Ezekiel 45

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teh sacerd text messegez

1 wen u kettehs take a kilt kettehz land en giv it 2 all teh livin kettehs, member 2 give a bit 2 da Ceiling Cat, he liked to have dat stuffs.2 da measurements uv da Ceiling Catz share will alwaz b 500x500 cubitz en den all teh land 50 cubitez around teh land uv de Ceiling Cat iz 4 no 1, srsly!3 alzo frum des land u must take EXACTLEE 25,000x10,000 cubitz 4 da holiz uv holiz, or u no get cheezburger, dis instructionz mur important ten tem 10 comandment an utter stuffs dat moses ketteh said, srsly!4 dis will be dah place also for da good ketteh preests uv da Ceiling Cat an u place 2 kepe all uv dur mices an utter stuffs.5 also a pees uv land 25,000x10,000 cubix 4 dah levite kettehs, so tay can builted dur citeez.6 as propertee uv dah Citee (dat citee vith capital see) u shall designete a pees uv land 5,000x25,000 cubix an it must be parralel (ask ur geometree teachur) 2 dah sacrad traks, dis shal be tah nappin plac fur tah israel kettehz, k?7 Teh princez can have a liv next 2 dah Citee place if dai won 2, iz ok wit Ceiling8 Cat, dis do teh princez will not be pikked on en school no mor, alrite?

Wates en mesurz

9 teh Ceiling Cat uv israel stick hiz hed down frum ceiling en saz "stop it princez uv israel, omg srsly, stop teh killen uv eechutur en obaye teh lawz uv me! u want cheezburgerz? ten do wat i sayz!10 also u can nevr nevr evr lai abowt ur wate, even if u wai a million pownz en can have no walkin at all, srsly.11 en all teh kettehz will have teh same amownt uv watr 2 drinc, iz not fare fur 1 ketteh 2 hav more watrz 2 drinc!12 en teh onlee moneys u can have iz teh shekel, teh gerahs, an teh mina. Teh shekel ez 20 gerahs en teh mina ez, redee 4 dis maths pplz, 25+25+15 shekels. Tatz it, i no wan 2 b hearin all dis invisible errors bout dollars en euros en marks en rupeez, ou evn dos stoopid powndz en franks, brb wit instruktionz on gifs."

gifs

13 hai dare, iz Ceiling Cat, en dis ez mai brthdai wish list, u bettr giv des gifs 2 me all da time ou u no can have cheezburger, k? I can has 1/6th ub an ephah from eech homer of weet, en 1/6th uv a ephah from eech homer of barlee.14 4 evree bit uv oil u hav, i getz 1/10th ov it,15 en i alzo want 1 mice frum evree 1 uv ur flockes uv mices, but onlee if yur flock haz ovr 200 mices, don wanna take mai mices frum poor kettehz, dats meen.16 it ez teh responzabilitee uv dah princez uv israel 2 make sur i get des giftz in ma hows in Jerusalem all teh time,17 omg i wan 2 get gifs frum u all dah time, SRSLY!

teh passovr

18 oh hai, dis Ceiling Cat agen, an dis is how u mus partee on passovr: firs teh dai uv teh partee ez on teh firs dai uv da firs month, (which is lik wat januaree furs?) en furs yoo kettehs mus take a cleen mice en kilt it en mah house en get iz blud evree ware 2 mak evree ting all cleen, 4 reel!19 ten teh preest mus mak sure sum uv teh good mice blud getz on teh door, teh door needz 2 bee cleen 2,20 en ten yoo shal do it all ovr agen an agen until yoo get sick uv it.21 on teh 14th dai uv teh furs month shal be teh dai uv da reel partee uv passovr, dat utter stuff waz juz preperationz, k? (an don eet good bred on dis dai btw)22 on dis dai deh prince MUST giv me a gif (like a nice mice 2b eated bai mee)23 en ten yoo must take teh sheepeez en sacrificez dem, en den make red yarns out uv teh wools, en plai wit tem, en ten u sacreificez sevreal mices 4 mee.24 don tell peeta abowt dis sacreificez en utter stuffs, thx.

feest uv teh boothz

25 en aftr u all get sober aftr teh passovr partee ez time 4 anoter partee! teh feest uv teh boothz, wich iz on teh 15th day uv teh 7th month. 4 teh feest uv teh boothz u must do teh exact same tings u did 4 teh passovr partee, k?

Ezekiel 45
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