From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 An Ceiling Cat keep speekin to me:2 U kno thoes two cats over dere? Theyr momma dun kno who iz baby daddy.3 An they iz both... SLUTS! Peepls from south tuched their butts. An other stuff. An they likd it4 an teh cats has weerd namez an makes the baybees like doll factoreez.
5 Da oldr sister wants be biggest ho. So she finded peepls wit a big army,6 an teh army iz all pretteh, wit horsies and shinies.7 So the oldr sister mak boom boom with teh army of the peepls and with teh guvrnurs. Lots.8 She useded her mojo she lernd from teh peeps in teh south. Dey gave her lots of luvins from teh south. And they gave her affekshuns. And broozes. And gonoreeuhs.9 So I givs her to teh army becuz she iz infachuaded.10 But teh army peepls dun want her cuz she iz ho. So dey took away all her baybees an mad her ded. Srsly.
11 And teh youngr sister saw this but wantd to be bigger ho then oldr sister. It wuz on lik donky kong.12 So she gots her sisters blak book an findeds all the mens who made teh nastee with her sister. An she sayd "HAI U R HOTT LETS MAK OUT"13 An I sees that she is lik her sister. Becuz they iz lik teh ho. An now she iz durty. Lik a ho.14 But she wuld gets honry at pikshurs of mens in red.15 An she gots turnd on by theyr belts and theyr hats and teh red, becuz red is teh awesom.16 An soes she hads her girlfrenz tell the mens in red where to hav gud time.17 An teh mens in red did things to her. And she did things to herslf with teh mens in red. And then lots of mens in red tuk turns doing things to her. And then she was lik eww gross.18 Ans than alls knos her nekid body an where her mols are an stuff an I cans not luk at her becuz she is lik her sistr, an thas kinda grose.19 Buts she just maks teh notty danse mors and mores becuz is how she useded to play as chiled. An she wuz rly gudz at it.20 She liekd teh guys with teh big dixxxes... teh RLY big uns, like donkeys LOL... and massiv cumbuckits like horse!
21 So u longd 4 da lewdnes ov ur youth, when in egypt ur bosom wuz caresd an ur young boobs fondld. mmm....22 "therefore, oholibah, dis ar teh wut teh sovereign lord sez: im gonna stir up ur lovers against u, dose u turnd away frum in disgust, an im gonna brin them against u frum evry side-23 teh babylonianz an all teh chaldeanz, teh doodz ov pekod an shoa an koa, an all teh assyrianz wif them, handsome young doodz, all ov them governors an commanders, chariot officers an doodz ov high rank, all mountd on horsez.24 They will come against u wif weapons, [d] chariots an wagons an wif throng ov peeps; they will taek up posishuns against u on evry side wif large an small shieldz an wif helmets. Im gonna turn u ovar 2 them 4 punishment, an they will punish u accordin 2 their standardz.25 Im gonna direct mah jealous angr against u, an they will deal wif u in fury. They will cut off ur nosez an ur ears, an dose ov u hoo r left will fall by teh sword. They will taek away ur sons an daughters, an dose ov u hoo r left will be consumd by fire.26 they will also strip u ov ur clothez an taek ur fine jewelry.27 So im gonna put stop 2 teh lewdnes an prostitushun u began in egypt. U will not look on thees things wif longin or remembr egypt nomore.28 "4 dis ar teh wut teh sovereign lord sez: im bout 2 hand u ovar 2 dose u hate, 2 dose u turnd away frum in disgust.29 They will deal wif u in hatrd an taek away evrythin u has werkd 4. They will leef u nakd an bare, an teh shame ov ur prostitushun will be exposd. Ur lewdnes an promiscuity30 30 has brought dis upon u, cuz u lustd aftr teh nashuns an defild yourself wif their idols. 31 u has gone teh wai ov ur sistr; so im gonna put her cup into ur hand.31 Youz has gone de way of ur sister, so I be stealin' her bucket and gives it to u.32 Dis is wat Ceiling Cat say: U will drink ur sister's bucket, a bucket this big, rly this big. Wai. Teh bucket is filled up wif angry stuff, cuz its a rly big bucket.33 U shall be filld wif drunkennes an sorrow a bucket ov horror an desolashun iz teh bucket ov ur sistr Samaria;34 U shall drink it an drain it out an gnaw itz shredz an tear out ur boobs 4 I has spoken sez teh lord ceilin cat35 therefor thus sez lord ceilin cat. cuz u has forgotten me an cast me behind ur bak, therefor bear teh consequencez ov ur36 Teh lord sed 2 me: "son ov man, will u judge oholah an oholibah? Den confront them wif their detestable practicez.
37 4 they has committd adultery an blood iz on their hanz. They committd adultery wif their idols; they even sacrificd their children, whom they bore 2 me, as fud 4 them.38 They has also dun dis 2 me: at dat same tiem they defild mah sanctuary an desecratd mah sabbaths.39 On teh vry dai they sacrificd their children 2 their idols, they enterd mah sanctuary an desecratd it. Dat iz wut they did in mah houz.40 "they even sent mesengers 4 doodz hoo came frum far away, an when they arrivd u bafd yourself 4 them, paintd ur eyez an put on ur jewelry.41 U sat on an elegant couch, wif table spread before it on which u had placd teh incense an oil dat belongd 2 me.42 "teh noize ov carefree crowd wuz around her; sabeanz [f] wuz brought frum teh desert along wif doodz frum teh rabble, an they put bracelets on teh arms ov teh woman an her sistr an beautiful crowns on their headz.43 Den i sed bout teh wan worn out by adultery, nao let them use her as prostitute, 4 dat iz all she iz.44 An they slept wif her. As doodz sleep wif prostitute, so they slept wif dose lewd women, oholah an oholibah.45 But righteous doodz will sentence them 2 teh punishment ov women hoo commit adultery an shd blood, cuz they r adulterous an blood iz on their hanz.46 "dis ar teh wut teh sovereign lord sez: brin mob against them an giv them ovar 2 terror an plundr.47 Teh mob will stone them an cut them down wif their swordz; they will kill their sons an daughters an burn down their haus.48 "so im gonna put an end 2 lewdnes in da land, dat all women cud taek warnin an not imitate u. 49 u will suffr teh penalty 4 ur lewdnes an bear teh consequencez ov ur sins ov idolatry. Den u will knoe dat i r sovereign lord."
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