From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Manna n Cheezburgrz
1 Teh hole j00 crew lef Elim n cumz 2 teh Desert o Sin, taht is between Elim n Sinai, on teh fifteenth day o teh 2nd munf after tehy had cum out o Egypt.2 In teh desert teh hole cr00 startid flame war gainst Moses n Aaron.3 Teh j00s sez 2 tehm, "t00 bad CEILING CAT din pwn us 2 deth in Egypt! Haz cheezburgrz in Egypt, but u bringed us wher no haz cheezburgrz. We is dyin 2 haz cheezburgr."
4 Tehn CEILING CAT sez 2 Moses, "Hakkkkh hakkkhh hakkk hhhhaqqqqqqq blehhhhh", for CEILING CAT did much gruming, and expelt furz and cheezburgrz frum hiz belly. He then sez "I throwz exter cheezburgrz 2 u frum ceiling." An' Moses sez, "gross--want nu cheezburgrz." An' CEILING CAT sez, "OK--Teh ppl are 2 go out each day n gather enuf Nu cheezburgrz 4 taht day. Iz test 2 c if tehy suck."5 On teh 6th day tehy are 2 nuke teh cheezburgrz, n taht is 2 b twice as much as tehy scarf up on teh other days."
6 So Moses n Aaron sez 2 all teh j00s, "Tonite u wil no taht it were CEILING CAT who brung u out o Egypt,7 n in teh morning u wil see teh awsomness o CEILING CAT, cuz him chekd out ur flame war gainst him. Who are we, taht u should flame us?"8 Moses also sez, "U wil no taht it were CEILING CAT when him gives u beef paties n cheez 2 eat in teh evening n all teh bunz u want in teh morning, cuz him has chekd ur flame gainst him. Who are we? U are not flamin us, but CEILING CAT."
9 Tehn Moses tol Aaron, "Say 2 teh entire j00 cr00, 'Cum b4 CEILING CAT, 4 him red ur flam war n him not hapy kitteh.'"10 While Aaron were talkin 2 teh hole j00 cr00, tehy lukd @ teh desert, n there waz teh awsomnes o CEILING CAT in a clowd. Wuz shapd like kitteh, srsly.11 CEILING CAT was laik Moses,12 "I herd teh flamin o teh j00s. Tell em, 'At twilight u can haz cheezburgr, n in teh morning u can haz bunz. Tehn u wil no taht I am CEILING CAT.'"
13 taht nite cheezburgrz covered teh camp, n in teh morning was a layer o dew in teh camp.14 When teh dew were gon, lil flaks like frost on teh groun is on teh sand.15 When teh j00s saw it, tehy sez, "Wut iz?" 4 tehy did not no wut it was.
Moses sez 2 them, "It is teh bunz CEILING CAT givz u.
16 This is wut CEILING CAT has sez: 'Oh, hai. Each j00 is 2 scarf as much as him needs. Take a omer 4 each person u have in ur tent.'"
17 Teh j00s did as tehy waz tol; some got much, some little.18 n when tehy count it, teh lamzorz taht no haz much haz plenty n teh h4x w/ plenty has enuf. Each getz rite amownt.19 Tehn Moses is laik, "No 1 is 2 keep any of it til morning."20 Chek it, some o tehm didn lisen 2 Moses; tehy kept part til morning, but tehy changd frm laik big j00cy duble meet windyz burgrz 2 laik dryd up wite cassle slidrz w/ t00 much onyuns n startz 2 stank laik bill gatez. So Moses were pissd.21 Each morning teh j00z getz as much as them needz, n when teh sun grewz hot, it melted laik choklit bar on teh dash.
22 On teh 6th day, tehy gathered twice as much—two omers 4 eech—an teh hed d00dz o teh cr00 came n reported this 2 Moses.23 him iz laik, "This is wut CEILING CAT sed: 'Tomorrow is day o rest, a holy Sabbath 2 CEILING CAT win him laikz to lye on windo sil in sun n iz al lazy. So bake wut u want 2 bake n boil wut u want 2 boil. Save whatever is left n keep it til morning.'"24 So tehy saved it til morning, as Moses sed, n it did not turn 2 wite casle slidrz or stank lik bil gatez.25 Moses is laik, "Eat it today because today is a Sabbath 2 CEILING CAT. u wil not find any cheezburgrz lyin aroun on teh sand today.26 Six days u are 2 gather cheezburgrz, but on teh 7th, teh Sabbath, there wil not b any."
27 Any wai, some lusers went out on teh 7th day 2 gather cheezburgrz, but haz none.28 Tehn CEILING CAT sez 2 Moses, "How long wil u keep tryin to pwn al my base?29 Me tol u dis my day to lye in windo in sun; taht is why on teh 6th day me gives u cheezburgrz 4 two days. Evry1 is 2 stay where him is on teh seventh day; no one is 2 go out 2 luk 4 cheezburgrz laik lamzorz."30 So teh lamerz finly rested on teh 7th day ffz.
31 Teh jOOz called teh cheezburgrz manna. Teh bunz was wite n haz sesame seedz n tastz like aminal crakrz made wif doritoz n cheez w/ bacon bitz. YUMMERZ!32 Moses is laik, "This is wut CEILING CAT sez: 'Take an omer o manna n keep it 4 teh generations 2 come, so tehy can see teh cheezburgrz I givz u 2 eat in teh desert when I brung u out o Egypt.' "33 So Moses sez 2 Aaron, "Take a jar n put an omer o cheezburgrz in it. Tehn givz it 2 CEILING CAT 2 b kept 4 teh generations 2 cum."34 As CEILING CAT sed Moses, Aaron givz it 2 CEILING CAT, taht it mite b kept.35 Teh j00s ate manna forty years--tehy wuz a litle slo--until tehy came 2 a land taht were settled; tehy ate manna until tehy reached teh border o Canaan were teh cheezburgr iz cald "Teh Royale."36 (An omer is one tenth of an ephah lol.)
|← Previous||Next →||← Previous||Next →|
|Genesis||Leviticus||Exodus 15||Exodus 17|