Acts 2

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New Testament

Teh HovrCat Has Got To Teh Pentecost

 1 Wen teh day of teh Pentecost came, tey wer all tewgedder in wun plase.2 OMG! Lowd noysez frum abuv! Teh noyse sounded like teh big windz frum teh ceilin, lol.3 Den litle fire thing com frum teh air and omg it burnz! it burnz! Oh wait, no it dont!4 An HovrCat filded dem all an dey all speek funny, lik "I do say sir, what have we got here? I do believe there are tongues of fire-like substance coming upon our heads and making us speak in quite the funniest way." wtf iz wit dat?


 5 Dey were stayin in teh city of Jerusalem wher many kittehs frum all ovah cam to be fraid of teh Ceiling Cat.6 Wen tey hurd dis sownd a crowd com and was all "wtf" cuz teh oder kittehs were all speakin' funnie.7 Dey wer amezed and they were lik, "Deez men are frum Gallilee, no?8 Why do dey speek so funnie? Lik, in our langwishes and stufs! Srsly!9 Parthians, an Medes an Elamites; an kittehs frum Mesopotamia, Judea an cappadocia, an Pontus an Asia,10 an Phrygia an Pamphylia, an Egypt an teh partz of teh Libya neer Cyrene. Der were also kittehs frum Rome!11 both teh Jews and teh kittehs who now follow teh Ceiling Cat frum Cretans and Arabic cowntries, hear teh kittehs speakin in der own langishes! Wtf?12 WAI DO THEY SPEEK DIS WAY?!?! WAI?"

 13 And sum kittehs say "lolz, tey had toooo much catnipz!"

 14 Den Peter stowd up wit teh eleven an sed to teh cwowd: "Oh hai!15 Weez not drunk sillee! It be nine, DO NOT WANT!16 U know wut Joel teh pwofit sez? Wel I tell yu:

  17 'In teh last daiz, Ceiling Cat sez,

   Im in ur urthz, puurin teh spiritz on all kittehs,

   Ur suns and doters can has profisies,

   Ur yung kittehs can has fun time in teh eyez!

   Ur old kittehs can has fun time in teh branez!

  18 Yo!

   I can has be puttin my spiritz on even teh servents! RLY!

   And dey can has profisies.

  19 Iz gunna show u all ov teh fun stuffs up in teh Ceilin, srsly.

   Oh! Yeh! Iz almos can has no memowies. Iz awso gunna show fun stuffz on teh urthz.

   Oh wate, dos not fun! Urthz can has firez an smoke. Kawf! Kawf! DO NOT WANT!

  20 Teh big day staw, no moar!

   An teh moon can has be all blud and stuffz. Yuk!

   but den Jesus can has be back! Yayz!

  21 An evewywun who be like "Jesus!" can has cheezburger! Rly!'

 22 Hey kittehs of teh Israel, lissen to dis: Jesus wuz of Ceiling Cat, srsly. He dids ALL teh cool stuffz an stuff.23 An den yu kill him, rly.24 But den Ceiling Cat browt him bac! He can has teh powah! Deths... wuz dat? lol.25 Dis iz wut David sed:

  'Ceiling Cat alwayz be wit me, kinda creepy

  26 but oober asum!

  27 Cuz u no leev me 4 woomun,

   Ceiling Cat, even if her chesticlz be hyoooooj!!

  28 You teechz me 2 not suck'

 29 Bruddas,I can has wordz that teh David... he is ded.30 But he wuz a profet, srsly. Ceiling Cat sed dat his kittehs one day be on teh thronez.31 Den Ceiling Cat wuz all sayin about Baby Jesus raisen frum teh ded!32 Baby Jesus wuz all bac from the ded, yu kno dis. Yu saweded!33 Now Baby Jesus is in teh Ceiling, sittin wif Ceiling Cat.34 Nao David, he can has no asenswion to teh Ceiling, but he sed,

  Teh Lord sed to mai Lord:

   Sit wit me.

  35 I pwnzor ur enimes! Srsly.'

 36 "Yo! Lissen! Ceiling Cat madeded Baby Jesus, whom yu makez ded (lols), like teh Ceiling Cat."

 37 Den teh oddah kittehs mewed and beez lik, "omfg! Wut can has we be doin?"

 38 Peter sed, "Go get teh baptizeded in teh name of Baby Jesus, lol, an yu can has no mor Invisible Errorz! Den yu can has HovrCat in yu!39 Even ur kittenz can has dis. Even dos dat ar all far awai and stufz."

 40 Den Peter beez all mean and scoldeded dem for awhilz; den he wuz all, "Sav urself! You can no has corupts generyashun! DO NO WANT!"41 Ovah tree tousund kittehs can has baptizm!

Teh Fewoship of teh Beweevaws

 42 Den dey gotz cookiez an dey praid and lissen to teh oder kittehs43 Everywun wuz all happeh and teh apawsles didz a majic sho, srsly.44 An dey wer all frenz, lol.45 Dey sell stuffz like blanketz and oder stuffz, an dey giv stufz to poor kittehz.46 Evewy day dey met an went an had sleep ovahs and slumbah partayz an dey eated cookiez!47 Dey worshipz Ceiling Cat an den he wuz all happeh an teh apawsles can has moar saveded kittehs!

Acts 2
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