Genesis 2

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{{Old Testament}}
{{Old Testament}}
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 2]]
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 2]]
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[[Category:Audio]]
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[[Image:lolcreation.jpg|thumb|140px|left|Ceiling Cat iz waching yu... dont du sumting rong!]]
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[[Image:lolcreation.jpg|thumb|140px|left|Ceiling Cat enjoyin Caturday]]
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|1=An teh skyz an teh Urth were finishd, an all teh stufz in dem an Ceiling Cat was liek all tired an stuff.
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|1=So datz how teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem.
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|2=An on teh 7th day Ceiling Cat got done makingks all dat stuf; an he restd on teh 7th day cuz he was pooped fum all dat wrking an not liek havng imself ulone. An he not get payd ovrtym either.
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|2=An on Caturday, Ceiling Cat was dun makin al dat stuf; an he restd, thinkn uv how awsum it wuz.
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|3=Ceiling Cat blesd teh 7th day, an sed itz teh h0liez0rz; cuz dats when he restd fum all his werk which Ceiling Cat had creatd an made. Yay holy Caturday!
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|3=An to clbrate, Ceiling Cat made Caturday speshl, an sed "Do not want bad stuf on Caturday"; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk creatin and makin cool stuf.
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===== Adam An Eve =====
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===== Boi =====
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|4=Iz how teh skyz an Urfs were made, wen Ceiling Cat pwnt.
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|4=Anywayz, here ar teh ppl Ceiling Cat made when teh skyz an teh Urfs wur reddy.
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|5=Urfs no can has plantz n treez n catnipz yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no can maek rainz, but iz ok for kittehs DUNT LYKEZ wetfurz. An ther wuznt ne man to mek farmz an stuff; cuz teh clouds were all happie an didnt feel like cryin, wich wuz ok to cuz umbrellaz wuznt inventd yet.
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|5=Urfs had no farm plantz n farm catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no maek rainz yet, but iz ok cuz kittehs DUNT LYKE wetfurz. An ther wuznt any farmrz eethr.
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|6=But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh entyre grownd so teh plantz wud be happee.
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[[Image:WETceilingCAT.JPG|thumb|200px|left|Ceiling cat makes rain, but decides it was a bad idea.]]
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|7=An Ceiling Cat madez a boi outta teh durt, did invisibl CPR, an teh durt boi wuz a reel boi.
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|6=But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh ground so teh plantz wud be ok wen Ceiling Cat madez dem.  
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|7=An Ceiling Cat madez man out ov teh flore dust, an breathd into his nawstrils teh bref ov lyff, wich was sorta liek doin cpr on a mudpie, but it was kool d00d man (v.0.8β) so it wuz all gud.
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|8=An Ceiling Cat plantz garden eastwad, in eden; an ther he put teh man he madez. (i dono how he figurd out it wuz east, cuz ther wuznt any cumpasez yet an no mapz ither.)
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|9=An Ceiling Cat madez evry tree dat iz prity, an gud fur fud; teh tree ov life wuz in teh garden to, an teh tree ov teh knowledge ov gud an evil. man asked Ceiling Cat to makez a cookie tree, an Ceiling Cat made it. but he eated it. (no 1 had thot of cheezburger tree yet.)
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|10=An a big rivr went out ov eden to watr teh garden; an then it splitzd up into 4 rivrz wth srsly wierd names.
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|11=Teh name ov teh 1th iz pishon (did u sneez? bless u! ): dat one runz around teh whole land ov havilah wich haz a lot ov gold cheezburgerz;
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|12=An teh gold cheezbugerz ov dat land iz gud (but u cant eatz it): ther iz bdellium an teh onyx stone. (but u cant eatz dat either. An wut teh heck is bdellium?)
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|13=An teh name ov teh 2th rivr iz gihon: dat one runz around teh whole land ov cush wich is vry comfy place.
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|14=An teh name ov teh 3th rivr iz hiddekel: dat one runz in frunt ov asyria. An teh 4th rivr iz teh euphratez (where teh ppl acused eech oter ov "yu afraed ov tese?".)
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|15=An Ceiling Cat took teh man, an put him into teh garden ov eden to takez care of it cuz Ceiling Cat wuz still pooped and wantedz another day off.  
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|8=An Ceiling Cat growed a gardn in Eden (datz in teh eest... wen u lookie norf and tern rite), an Ceiling Cat tuk da boi thare.
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|16=An Ceiling Cat sed to teh man, ov evury tree in teh gardin iz ok u eatz:
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|9=An Ceiling Cat growed lotsa prity and yummy farm treez! Teh tree of happee an teh tree of morulz wur in teh middl of teh gardn.
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|17=But of teh tree of teh knowledge of gud an evil, you not eatz cuz wen u eatz taht tree i fur sure mek u ded. srsly.  
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=====Geografee=====
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|18=An Ceiling Cat said, teh man is alone an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i will maek him a good help fo him. (i iz good at stuff liek that. srsly. An it will keepz him outta trubble.)  
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|10=Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.
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|11=Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.
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|12=An itz rly awsum gold!!!! Ohyeah, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.
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|13=Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.
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|14=Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). It wint to Ur. Now, bak to teh storie.
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=====Moocows an Gurl=====
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|19=An out of teh ground Ceiling Cat madez all teh aminals on teh urf an in teh see, an all teh birds up in sky (an sum liek ostridges who cudnt flyz, just fur fun). (Ceiling Cat is raely good at makingz mud pies. srsly.) An brought them unto teh man to c what he would call them: an what teh man called every living aminal, dat was its naim. (if they didnt like it, tuff tamales, they wuz stuck wif it.)
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|15=So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.
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|16=An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.
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|17=But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! Kthxbye."
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|20=An teh man gave names to all teh aminals, an to teh burdies of sky (an to teh onez who cudnt flyz) an teh aminals in teh see, (so they wudnt feel left out), an to every aminal in teh field; but for man wuznt no good helper fo him, not even anyonez to talk to in chatroom.  
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|18=An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."
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|21=An Ceiling Cat caused a deep sleep to fall upon teh man, an he slept; an he took one of his ribs, cuz it has a flavr.
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|19=So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it FOREVAH!!
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|20=An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr.
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|22=An Ceiling Cat can haz teh rib frum man maded into wimman, but did not eated it cuz he brot her to teh man. He sai O hai, I maded u a man but wifout long hare. Have fun, kthxbai.
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|21=So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt be PO'ed latr.
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|22=An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a prity gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin.
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|23=Teh man saiz,
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|23=Teh boi sed, "Her boddy caim frum my boddy? Sweet! I callz her 'Gurl' cuz she caim frum a boi, an it sowndz betr than 'Frumboi'."
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:: "Dese bonez is my bonez
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:: an dis meatz are my meatz;
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:: I calz her "whoa man", k
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:: cuz she in ur chest taken ur ribs. Srsly"
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|24= So man muv out da basement an lives wif da womenz, an be all u can puts your toofbrush nexta mine an I no eats you.
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|24=Thatz wiy a boi leevz his mommy an daddy an getz mareed to a gurl.
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::an da manz sez orly
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::da womenz sez ya rly
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::an da manz sez no wai
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::an da womenz sez wai
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|25=and teh man and teh woman weared invisible close!
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|25=Teh boi an gurl wared invisible fur, an didnt fink it wuz bad.
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[http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=1155661204.wav Audio Version (courtesy LOLCheshirecat)]
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[http://nd-computerservices.com/lolcb/uploads/lolcheshirecat_genesis_2.mp3 Audio Version (courtesy LOLCheshirecat)]
{{Bottom Bar|NextBook=[[Exodus]]|NextChap=[[Genesis 3]]|PrevChap=[[Genesis 1]]}}
{{Bottom Bar|NextBook=[[Exodus]]|NextChap=[[Genesis 3]]|PrevChap=[[Genesis 1]]}}

Latest revision as of 15:22, 9 April 2010

Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Ceiling Cat enjoyin Caturday

1 So datz how teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem. 2 An on Caturday, Ceiling Cat was dun makin al dat stuf; an he restd, thinkn uv how awsum it wuz.3 An to clbrate, Ceiling Cat made Caturday speshl, an sed "Do not want bad stuf on Caturday"; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk creatin and makin cool stuf.

Boi

4 Anywayz, here ar teh ppl Ceiling Cat made when teh skyz an teh Urfs wur reddy.

5 Urfs had no farm plantz n farm catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no maek rainz yet, but iz ok cuz kittehs DUNT LYKE wetfurz. An ther wuznt any farmrz eethr.6 But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh entyre grownd so teh plantz wud be happee.7 An Ceiling Cat madez a boi outta teh durt, did invisibl CPR, an teh durt boi wuz a reel boi.

8 An Ceiling Cat growed a gardn in Eden (datz in teh eest... wen u lookie norf and tern rite), an Ceiling Cat tuk da boi thare.9 An Ceiling Cat growed lotsa prity and yummy farm treez! Teh tree of happee an teh tree of morulz wur in teh middl of teh gardn.

Geografee

10 Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.11 Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.12 An itz rly awsum gold!!!! Ohyeah, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.13 Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.14 Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). It wint to Ur. Now, bak to teh storie.

Moocows an Gurl

15 So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.16 An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.17 But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! Kthxbye."

18 An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."19 So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it FOREVAH!!20 An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr. 21 So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt be PO'ed latr.22 An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a prity gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin. 23 Teh boi sed, "Her boddy caim frum my boddy? Sweet! I callz her 'Gurl' cuz she caim frum a boi, an it sowndz betr than 'Frumboi'."

24 Thatz wiy a boi leevz his mommy an daddy an getz mareed to a gurl.

25 Teh boi an gurl wared invisible fur, an didnt fink it wuz bad.

Audio Version (courtesy LOLCheshirecat)

Genesis 2
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