Esther 8

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Old Testament
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1 End den Ahasuerus canhaz'd da houz uv Haman de Jewfighta' canhaz'd ta Esther teh hi ladycat. (Her ar queen nao lulz) Mordecai lul'd en frunt uf da lolking fer Esther lold et he that shecanhaz'd him chzbrgr.

2 End lolking tuk da lolring, wich him canhaz'd frum Haman, end canhazd et ta Mordecai. Den Esther wuv'd Mordecai MOAR dan her wuv'd Haman.

3 End Esther lol'd agen far da lolking, emd flopd et him feets, end lold et him wif soggy eyewater ta noet deathlol at Haman da Agagite, end his JEWMACHINE.

4 Lolking tuk hiz shinystick end poof'd eet at Esther. So da Esther stud up, and lol'd et teh lolking.

5 And lol'd: If lolking r happy wif me, and if If lolking r happy wif me, and if If lolking r happy wif me, mak haman not keeldeded jewcatz okay? thx:

6 Wonce evil happenz and mah pplz are keeleded, I can lol no more.

7 Then lolking Ahasuerus lol'd @ Esther, top lolkitty and Mordecai the Jiwcat, lol, Icanhaz'd Esther the houze Haman, and him hanged they haz on gallowz, because he had der Jewmachine

8 lol @ the jewcatz w/ the lolkings permisshun: becuz ppl rispect lolking, kay?

9 Theen kingz writermen wer cald at sum pioint we dun care abut, that is, the month Sivan, on the three and twentieth day thereof; and they luld @ everyone & Mordecai sed @jewcatz, andlieutenantsanddeputiesandrulersoftheprovinceswifIndiatoEthiopia, blahblahblahblah.

10 And he did wut they sed him tu du, and sint letters:

11 and iun deeze leterz da king sed da jewcatz shuld stand up fer daemselvz and dey shuld fight da bad peeps dat wantz to take da tings away from dem.

12 On december thirteenf

13 da letterz were publlocly postid and da jewcatz shuld be feelin da fightin wifin demz.

14 And the letterz went and the jewcatz was redy.

15 And Mordecai lol'd @ da ppl he wuz wearing shinycloths with a shinything upon hiz hed, and Shushan ppl go "yeah!"

16 The Jewcatz wuz happy den cuz day wuz gud wif everyfing

17 And jewcatz wuz happy and lots of jewcatz in hiding came out and thingz waz guud to be jewcat.

Esther 8
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