAN HAS waterz and not dry out and l00k like prune. srsly, it happen.

20 Ceiling cat was BFF and hung out wif teh boi. He lived in ur desert and has bow and arrow21 Desert called Paran n mom gots him an egyptian bride (she walk like egyptian, prolly smell like 1 2).

The Treaty at Beersheba

22 Meanwiles Abimelech and Phicol teh commander of his forces sez to Abraham, "ur BFF with Ceiling cat K?23 swear U not be like NO CAN HAS to me or anything wif my DNA, U be like CAN HAS cheezburgerz n cookiez n happy leik I dids to U."

24 Abraham sez "K BFF kthnx"

25 Abraham emo bout waterz Abimelech's servants had pwnd.26 Abimelech sez "WHUT? WHENZ? HUH? WTF?"

27 Abraham getz sum sheepz an moocows n a cookie and they make treaty.28 and getz 7 ewes (babi girl sheepz)29 Abimelech sez WTF? sheepz, I no wanna HARBL GOES WHERE.

30 Abraham sez "sheepz mean I made hole 4 waterz ur doodz pwnd."

31 So nows that place called Beersheba cause those doodz sweared oath there (Beersheba iz funny bibbel naim 4 well ov 7 or well ov oath, we not rly shur).

32 then Abimelech and Phicol the commander uv forces returned 2 land of Philistines.33 Abraham planted a tamarisk tree in Beersheba, n hung out wif Ceiling cat.34 n he stayed in teh Philistines for a loooooooooong time.

Genesis 21
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