Deuteronomy 30

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Old Testament
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Cheezburgrz wen looks at teh Ceiling Cat

1 Wen yu gets all deez cheezburgrz an stufs dat I gived yu, an yu taeks dem tu hart wer yu r,2 an wen yu an ur kidz goz bac tu teh Ceiling Cat an lissens tu him wif everyfing yu gots,3 den teh Ceiling Cat wil givs yu bac ur cheezburgrz an loev yu, an den yu can coem bac frum wer him putted yu.4 Even if yu goed, liek, all teh way owt ov teh hows, teh Ceiling Cat stil brings yu bac.5 Him gunna give yu ur daddeez land, liek srsly. An him gunna gives yu MOAR cheezburgrz den ur fadr.6 Teh Ceiling Cat gunna cut off teh very tip ov ur penis, ecsept it gunna be on ur hart. Iz not no how dat wurk. LOLZ. But he gunna du it, so dat yu can loves him moar.7 Teh Ceiling Cat gunna also maek all teh bad kittehs hav flees.8 Den yu lissen tu him an all teh tings I tellz yu today.9 Den teh Ceiling Cat maeks yu hav teh most cheezburgrz fr everyfing yu duz. An him be hapee tu giv yu dem, tu,10 if yu lissen tu him an du teh stuf in hiz book an stuf. Liek, srsly, yu gots tu du dat.

Teh offerz ov lief an deth

11 Now, unles yu iz a total n00b or stoopdi or sumfing, den dis iz not hard.12 Itz not on teh ceiling, so dat yu asks, "Hoo clims teh certan to gets it an tell it tu us?"13 Itz not acros teh pond eeder, cuz dat wood be meen, cuz waturz iz bad.14 No, teh wurd iz very neer; itz in ur mowth. LOLZ. Dat not very far. So yu gots to lissen tu it.

15 See, I gives yu lief an cheezburgrz today, but also deth an bad stufs.16 Cuz Iz tellin yu tu loev teh Ceiling Cat, an du wut he sez; den yu wil liv an get biggr, an teh Ceiling Cat wil give yu teh cheezburgrz.

17 But if yu dont du dat, an if yu, liek, did it for anuddr god,18 yu iz on teh list tu be pwnzord. Yu not gunna live fr long, an yu definitly not gettin cheezburgrz.

19 Did day I callz teh ceiling an teh urfs tu see me give yu lief an deth, cheezburgrz an bad stufs. LOLZ. Teh ceiling an teh urf cant see. So, yu gots tu choos lief, cuz uddrwiz yu gunna be pwnzord.20 An also loev teh Ceiling Cat an lissen tu him. Srsly, iz not a joke. Cuz he iz ur lief, an he can give yu moar lief, tu.

Deuteronomy 30
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