From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 So datz how teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem. 2 An on Caturday, Ceiling Cat was dun makin al dat stuf; an he restd, thinkn uv how awsum it wuz.3 An to clbrate, Ceiling Cat made Caturday speshl, an sed "Do not want bad stuf on Caturday"; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk creatin and makin cool stuf.
Boi An Gurl
4 Anywayz, here ar teh peepl Ceiling Cat made when teh skyz an teh Urfs wur reddy.
5 Urfs had no farm plantz n farm catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no maek rainz yet, but iz ok cuz kittehs DUNT LYKE wetfurz. An ther wuznt any farmrz eethr.6 But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh entyre grownd so teh plantz wud be happee.7 An Ceiling Cat madez a boi outta teh durt, did invisibl CPR, an teh durt boi wuz a reel boi.
8 An Ceiling Cat growed a gardn in Eden (datz in teh eest... wen u lookie norf and tern rite), an Ceiling Cat tuk da boi thare.9 An Ceiling Cat growed lotsa prity and yummy farm treez! Teh tree of happee an teh tree of morulz wur in teh middl of teh gardn.
10 Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.11 Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pishon (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.12 An itz rly awsum gold!!!!111 O ya, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.13 An teh naem ov teh 2th rivr iz gihon: dat wun runz arownd teh hol land ov cush wich is vry comfy plaec.14 An teh naem ov teh 3th rivr iz hiddekel: dat wun runz n frunt ov asyria. An teh 4f rivr iz teh euphrateez (ware teh ppl acused eech oter ov "yu afraed ov tese?".)
15 An Ceiling Cat tuk teh man, an put im ntew teh gardun ov eden tew takez cares ovs it cuz Ceiling Cat wuz stil poopd and wantedz anotr day off.16 An Ceiling Cat sed to teh man, ov evury tre in teh gardin iz ok u eatz:17 But of teh tre of teh nawlej of gud an evl n stuff, you not eatz cuz wen u eatz taht tre i fur sure mek u ded. Srsly. kthxbye.
18 An Ceiling Cat sed, teh man is alown an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud help fo him. (i iz gud at stuf liek taht. srsly. An it will keepz him outta trubbel.)
19 An owt ov teh grownd Ceiling Cat madez al teh aminals on teh urfs an in teh see, an al teh burdz up in sky (an sum liek ostrijes who cudnt flyz, just fur fun). (Ceiling Cat is raely good at makingz mud pies. srsly.) An brot them untew teh man to c what he wud cal tehm: an wut teh man caled evry living aminal, dat wuz its naim. (if tehy didnt liek it, tuff tamales, tehy wuz stuk wif it.)
20 An teh man gave namez to al teh aminals, an to teh burdies of sky (an to teh onez who cudnt flyz) an teh aminals in teh see, (so vey wudnt feel levt out), an to evry aminal in teh feeld (an in da hows, like kittehs); but fer man wuznt no gud helpr fo him, not evun anyonez to tak to in chatroom.21 An Ceiling Cat caused a deep sleep to fal upawn teh man, an he sleeped; an he tuk one of his ribs, cuz it has a flavr. 22 An Ceiling Cat can haz teh rib frum man maded into wimman, but did not eated it cuz he brot her to teh man. He sai O hai, I maded u a man but wifout long hare. Hav fun, kthxbai. 23 Teh man saiz,
- "Dese bonez iz mai bonez
- an dis meatz r mai meatz;
- I calz her "whoa man", k
- cuz she wuz in ur chest taken ur ribs. Srsly"
24 So man muv out da baesment an lives wif da womenz, an be all u can puts your toofbrush nexta mine an I no eats you.
- an da manz sez orly
- da womenz sez ya rly
- an da manz sez no wai
- an da womenz sez wai
25 and teh man and teh woman weared invisible close!
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