Daniel 6

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Old Testament
Daniel n teh Den ov teh Hungreh Kittehs
Ceiling Cat sayz no eetsin Daniel

1 K. Kign Darius appointz 120 ppl to halp him wiv all teh govmenz, in charj over teh hole howse!2 Suddnly wez gotz adminz, too-- FREE OV DEM! An Daniel one ov dem. Teh govment ppl wuz maed in charj, so teh kign hav no loss.3 Daniel waz a gud govment person an teh kign liekd his skillz. Teh king maed Daniel his bestest man evr. Srsly.4 Da othr kittehs wer mad, tho, cuz thay wantd da top spot on da skratch post sumtims!!! Teh govurnment ppl lukd for naughty tings 'bout Daniel, but tey find nuttin. Daniel waz gud and never hit teh katnip too hadr and waz not naughty to other kittehs.5 An theez othar ppl sayz "Geuss we gotta get him in trubbl wif da king cuz he lubz Ceiling Cat."

6 An teh govmen ppl, went 2 teh kign an sais, "O hai Kign Darius! Livez forevar!7 All teh pressydenz uf teh kingdum, teh govnerz, prencez, teh cownselorz, an teh kaptenz, we has talkded toogedder an we agreez too maek a new r00l. Dat ifs any ppls be asken faverz of any God or man fer terty dayz, sept frum u, kign d00d, he gunna be liek trown inta teh pit of da big lyonz! RAWR!!!8 Now, kign d00d, DO EET an put it in riteing so dat it noes be mixted up or changed, accordin to da rulez of teh Medes an Pershuns pplz, wat cant be taked back."9 So da king did it.

10 Ok so Danyul heared bout da new rule, an he went back to his haowz, up dee stairs to a room wif windows. Dey has a gr8t view of Jeroosalum! Tree tiems a day he got donw on hiz nees an prrr'd, gievin tanks to Ceiling Cat, like he be doin b4. Cuz he dont' care bout no nao r00l!11 Den theez doods finded Daniel prrr'ing an askin Ceiling Cat fur halp. They saw wut he did thar.12 So dey wnet to teh kign an wuz liek: "Didn't u maek a rule bout prrr'ing to da Ceiling Cat?" Teh kign sayz, "O hai! Ya, I did that."

13 Then teh kitteh said to the king, "Oh hai... teh Daniel, who is one of the kittehs from Judah-littrbocks ppls, iz not doin ur nao roo1. He is liek tottaly prrin 3 times to da Ceiling cat. He must be liek totaly be trown to teh lions."14 Then teh king wuz like "NOOZ!!1!" cuz he din't want Daniel to be eated.

15 But teh mens wur liek "Uz got to stik to ur laws, dood."

16 So teh king throwed Daniel into teh home of teh beeg lyons to be eated, but said Ceiling Cat wud sayve Daniel.

17 Then the door to the beeg lyon kitteh's hwme wuz lokkd. Oh nooo!!!18 And teh king wuz awl gilty insyde an cudnt slep.

19 So in teh morning teh king goed to c if Ceiling Cat had saveded Daniel.20 So him axsed. "Daniel, u still live? Ceiling Cat sav'd u?"

21 And Daniel wuz live!!!!22 He said, "Ceiling Cat had sended Hovrcat who fed teh kittehs soz they wuldnt eet me cuz Ceiling Cat didden see menny badz in me."

23 Soez teh king sed to get out of teh rawr kitteh's house. N Daniel had no skratches or nuffin on him, cuz he nowed Ceiling Cat was teh awesum.

24 Then teh king sed to put teh bad kittehs in wit teh rawr kittehs. And teh rawr kittehs teard up teh bad kittehs before they landed on teh ground. (NOM NOM NOM!) srsly.

25 Den Top Cat Darius sez to errybody, "Da Force b wif u!"

26 "I maedz a r00l dat all u gaiz gotta b scared ov Ceiling Cat,

Cuz him is da live Ceiling Cat,
and gonna live fuhrevar!
His howse not b deestroy'd,
He b r00lin for always.
27 He sav'd
He does magiks
Up in da ceiling and on da urfs,
He sav'ded Daniel
Frum da big hungry kittehs. RAWR."

28 Den Daniel had a happie wen Darius wuz da king.

Daniel 6
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