Daniel 11

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Old Testament
bad tings to cum. srsly.

1 An yu kinda need to know ai kpt dariuz teh meed saef. ttly.

Kingz ov da Souf and Norf Plaices

2 Wat iz gona to tell yu iz certin to hapen. srsly. four kings will rool pursha, one aftah the othe, but the ferth one will becoem much moor rich befoer others. srsly, his monyz will mak him so roking that he will trn all teh peeps against teh grease kingdom.3 Thenn a roking king will cum to be in chrge and will do al that he iz wanting.4 Butt thenn his landz will be boomed to the four cornrz of teh wurld, wher for more kingdoms will rise. But thez not to be rooled by his kidz or be as roking as his kingdom.

5 Teh king from teh south will get ubr roking. tehn one uf his guyz in chrge will be all like," ai takin ova dis joint."6 Tehnn way later teh north and south wil be all lyke lez be cool, an teh king of da souths gurl-kitten will marry da king of teh north and lyk tehn dey all beecome lame-sauce. an ten7 One of her frnds will rool of the southern kingdom nd tak the north place.8 And lyk carry all their idols and gold and stuff to egypt and wait a long time and attack agin.

9 But teh king of the north will try to tak the south but lose. lolz.10 Den his babi kittehz will maik fightz, and get lotz of kittehz to fyt, n dey wil winz so dey keep fytin no matta wat.

11 But iss no good, cos da king kitteh from da souf will be unhappi lyk wen u ated his cookie, so he go and fyt da norf king nd his armiez.12 Teh king from da souf wil fyt rly hrd and kill lts n lots ov cat, but he wnt win coz he int strng coz he did nt drink his milkz,13 Norf king wil cum bak wiv more rok, nd more peepulz, nd in a few yeeurz, e av moar muneezz, so he can win da battulz

14 Lots ov kittehs wil fyt da king. also, crazy d00dz, but dey wil loze.15 Da norf king will hav big hill of fitez, nd build big tuff city; and the souf kittez will b pwned, even de leet kittehs. Srsly.16 Teh invaedr wil doo teh fun cat stufs, nd oh noes! Teh kittehs wil not stand up (maebee kittehs needz 4 legz). He livz in da B00teeful Urfs nd haz powrz to pwn dem.17 Him wil cum wiv all da kingdum nd alaiz wiv souf king. And he giv grl kitteh az prezent to souf king. Norf king hoaps dis wil ovafrow souf king but hiz skeem fayl. Epic fayl.18 Den norf king finks 'i can haz coestlandz?' nd steelz meny. But 1337 kitteh cum nd pwn norf king, pwnz him gud. Lolz.19 After dat, he goes back to hiz own plaice, but he's gonna tripfall and POOF GONE forevah. Nobody noes wut happnd ta him...

20 His heir will send outz a IRS gai to maek sure he is still teh awesum. But laterz, dis guy's gonna b kill'd, not cuz of ANGORY or cuz of battul.

21 After him gonna come a nasty, gross d00d who isn't rly a king. He gonna b stealin' all ur base czu he'z sneeky like dat.22 He'z gonna pwn lotsa gaiz. srsly.23 He will even stabz u in da back aftr prommisin not to. (OMG WTF d-bag) Him an his friendz r gonna rawk.24 When all da cites feeling all nice and safe, he's gonna UBERPWN dem and do wut his dad and gramppy and great-gramps couln'dt do. He sharez only wif his friends and make ebil plans to taek over da worldz. But only for a little bit.

25 His BEEG army gonna attk da Souf king. Da Souf king gonna get RAWK'D by all da secret ninja plans.26 Alla da Souf king's friendz r gonna be kill'd ded. srsly.27 Bof da kings gonna eat dinner toogedder, but they gonna lie to each udder.28 Da Norf king will go back to his own couch, but he still dun liek da Souf king.

29 He gonna attk agin, but dis tiem he l00ze. lol30 Da sailors from da west r gonna come and maek him all scaredy-cat, and he gonna go back and take da traitors from da Souf kingdom.

31 Him and his army gonna brake da templez.32 He's gonna be all tricksy, but ppl who noe Ceiling Cat r gonna be too SMRT for him.

33 Da smrt kittehs gotta give smrts to da udder kittehs, eben dough dey gonna get killd.34 Ppl will halp dem, but only cuz dey scared.35 Sum of dese wise gaiz gonna tripfall, but only to maek dem better and clener.

Da Big-Heded KingCat

36 Da big kingcat gonna do wut he is wanting and say he's da bestest of evvrybody. He gonna say bad stuffz about Ceiling Cat. He's gonna be topcat 'til his time is up, cuz all dis stuff gotta cum troo.37 He's gonna say he's better dan Ceiling Cat.38 He's gonna prr to sum Cat nobody noes and gifs him shinies and munnies. (ooh, shinies...)39 He's gonna attk sum castles and gifs landz to rich ppl.

40 Finally, da Souf kingkitty gonna haf a battul wif da Norf kingcat and pwn lotz.41 Lots of countriez gonna get RAWK'd.42 EBEN EGYPT! (OMG pwn'd)43 Alla dere base and shinies r gonna blong to him.44 Den ppl gonna tell him dere's trubbl in da east and norf, and he's gonna be ANGORY n attk.45 He's gonna put his couch tween da waturz and da big hill. But he's a JERK BAD KITTEH so he haz no friendz n no one wil halp him.

Daniel 11
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