Acts 5

From LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Jump to: navigation, search
New Testament
Bible5.gif


Teh Kitteh Ananias an Teh Kitteh Sapphira

 1 Okai, lissen up. Der wuz dis kitteh naimd Ananias an him has a wif naim Sapphira. An dey also sowd sum land, rly.2 OMG! Sapphira nu dis, an Ananias kep sum monee frum teh chawch. Him can has profitz. Him tak teh res ov teh monee an put it at teh paws of teh apawsals. lol.

 3 An Peter wuz so smrt, him sed, "Yo Ananias, dood, Basement Cat so has yu. Basement Cat is in ur hart, makin yu keep teh profits.4 Wai yu do dis. Yu ownd teh land befor an yu stil do dis? Wow, j00 stoopid. Cuz yu lie to not onlee kittehs, but to Ceiling Cat. Do not want!

 5 Den Ananias mak ded. lol.6 An oder kittehs com an put him in shoobocks an buree him.

 7 An tree howahs latr Sapphias com in.8 An Peter sezm "Oh hai! Teh monee yu giv, is dat wut yu can has frum teh land sowd?" An Sapphira sez bak, "Yep!"

 9 An Peter sed bak, "LOL, dum! Yu lie to Ceiling Cat! Yu see teh pawpwints. Dey buree ur husban, an gess wha? Yu nex, lol. kthnxbai!

 10 Den Sapphira mak ded. lol. An oder kittehs com an put her in shoobocks an buree her.11 An teh chawch wuz scairdy kittehs nao!

Teh Apawsals Can Has Heelin, lol

 12 Teh apawsals do lotz of twickz an dey heel kittehs, lol. An dey met in Solomon's Colonnade.13 An dey wer veree pawpoolar, but dey had INVISIBLE FRENS cuz dey wer scairdy kittehs.14 But stil kittehs beleev an dey can has faif an dey addeded to teh chawch. Srsly!15 An teh sick kittehs, dey wer put in teh streetz on kitteh beds cuz dey wan shadow ov Peter to go on dem.16 Der wer lotz of kittehs der, all teh way frum not Joorusalem. Dey even browt kittehs wif DarkKittehs in dem. Eep!

Teh Apawsals Git Hawd Tiem

 17 Teh Sadooshies git mad an dey git jelus. lol, stoopid.18 Oh noes! Dey put teh apawsals in jale.19 An yay, AngelKitteh com an let dem escaip frum jale. LOL, dat showd dem!20 "Yu can has freedum, tel deh oder kittehs bout teh knu lief."

 21 Dey lissen to teh AngelKitteh teh nex day an preech an teh Hai Preest luk in teh jale.

 22 INVISIBLE APAWSALS! LOL!23 Dey go bak an sed, "We can has empty jale, sry, lol. We open teh jale an everythin, not der!"24 An teh capn go "Nuuuuuuuuuu!" An everywun wundah wat com nex. INVISIBLE FUTURE, lol

 25 Den sumwun cam an sed, "Oh hai. Dood, dey in teh tempel cowts preechin. Luk!"26 Dey bring teh apawsals but dey dint hurt em cuz dey dint want teh oder kittehs to throw teh kitteh littr at dem.

 27 Qwestun tiem for teh apawsals!28 "Doods, we sed dun preech. But yu go an do it anyway, stoopid!"

 29 Peter an teh oder apawsals sey bak, "No. Yu stoopid30 Ceiling Cat mad Jebus not ded, k?31 An Ceiling Cat put Jebus nex to his kitteh bed an mak it so him can tak awai INVISIBLE ERROR an mak it al okai, k?32 An luk, we can has HoverCat, an we see dis stuff. Srsly."

 33 An teh impowtan kittehs hiss an spit. Dey wan to claw teh apawsals ded.34 But a Phairysee naim Gamaliel, wuz a teecha, an sed "No. Wait. Put dem owtsied."35 Den him tawk, "Dood, be carful, rly.36 Membah dat kitteh naim Theudas who had forhundred kittehs? Dood, him wuz mad ded, an him kittehs jus go awai.37 An yu membah Judas an Galilean. Dey be goin to teh sensus, makin a reevowt. But him wuz mad ded an his kittehs jus go awai.38 Jus let deez kittehs go. If dey jus doin dis for demselfs dey gunna jus go awai.39 Dey may be wif Ceiling Cat, rly! An den yu be makin fite wif teh big wun an yu jus gunna los. Rly."

 40 An his speech mak dem agwee, an den dey cawl teh apawsals in an dey scrach em bad! Den dey sed, "Dun tawk bowt Jebus."

 41 An teh apawsals lef an dey danse! Dey danse to teh lef an to teh rite. Dey wer happeh cuz dey got hurteded for Baby Jesus.42 Dey stil dint stop preechin, lol. Dey wer brav kittehs.

Acts 5
Books Chapters
← Previous Next → ← Previous Next →
John Romans Acts 4 Acts 6
Personal tools