Deuteronomy 24

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So Yu Wanna Git a Divorse

Sed Moses to Israel:

1 "So whut if some ladee got divorsed by hers furst guy an he gaev hur teh paperz nd droev awai?2 Then latur she marrehd sum other d00d,3 an he divorseded hur too, what now?4 Nao she cant marreh hur first husbind agen cuz she haz sexee tiem wit d00d nummer 2. If tehy did mr. Ceilin' Cat wuld puke up hiz cheezburgers. Yu don't want taht.

Misulanneus St00fs

5 "If sum dood and sum gal wernt togethar fur a yeer, tehn he cant go off ta warz or liek, do work fur some reazon. He haz to stay home nd maek teh ladee happerz, yeno?

6 If yur gonna let sumone borow yer muneyz, don't take them's grain grindin' rokz, kay? Yu best not.

7 Yu best not abdukt other doods, or els yu gonna die. Ceiling Cat don't liek that.

8 K so mak suers yu do wut teh Ceiling Cat sez if yu gotz icky skin. Srsly.

9 Srsly. 'Membr wut teh Ceiling Cat dun to teh dood in Egypt. Srsly.

An Tere Be MOOR St00fs!

10 So when yu gives a d00d yur muneyz for tempurari, yu duznt go in teh howse of teh d00d and demands for teh muneyz bak.11 Yu stands on his front laun an yu demandz teh muneyz. Srsly.12 If he a d00d who need stuff, yu no taek nap on teh pledj. Cuz it not sanitaree. Also, cushin be softur.13 No, yu givez teh pledj to teh d00d an ten yu taeks a nap. If yu do tis, Ceiling Cat be hapy. Srsly.

14 Wen tere is workur wat need stuff, yu no maek him wet. Srsly.15 Yu give him teh muneyz yu oez him b4 yu taeks a nap, cuz he need stuff. Or if tis not be, ten he complain to teh Ceiling Cat. An tis no gud.

16 Teh kittehz cants die for deir fathers or teh fathers die for kittehz, only if u sin, u die. No like. 18 Buts remember that u were in Egypt, and you no like, so the ceiling cat saves you and give you cookies, so now you has to do what i tell you and sutuffs.19 When you make dough for cookies in your field, and allready have some at home, leave it for the poorer kitteh that no have cookies to take the dough and maek, and so if you do, ceiling cat will give you cheezburgers.

Old Testament
Deuteronomy 24
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