Colossians 1

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New Testament
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1 'k Paul, a loongcatz ov Jebus by hopez ov teh Ceiling Cat, 'n Timothy, ovrz bro,

2 To teh howly 'n faizfull broz in Jebus at Colosse:
 Gracez 'n Piece (no cheezbrgr?!) fron da Ceiling Cat, ovrz dadz!

Thanksgiving and Prayer

3 We r alwaiz thankingin teh Ceiling Cat, da dadz ov ourz Bossman Jebus, when weez sayz dis wurds ov prayr 4 ya,4 cos we've ben 'earing ov ur belieff in Jebus 'n 4 thee <3 luv <3 u haz 4 All Saints -5 de fayth and <3 luvz <3 dat b coming fron ur depot ov hope up in da hoodz ov da Ceiling Cat 'n dat wich u haz allredy herd 'bout in da wordz ov thrught, dem gospilz6 dat alrady cum 4 u. (no srsly, wan sentincz!) Evry place herez on diz planit dat gospil iz havin' fruitz and eez growin', jus' like 't haz bin growin' in youz when u heards it and de holy stufz ov teh Ceiling Cat waz in al ov 'tz throuth wit ya.7 Ourzs <3 luvd <3 Epaphras, uas teeching ya ov it, he b faizfull 4 Christ 4 uz,8 he also toldz uz of urz <3 luv <3 in da Spirit.

9 So diz b whai, sincz we's heering ov youze, we alwaiz prayz 4 youze 'n askining da Ceiling Cat to givez u skillz ta undehrsthand hiz thingink 'n stufz.10 W iz praing laik diz, so thee live ur laif worthee ov da Bossman 'n maik 'im a happycat in allwaiz: makining edible stufs in evri gud nap, getin' bigr in da thingink and stufz ov teh Ceiling Cat,11 b'ing stronged wif all da base laik he wanz so'z u may haz loong napz 'n pacient wait 4 cheezbrgr, 'n hapi12 givin' thanx to da Dadz whu maik u valid 4 inheritunz ov All Saints 'n deir tunez. (r'ly! wan sentincz!)13 4 He iz da wan who savez uz fron lotz ov darkniss (4 He is Cat and seez) 'n gived us dem ginkdom ov theez Son he <3 luvz <3,14 whom wif we haz redempschun, da forgez ov sinz.

The Supremacy of Christ

15 'e is de imigz ov da invisibl Ceiling Cat, da furst cat ovr dem rest.16 4 he maded all stufz: stufz in da hoodz ov da Ceiling Cat 'n stufz on dis planit, visibl an' invisibl, if they iz seatz ov base or bossmen or bossmen ov bossmen, he maded dem 4 himselfz!17 He iz wat iz befor all stufz, and he maik all stufz b.18 He iz da 'ead ov da body, da churchz!: he is da begining and teh furst cat from da zombicatz, so whatevir iz he iz bossman!19 4 de Ceiling Cat was hapi to haf everithin in 'im,20 'n be also da settlimnt-maker ov all playces, even if iz in da hoodz ov da Ceiling Cat or on dis planit, so he go to da X and bleedz.

21 So, sumtimez befor knauw, u was aliented fron da Ceiling Cat, 'n was enemiez in ur mindz 'cos u waz evyl!22 Buh knauw, he meik settlimnt wif u by Christz bodi dieing to givez u howly in hez sight, no dirtz and bad wurdz -23 if u continus in ur belieffs, rly 'n rly, no thoughz awai fron da hopez in da gospil. Dis is da gospil u haz heardid 'bout 'n iz toldz ta all catz undir da hoodz ov da Ceiling Cat, and ov whicz I'z, Paul, me iz a servants ov.

Paul's Labor for the Church

24 So, maik funney (mabbe cheezburgr 2?) 4 wat iz suffrd 4 youze, 'n I'z filling me up wif wat mising wif Christz painz and sufferingz, 4 hiz bodi which b da churzch!25 I'z am servants 'cos teh Ceiling Cat azk mi, so I givez u da wurdz ov teh Ceiling Cat, srsly! -26 da hidn sicrits ov loong timez, knaw givin ta All Saints.27 Ta dem teh Ceiling Cat has pick'd to givez amongk dem non-Jebz dem glawriaws ritches ov dis misteree, and dat is da Christ in you'ze, da hawp ov glawry!

28 W sez abaot 'im veri importanz, teling allz, all ov all ov thingink, 'n stufz, so w b purrfec in Christ.29 So diz iz wai I'z works, wif allz ov his stufz, 'n all his base is with mee.

Colossians 1
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