Exodus 33

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Old Testament

1 An teh Ceiling Cat sez unto Moses, Shoo! an skat, yo an yo budz hu came from hiz Hood, unto the hood wat I handz to Abe, Zak and Jakey-boi sai – ur base r belong to u an tehy.2 An I iz gun sendin Angels an stuf b4 urselfs; an I is shooin Cataanites, teh Amorites an such. All of tehy ebil fules.3 To a land flowin wiv milk an Cheezburgr an stuf: I wunt put teh Cat amung teh pidgins; coz uz all aholes: I mite p0wn thous all by like teh axident.

4 An wen teh peeps heered teh ebilness, tehy did catterwall: an no Cat did bling hisself up.5 An Ceiling Cat dun sez at Moses, sai to ur peeps, ur all aholes: Iz gunna pop caps in yo azzez, an eat ur cheezburgrs an stuf: unbling urselfs, so I can no ur fates.6 An teh peeps did unbling tehyselfs on a hill or such.

Teh Tent of Teh Meetin'

7 An moses taked teh tabbynacle, an did erect (lulz) it awai from teh peeps an did call tehy all unto it or stuf. An all tehy lukin 4 teh Ceiling Cat went at teh Big Tent thingy.8 an whenevr mosez went out 2 teh tent, all teh peeps rose an stood at teh entrancez 2 their tents, watchin mosez til he enterd teh tent.9 as mosez went into teh tent, teh pillar ov cloud wud come down an stay at teh entrance, while teh lord spoke wif mosez.10 whenevr teh peeps saw teh pillar ov cloud standin at teh entrance 2 teh tent, they all stood an worshipd at teh entrancez 2 their tents.11 teh lord wud speek 2 mosez face 2 face, as wan speakz 2 frend. den mosez wud return 2 teh camp, but his young aide joshua son ov nun did not leef teh tent.

Mozes and Teh Glory of Teh Lord

12 mosez sed 2 teh lord, "u has been tellin me, lead thees peeps, but u has not let me knoe whom u will send wif me. u has sed, i knoe u by naym an u has findz favor wif me.13 if u r pleezd wif me, teach me ur ways so i cud knoe u an continue 2 find favor wif u. remembr dat dis nashun iz ur peeps."14 teh lord replid, "mah presence will go wif u, an im gonna giv u rest."15 den mosez sed 2 him, "if ur presence doez not go wif us, do not send us up frum her.16 how will anyone knoe dat u r pleezd wif me an wif ur peeps unles u go wif us? wut else will distinguish me an ur peeps frum all teh othr peeps on teh face ov teh earth?"17 an teh lord sed 2 mosez, "im gonna do teh vry ting u has askd, cuz im pleezd wif u an i knoe u by naym."18 den mosez sed, "nao show me ur glory."19 an teh lord sed, "im gonna cause all mah goodnes 2 pas in frunt ov u, an im gonna proclaim mah naym, teh lord, in ur presence. im gonna has mercy on whom im gonna has mercy, an im gonna has compashun on whom im gonna has compashun.20 but," he sed, "u cant c mah face, 4 no wan cud c me an liv."21 den teh lord sed, "thar iz place near me wer u cud stand on rawk.22 when mah glory pasez by, im gonna put u in cleft in da rawk an covr u wif mah hand til i has pasd by.23 den im gonna remoov mah hand an u will c mah bak; but mah face must not be seen."

Exodus 33
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