Amos 7

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Old Testament


teh bugz

1 Ceiling Cat showded me dat he wuz makin lotz an lotz of bugz to eat all teh wheetz.2 Dey eated evrithin an I wuz all "Ceiling Cat, no!!!!! Jacob wil die! He iz tini!"

3 So Ceiling Cat chanjded hiz mind.
 "Just kiddin," he sed.

teh fier

4 Den he showded me dat he wuz goin to set teh whoal countri on fier.5 An I wuz all "Ceiling Cat, no!!!! Jacob wil die! He iz tini!"6 So Ceiling Cat chanjded hiz mind.
 "Just kiddin, I wil not do dat eithr," he sed.

teh levl

7 Den he showded me a wall an he wuz uzin a levl to maek shure it wuz strait.8 An Ceiling Cat askted, "What duz u see, Amos?"
 I sed "A levl."
 Den Ceiling Cat sed, "I iz settin up a levl to chek teh peeplz of Israel. I cant put up wif dere nonsens no moar.

9 "I will destroi Isaac's high plaeciz
 n trash hiz saef plaisiz
 n attak Jeroboams famili wif mai sword."

Amos n Amaziah

10 Amaziah wuz a priest in Bethel. He tolded King Jeroboam, "Amos is causin a ruckus an makin trubl for u here in Israel.11 He iz all
 " 'Jeroboam wil get killded wif a sword,
 an teh peepl of Israel wil be drivn awai,
 far awai from hoam.' "

12 Amaziah tolded Amos, "STFU an go bak to Judah.13 Stai out of Bethel kthnxbai."

14 Amos tolded Amaziah, "I wuzint a proffet befor an neithr wuz mai daddi. I takeded caer of sheepz an treez.15 But Ceiling Cat tolded me to cut dat out and go tell teh fyoochr to teh peepl of Israel.
16 Now u lissnz to what Ceiling Cat sez. U sez,
 " 'Doan predikt bad thingz for Israel,
  or for Isaacs famili eithr.'

17 "So Ceiling Cat sez:
 " 'Ur wief will becom a hookr,
 n ur kittnz will all get killded wif a sword LOL.
 Ur properti wil be taekn by othr peeplz
 an u wil die far awai.
 Teh peepl of Israel wil be drivn out of Israel,
 awai from hoem.' "

Amos 7
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