Genesis 2

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{{Old Testament}}
{{Old Testament}}
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 2]]
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 2]]
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[[Category:Audio]]
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[[Image:lolcreation.jpg|thumb|140px|left|Ceiling Cat iz waching yu... dont du sumting rong!]]
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[[Image:lolcreation.jpg|thumb|140px|left|Ceiling Cat enjoyin Caturday]]
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{{verse
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|1=An teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem, an Ceiling Cat was liek al tired an stuf.
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|1=So datz how teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem.
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|2=An on teh 7f day Ceiling Cat got dun makingks al dat stuf; an he restd on teh 7f day cuz he wuz pooped fum al dat wrking an not liek havng imself ulone. An he not get payd ovrtym eiver.
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|2=An on Caturday, Ceiling Cat was dun makin al dat stuf; an he restd, thinkn uv how awsum it wuz.
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|3=Ceiling Cat blesd teh 7f day, an sed itz teh h0liez0rz; cuz dats when he restd fum all his werk wich Ceiling Cat creatd an maed. Yay holy Caturday!
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|3=An to clbrate, Ceiling Cat made Caturday speshl, an sed "Do not want bad stuf on Caturday"; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk creatin and makin cool stuf.
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===== Adam An Eve =====
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===== Boi =====
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|4=Iz how teh skyz an Urfs wur maed, wen Ceiling Cat pwnt.
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|4=Anywayz, here ar teh ppl Ceiling Cat made when teh skyz an teh Urfs wur reddy.
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|5=Urfs no can has plantz n treez n catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no can maek rainz, but iz ok for kittehs DUNT LYKEZ wetfurz. An ther wuznt ne man to mek farmz n stuf; cuz teh clowds wur al happie an dint feel liek cryin, wich wuz ok to cuz umbrellaz wuznt inventd yet.
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|5=Urfs had no farm plantz n farm catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no maek rainz yet, but iz ok cuz kittehs DUNT LYKE wetfurz. An ther wuznt any farmrz eethr.
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|6=But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh entyre grownd so teh plantz wud be happee.
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[[Image:WETceilingCAT.JPG|thumb|200px|left|Ceiling Cat makez teh rain, but it waz bad idea.]]
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|7=An Ceiling Cat madez a boi outta teh durt, did invisibl CPR, an teh durt boi wuz a reel boi.
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{{verse
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|6=But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh grownd so teh plantz wud be ok wen Ceiling Cat madez dem.  
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|7=An Ceiling Cat madez kitteh owt ov teh flore dust, an breathd intew his nawstrils teh bref uv life, wich wuz sorta liek doin cpr on a mudpy, but it wuz al gud.
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|8=An Ceiling Cat plantz gardun eastwad, in eden; an ther he put teh kitteh he madez. (i dono hows he figurd out it wuz east, cuz ther wuznt no cumpasez yet an no mapz eether.)
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|9=An Ceiling Cat madez evry tre dat iz prity, an gud fur fud; teh tre ov lief wuz in teh gardun to, an teh tre ov teh nawlej ov gud an evul n stuff. man askd Ceiling Cat to makez a kooki tree, an Ceiling Cat madze it. but he eated it. (no 1 had thot of cheezburgr tre yet.)
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|10=An a big rivr went owt ov eden to watr teh gardun; an zen it splitzd up ntew 4 rivrz wth srsly weerd namez.
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|11=Teh naem ov teh 1th iz pishon (did u sneez? blez u! ): dat wun runz arownd teh hol land ov havilah wich haz a lot ov gold cheezburgerz;
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|12=An teh gold cheezbugerz ov dat land iz gud (but u cant eatz it): ther iz bdellium an teh onyx stone. (but u cant eatz dat eiver. An wut teh hek is bdellium?)
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|13=An teh naem ov teh 2th rivr iz gihon: dat wun runz arownd teh hol land ov cush wich is vry comfy plaec.
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|14=An teh naem ov teh 3th rivr iz hiddekel: dat wun runz n frunt ov asyria. An teh 4f rivr iz teh euphrateez (ware teh ppl acused eech oter ov "yu afraed ov tese?".)
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}}
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{{verse
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|15=An Ceiling Cat tuk teh man, an put im ntew teh gardun ov eden tew takez cares ovs it cuz Ceiling Cat wuz stil poopd and wantedz anotr day off.  
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|8=An Ceiling Cat growed a gardn in Eden (datz in teh eest... wen u lookie norf and tern rite), an Ceiling Cat tuk da boi thare.
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|16=An Ceiling Cat sed to teh man, ov evury tre in teh gardin iz ok u eatz:
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|9=An Ceiling Cat growed lotsa prity and yummy farm treez! Teh tree of happee an teh tree of morulz wur in teh middl of teh gardn.
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|17=But of teh tre of teh nawlej of gud an evl n stuff, you not eatz cuz wen u eatz taht tre i fur sure mek u ded. Srsly. kthxbye.  
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=====Geografee=====
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|18=An Ceiling Cat sed, teh man is alown an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud help fo him. (i iz gud at stuf liek taht. srsly. An it will keepz him outta trubbel.)  
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|10=Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.
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|11=Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.
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|12=An itz rly awsum gold!!!! Ohyeah, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.
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|13=Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.
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|14=Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). It wint to Ur. Now, bak to teh storie.
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=====Moocows an Gurl=====
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|19=An owt ov teh grownd Ceiling Cat madez al teh aminals on teh urfs an in teh see, an al teh burdz up in sky (an sum liek ostrijes who cudnt flyz, just fur fun). (Ceiling Cat is raely good at makingz mud pies. srsly.) An brot them untew teh man to c what he wud cal tehm: an wut teh man caled evry living aminal, dat wuz its naim. (if they didnt like it, tuff tamales, they wuz stuck wif it.)
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|15=So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.
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|16=An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.
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|17=But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! Kthxbye."
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|20=An teh man gave namez to al teh aminals, an to teh burdies of sky (an to teh onez who cudnt flyz) an teh aminals in teh see, (so vey wudnt feel levt out), an to evry aminal in teh feeld (an in da hows, like kittehs); but fer man wuznt no gud helpr fo him, not evun anyonez to tak to in chatroom.  
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|18=An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."
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|21=An Ceiling Cat caused a deep sleep to fal upawn teh man, an he sleeped; an he tuk one of his ribs, cuz it has a flavr.
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|19=So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it FOREVAH!!
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|20=An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr.
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|22=An Ceiling Cat can haz teh rib frum man maded into wimman, but did not eated it cuz he brot her to teh man. He sai O hai, I maded u a man but wifout long hare. Hav fun, kthxbai.
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|21=So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt be PO'ed latr.
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|22=An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a prity gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin.
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{{verse
{{verse
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|23=Teh man saiz,
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|23=Teh boi sed, "Her boddy caim frum my boddy? Sweet! I callz her 'Gurl' cuz she caim frum a boi, an it sowndz betr than 'Frumboi'."
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:: "Dese bonez iz mai  bonez
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:: an dis meatz r mai meatz;
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:: I calz her "whoa man", k
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:: cuz she wuz in ur chest taken ur ribs. Srsly"
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|24= So man muv out da baesment an lives wif da womenz, an be all u can puts your toofbrush nexta mine an I no eats you.
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|24=Thatz wiy a boi leevz his mommy an daddy an getz mareed to a gurl.
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::an da manz sez orly
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::da womenz sez ya rly
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::an da manz sez no wai
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::an da womenz sez wai
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{{verse
{{verse
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|25=and teh man and teh woman weared invisible close!
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|25=Teh boi an gurl wared invisible fur, an didnt fink it wuz bad.
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[http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=1155661204.wav Audio Version (courtesy LOLCheshirecat)]
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[http://nd-computerservices.com/lolcb/uploads/lolcheshirecat_genesis_2.mp3 Audio Version (courtesy LOLCheshirecat)]
{{Bottom Bar|NextBook=[[Exodus]]|NextChap=[[Genesis 3]]|PrevChap=[[Genesis 1]]}}
{{Bottom Bar|NextBook=[[Exodus]]|NextChap=[[Genesis 3]]|PrevChap=[[Genesis 1]]}}

Latest revision as of 15:22, 9 April 2010

Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Ceiling Cat enjoyin Caturday

1 So datz how teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem. 2 An on Caturday, Ceiling Cat was dun makin al dat stuf; an he restd, thinkn uv how awsum it wuz.3 An to clbrate, Ceiling Cat made Caturday speshl, an sed "Do not want bad stuf on Caturday"; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk creatin and makin cool stuf.

Boi

4 Anywayz, here ar teh ppl Ceiling Cat made when teh skyz an teh Urfs wur reddy.

5 Urfs had no farm plantz n farm catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no maek rainz yet, but iz ok cuz kittehs DUNT LYKE wetfurz. An ther wuznt any farmrz eethr.6 But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh entyre grownd so teh plantz wud be happee.7 An Ceiling Cat madez a boi outta teh durt, did invisibl CPR, an teh durt boi wuz a reel boi.

8 An Ceiling Cat growed a gardn in Eden (datz in teh eest... wen u lookie norf and tern rite), an Ceiling Cat tuk da boi thare.9 An Ceiling Cat growed lotsa prity and yummy farm treez! Teh tree of happee an teh tree of morulz wur in teh middl of teh gardn.

Geografee

10 Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.11 Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.12 An itz rly awsum gold!!!! Ohyeah, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.13 Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.14 Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). It wint to Ur. Now, bak to teh storie.

Moocows an Gurl

15 So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.16 An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.17 But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! Kthxbye."

18 An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."19 So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it FOREVAH!!20 An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr. 21 So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt be PO'ed latr.22 An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a prity gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin. 23 Teh boi sed, "Her boddy caim frum my boddy? Sweet! I callz her 'Gurl' cuz she caim frum a boi, an it sowndz betr than 'Frumboi'."

24 Thatz wiy a boi leevz his mommy an daddy an getz mareed to a gurl.

25 Teh boi an gurl wared invisible fur, an didnt fink it wuz bad.

Audio Version (courtesy LOLCheshirecat)

Genesis 2
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