Daniel 8

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Old Testament
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Daniel Haz Vizun ov Boi Sheepz an Goat

1 So, liek, n teh thurd yaer ov taht gui Belshazzar (mai udder nme iz soundink liek dat too!), Ai haz vizun aftur dat udder vizun Ai toldz u abowt.2 An n dis vizun dere wuz mi n de rilly imprtant playc n Susa, an ai wuz nxt to de playce dat putz de waturz in de citi.3 I lokked up an seez a boi sheepz wit two hornz. Him wuz besydez de waturz, an him haz looooong hornz. Liek, un of teh hornz wuz rilly looooong, butt teh udder grew layter cuz it haz laet pubertiez or sumtink.4 Teh boi sheepz ran arownd evrywherez becuz him canz. An no animulz haz pwrz to stop him, becuz him haz rilly strng prowrs. Liek, him doez wut him wantz. Him wuz srsly teh awsum.

5 K, ai wuz thnkin bout teh boi sheepz, an liek, omg! Dere wuz sum goat! An dis goat haz rilly big horn btween him eyez (liek unicorm or somthink! lol) an him wuz floting ovah teh urth all ovah teh playce liek hovrcat!6 Teh goat liek, caem to teh boi sheepz an charged hiz lazur becuz him wuz rilly angry! (I dun no wai, lol.)7 An de lazur hit de boi sheepz rilly hrd an broke him hornz! OMG! Teh boi sheepz wuz waek an fellz daown an cudnt get up! An teh goat steppded all ovah him an teh boi sheepz haz no onez to halp him!8 Teh goat wuz rilly awsum cuz he has teh hovrcat prowrs, butt wehn him wuz rilly hi on teh survur rankz, teh rilly big unicorm hornz wuz liek, "k bai." Den foor udder hornz wuz liek, "o hai der!" an groo to teh ceilingz.

9 An him haz udder hornz from un ov teh foor. Dis horn wuz tiny but it haz rilly fast pubertyz an groo to teh south an teh eastz an to teh rilly pretty lawnz an teh bad lawnz.10 An it wuz grew till it hit teh ceilingz, an broke teh ceilingz! Liek, sum draiwallz waz fall daown, an teh goat crushded it gud!11 Him sez him wuz rilly rilly awsum! An den him taekz teh speshul cheezburgerz from teh Ceiling Cat an taek teh Ceiling Cat's fud bowll.12 An cuz teh goat wuz liek, "k liek ai iz teh awsum!" teh speshul pepplz dat followded teh Ceiling Cat gaev teh goat moar cheezburgurz. An teh goat wuz suksezfull. An teh teechin of teh Ceiling Cat wuz thorwn to teh graownd. Was sad tiems.

13 Den a speshul gui wuz tlaking to dis udder speshul gui an dey sed, "Liek, OMG! Wehn dis vizun happnz?! Ai wantz to konwz wen de cheezburgerz iz givun to teh goat, an wen all teh crzy stuffz wid sayin no moar Ceiling Cat? Wen does him haz worry abaowt ceiling repearz an teh food bowllz an stuffz?"

14 Den him sed, "LOL! It taekz two-thouznd an tree hunred daiz an nites. Den teh ceilingz get fixed."

Teh Inturpertashun ov Teh Vizun

15 So ai, Daniel, wuz watchin teh vizun an wuz leik, "wtf?", der wuz a gui hoo lokked liek a hooman!16 An ai hurd a hooman sez from teh waturz, "Yo sup, Gabriel! Liek, tell dis dood wat him vizun iz sed."

17 An den he caem neer an ai wuz liek, "OMG!" an wuz rilly skared an fell daown on mai faece. (Ow! Dat rilly hurt!) An den him sez, "Sun of hooman, u needz to undrstand dis vizun becuz itz abowt teh endz tiemz."

18 An liek, ai falled ahsleep wile him wuz talkingz to mi cuz i haz teh narkolepzy! (Liek, srry!) Den him wuz liek, "lol" an waked mi up. Him wuz rilly nice an standz mi to mai feetz.

19 Him sez, "Hai! I tellz u wut happen laytur in teh tiemz of angri tingz, cuz ur vizun iz abowt teh endz tiemz, liek ai sed befor, rite?20 Teh boi sheepz u sawz wuz teh kignz of dese two cookies, rite? Dey importunt, k.21 An teh goat iz teh kign of Greece, an teh unicorm hornz wuz teh furst kign. Him haz rilli big cookie.22 An liek, teh foor hornz dat bork teh ceilingz iz foor udder cookies dat coam form teh rilli big cookie butt dey nawt az speshul.

23 "Laytur in der roolingz, wen dey r rilly bad, a rilly kewl guy will caom, rite? Him knowz haow to be inturestingz.24 Him wud be rilly strng, butt dat cuz him hax wid udder coderz. An him turnz on god-mod an maekz tingz ded an rez hiz attk pointz to be xtra leet. Him killded teh speshul pepplz ov teh Ceiling Cat.25 Den him maekz cheturz awsum, an hizelf rilly awsum. An wehn dey feelz gud abowt demselvz, him killz mani peeplez, an trie to cloze teh hol of teh Ceiling Cat. Him will be ded, butt nawt cuz hoomanz did it.

26 "Teh vizun ov teh daiz an teh nites be troo. Butt trai nawt to think bout it, k? Itz rilly in teh footure, lol."

27 Liek, so ai r Daniel (ai has to sai dat cuz ai forgit lotz, lol.), an ai iz tierd! Liek, mai narkolepzy iz happen! Iz anoying, lol. An ai got teh floo, so stayz n bed. Den ai done teh kign's bizzniz. Teh vizun still maekz me go "wtf!" Ai iz so furstrated! LOL!


Daniel 8
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