Genesis 15

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Old Testament
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1 An den, Abram can has dream of Cieling Cat, and he sez

"Don be fraidy cat Abram,
i blocks teh attacks,
and den you can has cheezburger"

2 but Abram wuz liek "Cieling Cat, i has no kittehs to giv mah homez and sandboxz and littrbox and such3 with no kittehs, my servants can has mah homez and such

4 Cieling Cat sez "STFU Abram, i can givez you a kitteh to play WoW with"5 He takes Abram outside and is liek "look at teh starz and hevenz, if yous can count them, so is ur kittehs"

6 And Abram was liek srsly? All cause Ceiling Cat is Righchus

7 He also says "I iz Ceiling Cat, I give you lots and lots of urfs to has"

8 Abram was leik "But how Ceiling Cat, teh horde alredy has possesions?"

9 An Ceiling Cat was leik "Bring me moocow, goat and rams but only 3 yeerz old with a white burd and baby pidgun"

10 Abram brought teh moocow and teh got and teh rams but he cutted them in half. Teh burdz and pidgun were not.11 Tehn evil burdz came from the ceiling and eated dem. Abram no liek and says you no can has.

12 Abram has sleep as sun goes down, but no good, lots of nightmares (poor Abram).13 An Ceiling Cat was liek, "ur kittehs will be not knowed in nayshuns they no has, they will be pwnt and slaved, tis bad, but dey will come out with cheezburgers"14 Ceiling Cat says tho he will "make unwanted invisible buttsecks with nayshuns dat make ure kittehs pwnt.15 u is not bad tho, u can has death at old age with papa kittehs16 but ur great-great-grand kittehs will come back here, cuz then sinz of Amorites reach critical mass"

17 Then it gots dark out, and there appeerz a bucket with fire18 An Cieling Cat sez "i give all dis sandboxz and littrboxs to your kittehs, and their kittehs kittehs and so on and so forth19 and teh littrboxs of Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites,20 Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaites,21 Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Jebusites."

Genesis 15
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