Genesis 11

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Old Testament
Teh Towur ov Babel

1 And all uv de Urf was lolcatspeekinkz usin' lolcats werdz. 2 Whial teh menz be movin' eest, they finded vallee in teh land uv Shinar an sitted ther. 3 Dey sed "hai, letz maek teh brix an make 'em harrd wif fiir." So dey uzed brix for ston an bitumen (wtf izzat?) for mortar. 4 Den dey sed "hai, letz maek reel tall towerz for us so we be togethr forevr!"
5 So, Ceiling Cat comeded down an saw teh men an ther towerz. 6 Den Ceiling Cat sez "Oh noes, if they all togethr after mah hi spot, they gonna get mah hi spot! 7 I gots'ta confuzzle 'em and stop 'em!" 8 Dat's wai Ceiling Cat pwned 'em an dragd 'em away from ther towerz. Dey stop buldin' after dat. 9 So teh towerz wuz calld Babel cuz Ceiling Cat made teh men babbul ther befor movin' dem.

Babeez frum Shem thru Abraham

10 So liek lissen, dis here'z teh stuffs Shem did. Two yeerz after teh Urfs wuz all fludz n' stuff, Shem was liek a hunnerd yrz old, and he finilly got doen to bizness makin teh babeez. He namez furst babee Arpachshad. 11 Shem went an lived OMG ANOTHER 500 YRZ and madez more babeez.
12 Arpachshad only waeted 35 yrz before he made babeez, and was teh dad ov Shelah. 13 Tehn Arphaxad lived OMG ANOTHER 403 YRZ and madez more babeez.
14 Shelah only waeted 30 yrz before he goed PENIS GOES WHARE?!, and was teh dad ov Eber. 15 Tehn Shelah lived 403 more yrz also and madez more babeez 'cuz he dint want hiz dad to show him up.
16 Eber waeted 34 yrz to has babeez, and was teh dad o teh Peleg. 17 Tehn Eber lived 430 more yrz and madez more babeez jus to show hiz dad and grampz whoz teh boss.
18 Peleg took afta grampa Shelah an maed babeez at 30 yrz old, and was teh dad ov Reu 19 But Peleg only lasted 209 more yrz, tho he maeded more babeez.
20 Reu went an did it at 32, and was teh dad ov Serug. 21 Reu liveded only 207 yrz longer, tho he too maeded more babeez.
22 At 30, Serug maed babeez, and was teh dad ov Nahor. 23 Serug only lasted 200 mor yrz, but still maeded mor babeez.
24 Nahor beet his daddies past and maed babeez at 29, and was teh dad ov Terah. 25 Nahor also only liveded to 119, but he too maeded other babeez.
26 Terah maeded teh babeez Abram, Nahor, and Haran by teh tiem he was 70.

Teh Stry of Terah - Dun Wury, Iz Short

27 So herez what Terah been doed. Liek wuz sed, Terah maeded teh babeez Abram, Nahor, and Haran. Haran maeded teh babee Lot.28 Haran deided before his daddeh Terah, in his hoemtawn Ur ov Chaldeans.29 Abram an Nahor gotz teh ladies; Abram gotz Sarai, an Nahor gotz Milcah. Milcah's daddy was Haran, who also had teh babee Iscah.30 An Sarai was liek "OMG I cant hav babeez! ;("
31 So den Terah tookded Abram, Lot, and Sarai and ran off out ov Ur ov Chaldeans. He ment to hed to Canaan, but dey stopded in Haran. 32 Terah died dere in Haran afta 205 yrz.

Genesis 11
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