Daniel 3

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Old Testament
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Teh statchu an teh Microwayve

1 Teh Kign Cheez Nebuchadnezzar maked a huge statchu like ninety foots big an wuz liek, "I'll put it in teh kewlest plaice in Babylon LOL!"2 Then he sed: "Everywun get ur buts ovar here so I can sho u mai neu invenshun!"3 Everywun went ovar thar and luuked at it.

4 Then teh kign's loud voise man sed: "OMG! I iz ttly teh sh!T."5 "U heer muzak, u fall down, k?"6 "If u dont, then I gets super pissed an i throw u into teh microwayve an u becom sizzly stake for to put in mai Meow Mixyumyumyum."

7 An then teh muzak cames OH NOES! So every1 felled down an wershipped teh statchu.

8 Sum ppl sed: "The Jewcats suck LOL!"9 They sed to teh Kign Cheez: "I wants u to has meh childrens!"10 "U sed stuffs an ppl wuz like, 'OK.'"11 "Cuz tehy dont want to be yumyum steak in ur Meow Mix."12 "But luuk! Teh Jewcats Shadrach, Meshach, an Abednego are teh stuupids! They arnt doing wut u sai! KILL THEM WITH FIRE DESU!"

13 Then teh kign Neduchadnezzr whas liek "O rly? OMG! I iz soooo anrgy! bring teh insurectionistz to ME!" and they wuz brot.14 And he quesitonz themz and sez "Did u rly?"15 "Can u do if I hand u sexond chanz? When yuo here teh muzak uv teh trompit, floot, bill gaither, liar, pieps, and all othar muzaks, u fall down, k? Otharwies u can burn in teh cheez oven wich i make for u. Yr Ceiling Cat wont resqueue u then!"

16 An teh Jewcatz sez "U NOOB!

19 Nebuchadnezzar got so dugg that he set teh giant microwayve to hi powar! So that it was sevan times tostiar than norml.20 He toldz his leet guyz 2 ty up teh Jewcats Shadrach, Meshach, an Abednego an put dem in teh microwayve.21 So deeze doodz wuz wearin der robez n undawerz n turbunz n oder clothz an waz all in teh rilly hawt microwayve.22 An teh leet wuz all burnded up cuz teh microwayve wuz so hawt n dey died. LOL23 butt teh Jewcatz wuz tyed up an in teh microwayve.

24 Teh kign Neduchadnezzr wuz liek, "OMG der wuz three Jewcatz n teh microwayve!" An hiz frendz sed, "YA RLY."25 An teh kign sed, "WTF der iz fur, an dey iz wlkin untyed an not crispeh! Srsly! An teh forth lukz liek a bebbeh kitten of ceiling catz!"

26 Den Neduchadnezzr sed, "Hay u srvants of mst hi Ceiling Cat u can can comes out nao lol! Cum herez so ai can seez u not crispeh!" So den teh Jewcatz cum out of teh microwayve.27 An srsly dey wuz nawt burnded an dey don smell lyke smoke an fire - an none of der fur an skin wuz tuched. Srsly. All teh kign's frendz sed so.

28 An teh kign Neduchadnezzr sed, "OMG! Mny cheezburgerz to teh Ceiling Cat hoo snt hiz Wing Catz an hiz survntz to sayve Shadrach, Meshach, an Abednego! Srsly dey tursted n teh Ceiling Cat an liek wnt aginst mi cuz dey no wrship statchu an rsked der lievz.29 So liek nobody tuch dem Jewcatz an der litterboxes cuz ai sed so KTHXBAI." (Liek hi skeered ov teh Ceiling Cat cuz hi got l33t pwrz! lol srsly)

30 Den Shadrach, Meshach, an Abednedgo got raizez an propz in teh kigndumz ov Babylonz. Srsly!


Daniel 3
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