Exodus 27

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Old Testament
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Teh Altr of Burnt Offerinz

1 "Build sumin square, mebbe an acacia wod alter, idk just a sugestion. It haz to be three cubitz hi, five cubitz long, fiev cubitz wide. DO IT NAO.2 Nd make an horns at ech of teh four cornerz, so taht teh hornz an teh altr r one hole ting, u dig? Put sum bronz on it, i liek bronz. Shiney.

3 Make sum utensils, bronz to. Liek i sed, bronz is gud. U mite wanna maek an pot, shuvel, bouls, meat forcs (to eat teh cheezburgers, duh) an firepanz. Idk just a sugestion. But u kno u haf to do it, right?4 Then make sum gratingz, a bronze interweb, and four bronze (u kno i liek teh bronz) rings at teh four corners of teh interwebz.

5 Put it undernethe teh ledg of teh altr so itz up teh altr jst halfway. U kno, fifty percent. Not teh fourty nine percentz, fifti. Ima check if u did it rite, if u dint i wil unleshe mi firey rath up on u. U wont hav no mor cheezburgers after that, u wont.6 Put sum bronz on teh acasia to. I LIEK BRONZ, K.

7 Maek it so that teh long sticks r gona go into teh rings, they'll be on too sidez of teh alter when ur slavez r carryin it up teh mountainz. Ur to lazy to do it so u'll probbly axk somone else to do it. Iv been watchn u, i kno how u is. U dun deserv no cheezburgers.8 MAKED IT HOLOW.

Teh Cortyard

9 Then u might wana maek a cortyard for teh tabernuhcle, or liek tent thingeh. I tlk weird, dunt I lol. Teh side over in teh south'll be liek a hunderd cubitz long lol and hav teh linen curtans. Linen iz soft. Ceiling Cat lieks teh linens.10 An yu want liek twenty posts nd twenty BRONZ basses wit silvr huks! Liek Captain Huk lol arrr matey.11 Teh northz side shuld be a hunderd cubitz long wid mo' curtans wit teh bronz baeses again. An teh huks. An teh bandz.

12 Fi'ty cubitz shuld be teh west side, kays.13 Saem for teh east end towrds teh sunrize taht looks liek a ranebow cheezburger.14 Curtans fifteen cubitz long shold be at teh entrance, wit three posts and baeses15 and curtans fifteen cubitz long on teh other sied. Wit three posts an three basses. Lol u tink this is so much instrucsions, but its not rly. I'm lieing but w/e man.

16 Lulz kay. For teh entranse to teh cortyard of majicks, provied a curtan agen lol. Wear ar u gonna get all these curtans? Anywaiz, teh curtin shuld be liek twenty cubitz long nd it shuld hav all these colorz! Liek blu, purpel, scarlt. Colrfull. Moar posts nd basses too, lulz.17 All teh posts around teh cortyard shuld get sum bands nd huks nd basses.18 Thee cortyard shal be a hunderd cubitz long nd fifty cubitz wied wit curtans of linen fiev cubitz hi wit bronz (so many bronz) basez.19 Lulz an hear's teh gud part. Lisen up. LISEN UP. I COMAND U. All of teh stuf used in teh tabernuhcle shuld be BRONZ. LOL BRONZ. Gud stuf.

Oil for teh Stands for the Lamp

20 So liek tell teh Isrelitez to get u sum olive oil. Its not for cuking, dun worry, i kno u cuk rly bad.21 In teh Meeting tent Aron nd his suns shuld keep teh lamps burnin befor Ceiling Cat frum teh night to teh daytiem. This shuld stay amung teh Isrelitez even after u guiz hav lots of teh smex nd get baibies."


Exodus 27
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