Deuteronomy 23

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Old Testament


Here iz soem lawz from Moses Cat 4 u
Rulez for who cant goe insied teh Ceiling Cat's houz.

1 Soz, leik, if u haz goed to teh vet and been neutered or if u haz has crushed harbls then u can't go in The Ceiling Cat's house.2 Nowun begatten of, leik, a forbidden marriage, nor his bebes nor his bebe's bebes all the wai to ten bebes away can enter The Ceiling Cat's house.3 A Ammonite or Moabite, or hiz bebes or hiz bebe's bebes all the wai to ten bebes away noen of dem iz can evir go inside teh Ceiling Cat's houz. Srsly!14 Why? I iz tell u why! Iz becuz dem diddent meet u with cheeseburgerz and watter when u wuz leevin Ejipt. An also becuz dem wuz had thair buddy Balaam, who'z dad wuz Beor who hunged owt in Mesopotamia, to put a nasti curse on u5 But luckey 4 u Ceiling Cat diddent listen to Balaam, an maed teh curse into a big piel of cheezburgrz 4 u becuz Ceiling Cat tinks u iz da bomb.6 So u shud nevir be niec to dem or evir gif dem cheezburgrz or anythin ever.7 U iz cant haet doods from Edom cuz dey iz ur bros, k? An u cant be mean 2 Ejiptians cuz u wuz once an undokumented worker in thair land an dey evin let u hav driverz licensez.

Rulez for when u iz on a camping trip

9 When u iz sleepin in da tent owtside uz haz 2 stai awai frum yucky stuffs.10 If u iz a boy cat an u iz up in ur tent dreemin abowt gerl catz an u haz a "nokternil emishun" (wink wink), then u haz to goe owtside of teh camp an stay awai.11 But latr if u lick ur furz kleen then u mai coem back to teh camp after sunset.12 U haz to pick a plaec owstide ur camp 2 be ur l33tr box.13 If u "drop teh kids off at teh pool" in teh l33tr box (if u noe what i meanz), then u haz to cover up teh mess u maeks an hied it undr teh l33tr.14 U wunderz why? Becuz the Ceiling Cat lieks to be up in ur camp protektin u from ur enemeez, an u duzzint want himz to see any yucky stuffs. Srsly!1!!

Othr rulez 4 u

15 If a slave iz up in ur houz, dont gifs him back to himz master.16 Insted, let himz liev wherevr he wunts to an dont try to boss himz arown and stuffs.17 No israelite man or woman iz 2 become shrine prostitute.18 u must not brin teh earnings ov female prostitute or ov male prostitute into teh houz ov teh lord ur ceilin cat 2 pai any vow, cuz teh lord ur ceilin cat detests them both.19 do not charge ur brothr interest, whethr on money or fud or anythin else dat cud earn interest.20 u cud charge foreignr interest, but not brothr israelite, so dat teh lord ur ceilin cat cud bles u in evrythin u put ur hand 2 in da land u r enterin 2 posess.21 if u mak vow 2 teh lord ur ceilin cat, do not be slow 2 pai it, 4 da lord ur ceilin cat will certainly demand it ov u an u will be guilty ov sin.22 but if u refrain frum makin vow, u will not be guilty.23 whatevr ur lips uttr u must be sure 2 do, cuz u made ur vow freely 2 teh lord ur ceilin cat wif ur own mouth.24 if u entr ur neighbors vineyard, u cud eat all teh grapez u wants, but do not put any in ur basket. 25 if u entr ur neighbors grainfield, u cud pick kernels wif ur hanz, but u must not put sickle 2 his standin grain.

Deuteronomy 23
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