Deuteronomy 22

From LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Jump to: navigation, search
Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Deuteronomy 22
Books Chapters
← Previous Next → ← Previous Next →
Numbers Joshua Deuteronomy 21 Deuteronomy 23

Contents

U show sum respkt 2 animlz n stuff

1 If u seez ur pplz ockzez or teh sheepz wandrin, u iz not liek "o wel". u getz teh ockzez or the sheepz bak 2 dem rite awai.2 If u no noes who ownz teh animlz, then u keepz it saf untl teh ownr goes arownd all liek "omg! i has invisbl sheepz!" then u be like "o hai, i has ur sheepz, let me giv it to u."3 Iz sam for teh donkyz, teh clothes or whatevr. U no b liek "o wel, i no getz involvd."4 If u seez deh donky or teh ocks falln down, u iz not liek "i lev it dere, rofl." U halpz it up.

v 7. "U onli eatz teh chikz."

5 Ladeez no wer gais cloths, n gais no wer ladeez cloths. Ceiling Cat iz all liek, "OMG! do not want!"

6 If u seez teh burdiez nest, n dere r chikz or egz wif teh m0m burd sitn on them, u no eatz teh m0m burd.7 U onli eatz teh chikz. U do dis n all iz c00l.

8 If u bildz noo haus, u makez teh rail arownd teh roof so no dum gais fallz off.9 U not miks seedz in ur gardn, r els. Grapz be filed.10 U no mak ockz plow wif ur ass - be plow n circel.11 U no wayr cloes of sheeps wif cloes of flax - rilly itch.12 U mak three fringez on ur cloes for times ekwullz twelf, gettid? Put it on, kai?

Ladeez can haz onlee won danglee sexxes, kai?

13 If a dood mareez a chic, n putz danglee sexxes in her n then DOES NOT WANT14 N sez stuffs bout her, n calls her namz, n seds I putz mai danglee sexxes in her but Iz not furst - her iz not n00b,15 Den teh momz and dadz of teh chic takes the sheetz to teh gardz at teh malls16 N teh dadz seds to teh gardz, O hai, ai givs mai dotter to thz dood n DOES NOT WANT,17 N teh dood callz her namz, and seds his danglee sexxes not furst. So dadz sho gardz sheet wif wet spot and sheet all red frum chix bleedeeng fum furst sexxes. Eww.18 N teh gardz at teh mall chays teh dood n spra his wif watr.19 N teh gardz at teh mall maks teh dood givs teh dadz coin, liek a hunderd of dem, lol, cuz teh dood seds stuff bout teh chic, n calls her namz. Teh chic haz no sexxes beefo so she haz to stai with the dood nou - SUCKS. No divors fo u fo evah!20 But if chic haz sexxes beefo, n sheet not red from bludz,21 Eww, big trubl. Gardz at teh mall tak chic home n all teh pplz wif danglee sexxes fro rox at her till she diez, WTF? cuz she maks pplz wif danglee sexxes look stoopit. Iz eevl to mak pplz wif danglee sexxes pai. Can haz onlee won danglee sexxes. Dats teh rool. Tew bad fo u.

Gais be keepn ur sexxes tew urselfz

22 If a gai be putin sexxes in a ladee, and liek teh ladee haz marij, then bof is kilt, bof teh gai that haz sexxes in teh laddee and the ladee tew: bof is kilt n sended away fum teh chosn pplz.23 If a ladee is chosn bai a gai but no gai put sexxes in her yet, n anothr gai putz sexxes in her, n it be hapnin in a mall24 U bring dem bof to teh fud cort n frow rox at dem untl dey kilt, teh ladee cuz she dint screem, n teh gai cuz he put him sexxes in her.25 If a gai put him sexxes in teh ladee n teh ladee is chosn bai a gai but no sexxes yet - baer wif me nao - n it be hapnin in a feeld, den kilt onlee teh gai. Gettid?26 Nutn be hapnin to teh ladee - she coont halp it. It liek when a gai kilz him nabr, waht?27 Kai, it liek in the moovy - no pplz cood heer her screem. It mor liek dat, kai?28 If a gai put him sexxes in a ladee that haz no sexxes beefo, n teh ladee duznt want no sexxes in her n no gai haz chosn her fo putin sexxes in latr,29 Then the gai mus pai the ladeez dadz fiffy coin uv silfur, and teh ladee haz to staye n b himz wyf, wtf? No divors fo u fo evah.

Won mor thing. Kai, tew, then bai.

30 O, n bai teh wei, doan do ur mom or mom numbr tew or n-e ladee ur dadz haz chosn. Not kewl. Also, doan put ur eyez up ur dadz skirt. Hoo r use pplz?

Deuteronomy 22
Books Chapters
← Previous Next → ← Previous Next →
Numbers Joshua Deuteronomy 21 Deuteronomy 23
Personal tools