Deuteronomy 2

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Old Testament
Wanderin' Thru Teh Dessert!

1 K then we turned n went out way frum home liek ceiling cat tole us 2. We went round Mount Seir 4 dayz, cuz we wuz lost.

2 An Ceiling Cat talked 2 me, an he sez,3 k, thatz enuff. Go north,4 u will sez hi to ur bros sonz o Esau n Seir; they will be fraidy u. So be careful!5 Do not try to take their bukkit, I gave them that bukkit.6 U can buy cheezburger, but u pay 4 it with a monies.

7 I is good ceiling cat 2 u; u can has cheezburger, wut, u want moer?

8 So we is good sonz o ceiling cat, we went by dem, sayin, hi bros. An we went 2 Moab.

9 An Ceiling Cat sez 2 me, dem Moabites, don't bug 'em. Iz ther bukkit, iz not yr bukkit.

10 (O ya btw there used 2 b Emites dere.11 Emites wuz liek Anakites, dey wuz Rephaites, but Moabites called em Emites, so \/\/.12 O an Horites wuz in Seir, but sonz o Esau be takin their bukkit, liek when Ceiling Cat gaev bukkit 2 Israelites.)

13 An Ceiling Cat sez, k now cross Zered Valley. So we duz that then.

14 An it wuz 38 yrs frum leavin Kadesh Barnea til we xed Zered Valley. Liek Ceiling Cat sez, all fightin menz wuz ded!15 All of em!

16 An when the last wun had deid,17 Ceiling Cat sed, k,18 Now goez 2 Moab.19 dem Moabites, don't bug 'em. Iz ther bukkit, iz not yr bukkit."

20 (That 2 was considered a land of teh Raphaites, who used 2 live there; butt teh Ammonites called them Zumzummites.21 They were a peeps strong and numerous, and as tall as teh Anakites. Teh LORD PWNED them from b4 teh teh Ammonites, who drove them out and settled in they're place.22 Teh LORD had done teh same 4 teh descendants of Esau, who lived in Seir, when he PWNED teh Horites from b4 them. They drove them out and have lived in they're place 2 this day.23 And as 4 teh Avvites who lived in villages as far as Gaza, teh Caphtorites coming out from Caphtor PWNED them and settled in they're place.)

Sihon King of Heshbon Gets PWNED!

24 "Set out now and cross the Arnon Gorge. k? srsly. Sea, I have given in to ur hand Sihon teh Amorite, king od Hesbon, m and his country. Go over their and PWN him 4 me, k? srsly.25 Cuz then every1 is gonna be afraid of u."

26 From teh dessert of Kedemoth I sent messengers 2 Sihon king of Heshbon offerin' peace and saying27 "Let's pass thru ur country. We'll stay on teh main road; we'll not turn aside 2 teh right oar 2 teh left28 Can I haz food and water??? Can I haz passage thru ur country???29 Plz plz plz let us pass thru ur country, just like teh descendants of Esau, who live in Seir, and teh Moabites, who live in Ar, did 4 us. Plz plz plz let us pass thru ur country so we can watch Crossing Jordan and gets 2 teh land witch teh LORD are God is givin' 2 us. Plz?"30 Butt Sihon king of Heshbon refused 2 let us pass thru. 4 teh LORD ur God had made his spirit stubborn and his heart obstinate inn order 2 give him in to ur hands, as he haz now done.

31 Teh LORD sayz 2 me, "Sea, I have be gun 2 deliver Sihon and hiz country over 2 u. Now begin 2 PWN him now, plz? srsly."

32 When Sihon and all his army came out to meet us in battle at Jahaz,33 teh LORD are God delivered him ova 2 us and we PNWED him, and we PWNED his kittenz, and we PWNED his hole army!34 We also PWNED teh townz, and we PWNED teh men, and PWNED teh women, and PWNED teh children, and we PWNED every1!35 Butt teh livestock and teh plunder we did not PWN. Instead, we carried it off 4 ourselvez.36 From Aroer on teh rim of teh Arnon Gorge, and from teh town on teh gorge, even as far as Gilead, not one town did not get PWNED! Every single town gots PWNED!37 Butt in accor dance with teh command of teh LORD are God, u did not enroach on any of teh land of teh Ammonites, neither teh land along teh coarse of teh Jabbok, nor that around teh townz in teh hills.

Deuteronomy 2
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