From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Teh Kitteh Ananias an Teh Kitteh Sapphira
1 Okai, lissen up. Der wuz dis kitteh naimd Ananias an him has a wif naim Sapphira. An dey also sowd sum land, rly.2 OMG! Sapphira nu dis, an Ananias kep sum monee frum teh chawch. Him can has profitz. Him tak teh res ov teh monee an put it at teh paws of teh apawsals. lol.
3 An Peter wuz so smrt, him sed, "Yo Ananias, dood, Satain so has yu. Basement Cat is in ur hart, makin yu keep teh profits.4 Wai yu do dis. Yu ownd teh land befor an yu stil do dis? Wow, j00 stoopid. Cuz yu lie to not onlee kittehs, but to Ceiling Cat. Do not want!
9 An Peter sed bak, "LOL, dum! Yu lie to Ceiling Cat! Yu see teh pawpwints. Dey buree ur husban, an gess wha? Yu nex, lol. kthnxbai!
Teh Apawsals Can Has Heelin, lol
12 Teh apawsals do lotz of twickz an dey heel kittehs, lol. An dey met in Solomon's Colonnade.13 An dey wer veree pawpoolar, but dey had INVISIBLE FRENS cuz dey wer scairdy kittehs.14 But stil kittehs beleev an dey can has faif an dey addeded to teh chawch. Srsly!15 An teh sick kittehs, dey wer put in teh streetz on kitteh beds cuz dey wan shadow ov Peter to go on dem.16 Der wer lotz of kittehs der, all teh way frum not Joorusalem. Dey even browt kittehs wif DarkKittehs in dem. Eep!
Teh Apawsals Git Hawd Tiem
17 Teh Sadooshies git mad an dey git jelus. lol, stoopid.18 Oh noes! Dey put teh apawsals in jale.19 An yay, AngelKitteh com an let dem escaip frum jale. LOL, dat showd dem!20 "Yu can has freedum, tel deh oder kittehs bout teh knu lief."
21 Dey lissen to teh AngelKitteh teh nex day an preech an teh Hai Preest luk in teh jale.
22 INVISIBLE APAWSALS! LOL!23 Dey go bak an sed, "We can has empty jale, sry, lol. We open teh jale an everythin, not der!"24 An teh capn go "Nuuuuuuuuuu!" An everywun wundah wat com nex. INVISIBLE FUTURE, lol
29 Peter an teh oder apawsals sey bak, "No. Yu stoopid30 Ceiling Cat mad Baby Jesus not ded, k?31 An Ceiling Cat put Baby Jesus nex to his kitteh bed an mak it so him can tak awai INVISIBLE ERROR an mak it al okai, k?32 An luk, we can has HoverCat, an we see dis stuff. Srsly."
33 An teh impowtan kittehs hiss an spit. Dey wan to claw teh apawsals ded.34 But a Phairysee naim Gamaliel, wuz a teecha, an sed "No. Wait. Put dem owtsied."35 Den him tawk, "Dood, be carful, rly.36 Membah dat kitteh naim Theudas who had forhundred kittehs? Dood, him wuz mad ded, an him kittehs jus go awai.37 An yu membah Judas an Galilean. Dey be goin to teh sensus, makin a reevowt. But him wuz mad ded an his kittehs jus go awai.38 Jus let deez kittehs go. If dey jus doin dis for demselfs dey gunna jus go awai.39 Dey may be wif Ceiling Cat, rly! An den yu be makin fite wif teh big wun an yu jus gunna los. Rly."
40 An his speech mak dem agwee, an den dey cawl teh apawsals in an dey scrach em bad! Den dey sed, "Dun tawk bowt Baby Jesus."
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