Amos 5

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Old Testament
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1 Izrale, i has crying.

2 Teh verjin has lost her harbls.

3 Ceiling Cat sed: Tehre has onle roomz for my frends now.

4 But Ceiling Cat sed: you can still has be my frend if you want:

5 If you do though, you DO NOT WANT Bethle or Giggle.

6 Be Ceiling Cat's frend, or else he's berns moar.

7 Anywon who has a flavor of wurmwud or is a jerk,

8 Better be Ceiling Cat's frend now:

9 Ceiling Cat has strong for you.

10 Good Ceiling Cat is good.

11 If Ceiling Cat is mad, dough, you will has nothings.

12 Ceiling Cat has always watched you masturbate.

13 Prudent cats are prudent, while Sinful cats are sinful.

14 Ceiling Cat has frends with Prudent Cat.

15 Ceiling Cat has frends with Good Cat.

16 Ceiling Cat sed: evrywon has crying soon.

17 Crying also for drunkz, sed Ceiling Cat.

18 Ceiling Cat watchez in dark moar than lite.

19 But i's alwayz see yous when you does it.

20 Ceiling Cat mite watch in dark if he has no frends.

21 You all has a flavor. Ceiling Cat does not want.

22 I kno you want me to has some of your prezints. Are not so gret, aktualy. Your nummy treatz, Ceiling Cat iz NOT watching dese.

23 DO NOT WANT yure muszics either.

24 But Ceiling Cat DO WANT justice and fur youz all be gud kittehs to each ubber.

25 Have you know what I means, Izrale?

26 I thinks you do not has, becuz you has many masturbashuns.

27 So you is on punishment, sed Ceiling Cat, whose name iz Ceiling Cat.

Amos 5
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