Exodus 4

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Old Testament
Signz 4 Moses

1 Moses sez "Man, dey ain't no way teh Jews believe ME?"

2 Ceiling Cat sez, "D00d, looksie in yer paw! A big stick!3 Thro dat stick down dere den! Holy Moley, its a Friggin' Snaik!!!1"

4 Ceiling Cat sez, "Grab dat snaik by teh tail," which he did, tho he was scarrd. Bang! iz a stick!5 Dat waz some k00l trick, eh? Now nuther one!1!

6 Put yer paw in yer shirt! EWWWW iz all gross and flaky, Nasty Man! 7 Put yer paw in and NOW...presto! All beta! 8 If dem teh ppl do nut get deh 1st trick, teh number two ones'll get em.9 WAIT! Even teh betterest one. Get some waters and spills it. Whoa nelly, now iz blood. Now dat iz messin wit yer heads.

10 Moses sed, "But Ceiling Cat, I iz st00pid and talk st00pid. Ima quit man."

11 Ceiling Cat growlz "D00d, IB teh Ceiling Cat! Whatcha harballzing about?1?12 Now go!!!1 I will tell yeh 2 talk it rite."

13 Moses sez, "but but but but...."

14 Ceiling Cat starts hissing with hckls and teh grwling, "hey st00pid, ok, tellz yer brther aaron to be stoopid w/ u.15 Srsly.16 You be substute Ceiling cat, ur brther can meow.17 Don't fergit teh cool stick. CyaK? Bai."

Returnin 2 Egypt

18 Moses went back to der family and sez, CHOW, smell ya l8ter gon2 egyptz brb.

19 n Ceiling CAt wuz liek "all those d00dz who be hatin u r b4 got pwnd.20 n Moses loaded up teh furrey tranzport anemalz w/ his kittehs n snakey staff n setted out 4 teh gyptians

21 n Ceiling Cat wuz liek "u get 2 teh gyptians, tell dat Pharoah bout teh snakes n leprosy n cool stuff I showd u. Pharoahs gonna be all liek, Moses u suck, but dat ok.22 u just say, "STFU Pharoah, Ceiling Cat sez Israel hiz firstboarn"23 n also tell dat Pharoah, 'since u be hatin on Israel, we gonna kill ur firstboarn' o_0

24 So Moses wuz chillin at teh hotel when Ceiling CAt wuz liek, "Ima p4wn u Moses!"25 but Zipporah wuz liek, "no Wai!" n evn cut off her kittenz 4skin n rubbd it all up Moses feetses. n sed "surely u r bridegroom ov blood 2 me."26 n Ceiling Cat was all liek, "LOL i only playin bout teh killenz Moses ya burnt" n that's y they cut off ur penis tip when u bornz now.

27 So then Ceiling Cat sed, "Hey Aaron-cat, go meet Moses in teh dessert n make out w/ him" n Aaron did.28 then Moses wuz liek, "Whoa that's hot. check out all dis kool stuff Ceiling Cat gave me."

29 An then Moses n Aaron got all teh old Israelites together30 n were liek, "hey, check out dis kool stuff from Ceiling Cat"31 n teh old Israelitez were liek, "Ceiling Cat luvs us, that's cool." n prayd n stuffs.

Exodus 4
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