Deuteronomy 14

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Old Testament
C00kies n stuff

1 Plz to be remembering Ceiling Cat ur daddy. He no like u shavin urself over ded kittehs. U kitteh anyway. Y not lick?2 Lickins wut kittehs do. Do this n Ceiling Cat think u teh awezome.

3 Nasties stufsz is teh nasties.4 Deez shtufs isnt is: oxes, sheepes, goatse5 deerses, gazelleses, roe deerses, wild goatse, ibexes, antelopez n mountain sheepses.6 also teh moocows n other stuff dat nom on grass n has dem weird hoofs7 except teh camel, rabbitz n sumthin dat prolly extinct now. Dey noms teh grass but they still unclean. (Sumthin to do with teh feets)8 Pigs SPESHLY lyk dem nasties. U do not want.

9 K so wut about feesh n crabs n water cookies?10 Feesh = ok. AFAIK, if it got scales or finz, is ok.

11 birdz ok too, unless dey iz12 eaglez, vulturez, black vultures,13 red kite, black kite, falconz,14 ravenz,15 owlz, gullz, hawkz,16 more owlz17 even more owlz n also 0sprey, cormorant,18 storkzes, heronz, the hoopoez and teh bat (which not a bird but I not questionin Ceiling Cat).

19 "Ow! Ow! Beezys n wospys done stinged me! DO NOT WANT!20 "Chikin, nam nam, fill bukkit wiv him, wings n orl, kthx.

21 "U no can eats teh animulz taht dies uf natrul cauze. U giv it to other ppl who arnt frum here, k? Also, no can haz goatburgr cookd in milk. Dat just gross.

Tithin teh monies

22 Ceiling Cat always gets 10%. ALWAYS.23 Also, Ceiling Cat want dat 10% delivered. Grain, b00ze, orl, cookies...he want speshul deliveree to sumwhere he decides.24 Sumtimes speshul deliveree too far away to carry cookies. Sumtimes too many cookies to carry but dat only becuase Ceiling Cat bless u w/ them.25 Dat ok. Trade cookies for teh monies n get movin.26 Got there? K. Trade teh monies for more cookies n eat dem. Say unto Ceiling CAt: I bought you a cookie but i eated it. Is ok with Ceiling CAt, is symbolick.27 don't 4get to give some cookies to the Levites, deys po'.

28 also, every 3 years bring some cookies to town29 n give it 2 teh Levites n widders n cookie-less, cos deys po' n feedin dem keep Ceiling Cat happy.

Deuteronomy 14
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