Exodus 21

From LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Revision as of 16:59, 8 January 2009 by Novjunulo (Talk | contribs)
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Im N Yr Trybe, Harshn Ahn Yr Slayvs

1 Lissen up my peeps, theez r how u bee judjn ahn them.

2 If yu bye Heeb servint, six yrs yu getz servd: an in teh sebbenth he iz holla'n, 'freedum!'3 If he bee on hiz ohn, he leaf ahn hiz ohn: if he wuz maryd, hiz wyf go wif him.4 If hiz mastah haz givn wyf too him, an if she haz kitnz thankz to slayv; wyf an kitnz iz pwn3d by mastah, an slayv betta gowai. O, SNAPZ!

5 An if servint sez, O noes! I luv mastah, wyf an kitnz; kin ai haz fambly?6 Hiz mastah shall bringz him to judgz; he shall alsoh bringz him to doar, or doar post; an mastah shall jam icepik thru eer; an mastah getz servd 4evah by slayv, so noes talkn back biatch.

7 An if cat selz hiz doter 2 b maydservint, she shall not goez out az teh menservintz duhz.8 If she sez 'iz it in yet???' to mastah, who iz maryd too her, then he shall letz her bee redeemd: noez sellin' her to strayng nashun jus cuz he cain't git it up.9 An if he iz maryn her to hiz sun, he shall deal wif her lik if she wuz a doter.10 If he take anotha wyf; her Meow Mix, her furz, an her duty to PENIS GOEZ WHERE???, shall he nawt diminsh.11 If mastah doez nawt gif 'er dese three tings, she goez free, bit wid no moneey$.

Rools 4 "I gotz hurt!1!!"

12 U hitz a kitteh an he goes "Blargh I am ded!" then yooz too dyze.13 But if U not meenz too killz him, then U must scamper off 2 hide unnner porch I desingates.14 But if yooz planz and offs anodder kitteh, den yooz muss B takn frum mah altar and offed yurslf, srsly. No jokes.

15 Ani kitteh hoo attacxkx dair ma ur pa moss dye. An I doan meen Kate Moss.

16 Iff yoooz kidsnap anodder kitteh and sellz dat kitteh, den itz EndCat tiem fur yooz, not huggz tiem.

17 Even iff yuuz disses yur mommacat ur poppacat, you dyez. Tuff rools, eh?

18 If yooz can haz fite an injurs annoder kitteh, an dat kitteh haids awai to lick hizzelf bettr,19 Den de wun hoo did teh bitin' n scratchin' woant be blamd, butt haz gotta pay 4 foodz n catsnip 4 teh injurd kitt.

20 Iff U hitz yr slaev wid a stik, and teh slaiv gtz hurt, U muss B haxxored,21 butt no prolbem, if slaev okai lader. Itz yr slaev, lol!

22 If yooz fites and hurtz femail preggerz kittah, an da kittnz goez 4th, butt no harmz iz cawzed, den uuuuz muss pay monies dat judgez demanzz.23 Butt iff youz maik ouchy, you takes lief 4 lief,24 ai 4 ai, toof 4 toof, paw 4 paw25 scrach 4 scrach, biet 4 byte, tael 4 tale.

26 If a ketteh hittz a survunt in de eye, an teh survunt goez bline in deh eye, den teh kitteh muss letz survunt goez free.27 An iff hee nox owt a toof, de survunt goez free.

28 If a man-moo-cow stix hiz hoarn ina kitteh so hardd it dyz, de man-moo-cow getz offed. No bull!  ! Teh man-moo-cow muss be kilt wid stoanz huckd at it, an U cannod eet teh meetz. Butt teh kitteh hoo pwnd teh moocow iz not blaimd.29 Bud iff teh moocow can has hobby uv stikin hoarnz in, an teh oaner wuz warnd, an teh moocow killz, den teh moocow AN oanr muss dy. 2 badd!30 Butt oanr can pay shekels orr odder munnys an liff insted.31 Saim goz if moocow stix hoarn in sun oar dotter kittenz.32 If moocow kilz slaev, pay 30 shekelz an huck stoanz at moocow until ded. (Moocowz R trubble, buy sheepz insted. Piggz nott allowd).

33 Iff kitteh diggz hoal inna grownd, an teh animable (e.g. awks r dawnkee) sumwun els oanz falz in, goez "Blargh" an dyz,34 teh kitteh hoo oanz teh hoal muss pay 4 teh ded critter. EZ rool too rembembur.

35 Iff mail moocows fite an wun dies, sell teh winner and splitt teh shekels, chop upp loozer an boath ownrz eet. Nom nom nom.36 Butt iff winner moocowz waz a cereal hoarn-stikker-inner, teh ownr uf teh winnr muss pay 4 teh ded animable an itz hizz 2 taik hoam an eetz.

Exodus 21
Books Chapters
← Previous Next → ← Previous Next →
Genesis Leviticus Exodus 20 Exodus 22
Personal tools