Daniel 1

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Old Testament
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1. In teh third yeer wen Jehoiakim rulez in Joodah, Nebuchadnezzar, teh kink ov Babylon camez undo Yeahroosalem n wantz cookiez.

2. Nebuchadnezzar sed: "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US", and catchz Jehoiakim, and takez lots ov cookiez from Ceiling Catz pad n stuff. Tehn he takez teh cookiez in teh pad of hiz ovn Ceiling Cat, witch wuz in teh land ov Shinar (n0t China u n00b).

3. N teh kink spokez undo Ashpenaz, witch wuz teh massa ov teh nutlezz, taht he shoold bring soam kidz from Izraelz ppl n prinzes n stuffz.

4. Teh kidz shood be kleen n cool n swotz, 2 b cleva enuff 2 giwe teh kink cheezburgr n cood get 13375p3ak, 2.

5. N teh kidz gotz from teh kink cheezburgr n coke n stuff 4 3 yeers, n tehn zey cood meat teh kink.

6. N unda teh kidz from Joodah waz teh gang ov Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael n Azariah.

7. Teh massa of teh nutlezz sed, yr in ma land, n gawe them 1337 namez: Daniel gotz Belteshazzar n Hananiah gotz Shadrach n Mishael gotz Meshach n Azariah gotz Abednego, butt zey coodnt spell it.

8. N Daniel zaid im in yr land butt yr cheezburgr n coke r crap, srsly, n i getz teh runz.

9. Nou teh Ceiling Cat maed taht teh massa of teh nutlezz, hoo waz gay n stuff, lieked Daniel mutch.

10. N teh massa zaid, OMFG i feer teh kink n he haz gawe yoo cheezburgr n coke, n wen yoo look laik scelletnz n oll assa kidz haz fad assez tehn it getz awnkool.

11. N Daniel chattet wiz Melzar, hoo waz maid the nannie ov teh kidz bai teh massa:

12. "Can we haz wead n water 4 teh nxt tenn dayez plz? kthx."

13. N afta taht wee'll shou up n u can zee hoo lookz betta, wee or teh assa kidz hoo getz teh runz from yr cheezburgr.

14. Butt Melzar waz kool and sed: "O RLY?" And he sed: "Deel!"

15. N afta tenn dayez teh pot headz lookt kool cuz teh kink haz goode wead n teh assa kidz lookt laik n00bz.

16. So Melzar sed "LOL" n gawe tehm nou moure cheezburgr n coke butt wead n stuff.

17. N teh Ceiling Cat gawe theeze 4 kidz the r00t pwd, n Daniel gotz kool in debuggin n stuff.

18. Az teh 3 yeerz wer ova, teh kink wantz to sea oll teh kidz, and teh massa browd tehm 2 teh kink.

19. N teh kink speekz wiz teh kidz, butt teh gang wuz mutch kooler tehn teh assa kidz, n so zey wer alloud 2 gawe teh kink cheezburgr n stuff.

20. N Daniel newz teh pwds n cheetz n stuff n pwned teh adminz n conzultanz ov teh kink, witch wer oll trollz.

21: So Daniel steiz bai teh kink n eewen till teh first yeer unda Cyrus.

Daniel 1
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