Ezekiel 7

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Old Testament


Teh End Am Cum

1 Teh wurd ov teh ceiling cat am coem to me: 2 "Kitteh ov kitteh, dis is wot teh sovrin ceiling cat sai to teh land ov Izrale: 'Teh end! Teh end am coem upon teh four cornas ov teh land. 3 Teh end is now pawn u an I will unleesh ma anga gainst u. I will judj u by da wai u beehave an repay u for all ov teh bad fings u dun. 4 I no look at u wiv pitty or spaer u; I will def-natly repay u for teh fings u hav dun an teh nawty fings u still do. Den u reely see I is teh ceiling cat.'"

Disastr an Doom

5 "'Dis is wot teh sovrin ceiling cat sae: Disastr! An unherd-ov disastr iz comin. Srsly. 6 Teh end am coem! Teh end am coem! It am rousd self against u. It am coem! 7 Doom has coem to yuo (I likes dat game, speshully der chane-gun an der BFG) — yuo wot liev in teh land. Teh tiem iz coem, teh dae am neer; there am only panik, no joy, on teh mowntanes. 8 Ai iz bout 2 pour out mah wraf on yuo an spend mah anger gainst yuo; Iz gonna judj yuo accordin 2 ur conducks an repay yuo for all ov teh bad fings yuo dun. 9 I no look at yuo wiv pitteh or spaer yuo; I will def-natly repay yuo for teh fings yuo haz dun an teh norty fings u still do. Den yuo reely see I, teh ceiling cat, wot iz laying der smack down.'"

Buyr an Sellr

10 "'Teh day am heer! It iz cum! Doom am cum owt on teh PC, teh shotgun am cool, shute dose nasty ipmz! (Uze IDDQD 4 ceiling cat moed) 11 Violenz am grow into a shotgun liek in Doom; all teh peepz be "all gon", no-boddy left - no monies, nuffin ov valu. 12 Teh tiem am cum, the dai iz heer. Not 4 buyr be happeh nor sellr be sad, as mah paw will wak evrywon all teh saem. 13 Teh sellr not recovr teh land dat he sold 4 long as dey both alive, evan wiv a reseet, 4 teh vishun waz bout der hole crowd an I can no go bak. Becus dey are bad peepz not wun will be alife. '"

Monies Liek Poop

14 "'Doe dey tidyup and toot trumpet I let no boddy fite back - as mah paw will wak evrywon all teh saem. 15 Outside iz teh sord, inside iz sick an hungry; dose in teh land will dye by teh sord, an dose in teh sitty will be kilt by hungry an sick. 16 All dose hoo suviev an escape will be in teh mowntanes, moanin liek "we iz vbad peepz, we iz soooo sry" cos dey wer norty. 17 Der handz go floppy an der neez go all wobbly. 18 Dey will ware scaredy cloths an look all sad an der hedz will be shavd. 19 Dey frow all ov der monies into street an gold will be liek poop to dem. No monies can saev dem from teh ceiling cat. Dey can no eat der monies any way - all it duz iz makez dem be norty. 20 Dey luv dere bling an use it to maek idolz and norty pics. So I will maek it all seem liek poop. 21 I giv dere monies an bling to forriners and to norty peepz hoo will maek it all dirty. 22 I look de uvva way an dey will do bad fings to ma speshul plaice.'"

Moer Bad Stuff (But U gessd Dat)

23 "'Get sum chanez - teh land iz full ov blud an teh sitty full ov fytin. 24 I send invitashun to nasty countrys to hav empty haus for demselves; I stop der pride of mytee, an dere panic roomz will be full ov poop. 25 Wen scaredy cum dey will look 4 pees but dey no can has pees. 26 Clamity on clamity am cum, an rumr on rumr. Dey ask 4 advise from proffit an preest an elda but will get non. 27 Teh king will be sad, te prinz will be saddr an all peepz will hav wobbly handies. I will def-natly repay dem for teh fings dey hav dun an teh norty fings dey still do. Cuz I is teh ceiling cat.'"

Ezekiel 7
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Lamentations Daniel Ezekiel 6 Ezekiel 8
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