Daniel 10

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Old Testament
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Daniel Haz Vizun ov Hooman

1 Liek, n teh thurd yeer ov teh knig ov Persian Kittehs, Cyrus, Ai haz revulashun! Ya rly! O an yu shud no mai naem iz Daniel, an liek, sum pplz cawl mi Belteshazzar (ai dun no wai, lol). Srsly, teh vizun iz truu! It haz tawlk ov teh rilly big war! An ai haz undurstndin in vizun, too - lol.

2 An for tree weekz ai haz lotz ov sad tiemz, liek lolrus missingz him bukkit (lf yu no teh storee).3 Ai eetz no tastee foodz - no gushii fudz or milk ah lickded up - an ai dun naot likkded maislf lotz till tree weekz wuz end.

4 So on teh twenti-foor dai ov furst munth, mai associatez an ai wuz has piknik bi teh big waturz, teh Tigris.5 An ai lokked an OMG WTF dere wus dood! An him haz rilly nice clothz (iz jeluz, lol) an haz teh shiny belt.6 Him haz gren glowi skinz! Srsly! An him fayce haz liek teh zap boltz from teh ceilingz, an hiz aiz haz fier! WOAH! WTF! An hiz armz an legz wuz rilly shiny liek metulz (no rilly!) an him haz voiz liek audiuns on teh telivizunz! OMG!

7 OMG ai (mebbe becuz ai ar Daniel, lol) teh olny gui hoo seez teh vizunz! Mai associutz dun see, butt dey rilly skered dat dey all runz awai (liek, ai du no wai, mebbe becuz dei wet pantz, lol)!8 An ai haz no un wit mi, an cuz lonlii ai haz no halp.9 Den ai got teh narkolepzy cuz ai hurd teh dood tlaking an mai fayce got awl durtii cuz it on durt, lol.

10 An teh dood tuched mi an sed, "lol get up," so ai did.11 Him haz moar wurdz, "Hai Daniel! Yur rilly speshul, so listun, k? No moar narkolepzy cuz yu haz mi to talkz to yu, k?" Den ah stuud up an ah wuz shekkingz!

12 Teh dood wuz liek, "Wai yu skerred, Daniel? Lol! Frum teh furst dai yu wuz trieng to undrestandz an to prayingz to teh Ceiling Cat, yu wuz hurd! An ai wuz liek, 'lol ai shud ansur!'13 Butt den dere wuz a dood from teh fluffeh Persian cookie jarz dat wuz liek, "Yu no pazz heer!" Den Michael wuz liek, "STFU, plz," an sez ai go to yu, k? Liek, ah wuz loxded up in teh kign's poochihawz in teh fluffeh landz!14 Sorri ai no caom urly, k? Ai tellz yu wut happn to yur pplz layturz, k? Yur vizun happen laytur."

15 But ai no helpz teh narkolepzy an ah fallz agian, lol.16 Den teh dood wuz liek, "Daniel, yu shud talk, mebbe yu waik up, lol." An dat halpz, ai tinkz! Ai sez, "Dood, ai haz no halpz cuz teh vizun iz rilly liek woah!17 Haow ai speekz to yu? Ai haz teh azmah an mai hed asplode!"

18 Teh dood tuched mi an gaev mi strngth.19 "Lol, dun be fraid! Yur srsly speshul," teh dood sed. "Peas! Yu bee strng an yu can eats it."

 An liek, ai cud eetz it! (om nom nom) Ah sez, "Yu shud talkz, ai eetz naow, lol."

20 Teh dood sed, "Yu no wai I coem heer? Liek, ai go fite teh fluffeh kittehz agian, an den teh prinz form Greece will coem -21 but furst ah tellz yu wat in teh Book ov teh Troothz, k? (iz sad, ai haz no allyz xcptz dat gui Michael, hoo iz ur prinze!)

Daniel 10
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