From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
U followz da rulez!!
1 Stoopid n00bs! Wut dangles the string in frunt of u? U saw teh man on stix?2 U can haz no catnip from Ceiling Cat, win u playz nice! lol! Not less u can has trusts!3 U silly! U haz teh catnips, but you eated it! Now u try try to be good?4 Is u just chasin tail?5 Does Ceiling Cat has for u catnip and finger wigle trix cuz u gud? Or cuz u has trusts?
6 Abraham can has trusts, and Ceiling Cat said good kitah!7 Win u can has trusts, us is like Abraham!8 A long book sayd the Ceiling Cat, even lieks ppl who ownz teh doogie when dey gots teh trusts! Das y Abraham wuz so kewl.9 Trusts and u is liek Abraham. U is a trustee kitteh!
10 U gets teh squirt gunz when u tries to be lurn teh rulz, u cant do all dat stuff! Iz hard :(11 Jus no teh rulz iz not enuf! U haz better hav sum trusts.12 Teh rulz iz not frum trusts, u gotsa do them!13 Jesus tuk teh made dem pore out tehy squirt gunz wen they put him on teh stix. And he got squirtd reel bad.14 Even dog lovrz can has good kitteh treets like Abraham, cuz teh Ceiling Cat promizd to maek us all good kittehs!
I has a law; I maks a promis
15 Fellow kittehs, no how u can not say you can has cheezburgr, and then say it wuz more liek 2 cheezburgr? Iz liek that.16 Teh promiz was jus to Abraham and hiz kittehs. Not evryun! But reely, he meaned Baby Jesus...17 All dem reely ole rulz, didn maek the Ceiling Cat and hiz promize juz sum junk.18 It no jus come frum rulz, or elz it a bad promiz. Ceiling Cat made a gud promiz for Abraham.
19 How come all dem rulz, den? Cuz of all of teh Ceiling Cat's flyin mans, who no did like teh bad kittehs who made bafroom on teh floor. Cuz teh promiz had said dey wuld fly down an say stuf.20 All dem flyin men had to go frum teh Ceiling Cat and uz.
21 All dem rulz dont go to bad wif a promiz. But juz dem rulz caint maek u a good kitteh.22 All uz kittehs wuld get teh squirt bottle, cuz dem rulz so hard, but we can has trusts like Baby Jesus. And then we is good kittehs.
U be iz the kittenz uv Cieling Cat
26 U is belong to Ceiling Cat win u has trusts in teh Baby Jebus.27 U got a baf, but it wuz for ur own good and now u iz cleen.28 All u kittehs can b famly wif teh Baby Jebus.29 If u is wif him, u getz to cher hiz strings!
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