Ezekiel 5

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{{Old Testament}}
{{Old Testament}}
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{{Bad Translation}}
 
===== Not to maek Ceiling Cat pissed off. Evah. =====
===== Not to maek Ceiling Cat pissed off. Evah. =====
Teh ceiling cat, he sez {{verse
Teh ceiling cat, he sez {{verse

Revision as of 17:06, 30 October 2007

Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Not to maek Ceiling Cat pissed off. Evah.

Teh ceiling cat, he sez 1 "Kitteh ov kitteh, taek vbig katana sord an u shaves ur hed. Den u taek scalez an wey out allof ur hares an puttem in pilez. 2 When ur seej iz finish, go in 2 sitty an set fier 2 won furd ov teh hare der. Taek anuvver furd an wak it wiv teh katana sord all ovah teh sitty. Frow rest in teh air. I will chase it wiv mah sord! 3 But saev a few hares - puttem in ur pokkit (mebby i shud hav sed dat furst - oops, my bad!) 4 K, den taek few ov dose saved hares an frow em on teh fier. Ana fier will spred 2 teh hole ov Izrale's haus."


5 "Now, lissen up, dis iz teh sovrin ceiling cat talkin, pai attenshun: Dis is Jerusalem, der sitty in teh middul of Urf. Not middel-urf - dat iz full ov hobbitz. 6 Norty Jerusalem, iz sitty dat putz it paws ova its eerz an go 'La la la, I cants heer u!' Jerusalem no do wot ceiling cat want."


7 "So, dis iz wot teh sovrin ceiling cat sez: U R bad sitty! No lissen to ceiling cat an werse dan all naybor sittys!!"


8 "Rite, dis iz wot teh sovrin ceiling cat sez: Teh ceiling cat am lay der smackdown on Jerusalem an let evvrbody wotch! 9 Coz u got sum collectabull figgurz ov uvva godz (get full set in fiftee-too weakly partz wiv free magazeen) I iz goin 2 get ruff, get fizzy-kal - big tiem!! An I use lotz ov exlamation pointz!!! I iz 1 angri ceiling cat! Nevah be dis punish aggen! 10 I maek der kittehs eatz der parentz an der parentz to eated der kittehz (Not shur if dey taek turn or all eated eech uvva at saem tiem - werkowt deetails L8R) NE1 left I will chase off all ovah teh plaice."


11 "U maek der tempel all dirty. Putcha nasti fake godz all ovah plaice, maek tempel look untidee. U have pissed me off. I no liek U, no help U juss a shor az I exists!" sez teh ceiling cat. 12 "1 furd will dye ov sick or no eated, 1 furd wull get choppity chop by sordz and lass furd will get chase of all ovah teh plaice wiv me wayvin sord behine dem."


13 "Den I carm down, haff a nap an bee all sun shine an smilez aggen. Effry body noez wen teh ceiling kix ass!"


14 "I maek sitty crumbly ruin 4 all 2C. 15 All nayshuns will teez u but dey will no dat I iz been seriuss! I iz teh ceiling cat 16 I will maek U hunga, maek hunga werse an den maek food all gone. 17 I will maek hunga, send beesties to bite u an kill ur kittehs. Sickness an deff will be wiv u an I will be liek "I am in ur sitty - waivin' mah sord, killin u". Coz I iz teh ceiling cat, so dere!"

Ezekiel 5
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