Acts 19

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Paul ins teh Ephesus

1 So Leik wen teh Apolloz wuz in teh Corinth preechin to ur doodz, Paul wuz wahlkin roun teh insaidz ov teh holay landz till he sedz "I hazent hads a cheezburger in liek fvtein menuts. Oh wait Iz in teh Ephesus! Kewl." Den Paul wuz tawlkin to teh desypuls he founded.2 Paul wuz leik "Oh hai, yu guyz." an dey waz leik "Sup." Paul wuz liek "Srsly, yu guyz. Did yu feyl teh HovrCat wenz yu is bileev? Srsly." An teh desypulz sedz "No wai!!! Yu iz teh liyin!!! HovrCat no is!!!!"

3 Paul wuz liek "Who baptizm yu has?" an teh desypulz sedz "Him naym be John. Hez kewl."

4 An Paul sedz "Him wuz jsut siayin srry wen him dones dat. Den him wuz sedz teh Jebus wuz cummin an dat yu shuld litsen to teh Jebus.5 Cuz Jebus be teh awsomez son ov teh Ceiling Cat!!" an teh desypulz wuz liek "Can yu learn us teh Jebus!!?" an Paul wuz liek "ya ai cans learn yu teh Jebus!"6 Den Paul tuched teh desypulz an teh HovrCat gots insaids dem. Den teh desypulz startid shaykings an baykings an dey tawlked reel funni, liek they bited teh toastr cords.7 An der wuz liek twelvs ov dem so wuz noizy buht wuz stil funni.

8 Paul wentz insto teh senagawg an tawlkd reel lowdz for leik tree munthz. Paul wuz al liek "Oh hai peeps!! Yu needz bileev ins teh Jebus an teh Ceiling Cat!!! Ifs we al bileevs in teh Ceiling Cat an teh Jebus we can has a cheezburger!! Dats cuz teh Jebus an teh Ceiling Cat iz maykd us dem!!!!!" an Paul wuz doin reelz gud too.9 Buts sum ov teh peepz wuz gettin leik "Do not want!!!" an dey wentz outs in teh puhblicks an wuz liek "Paul iz teh stoopid!!! Him keepz tawlkins bout teh Jebus n stufs buts teh Jebus no is!!!!!! We can no has a cheezburger frum Jebus!!" an Paul wuz liek "WTF!? kthnxbai. yu no needz eny way!!" Paul tookz teh desypulz wif him an den dey tawlkd eech dai in teh hal ov Tyrannus.10 dey ketp doinz its for leik a yeer so al teh joos an teh greeks in Asia herd ov teh Ceiling Cat.

11 Ceiling Cat hlpd Paul wif teh heelng.12 leik peepz tuk hankiz an aiprnz he tutjd to sik, dai getz betteh an looz teh deeminz.

13 Leik dese jooz sez Jebus to teh peepz wif deeminz. Leik al: "Cawlng Jebuz dood, leik Paul sez, do not want u!"14 Boz joosh preist Sceva had sevn sunz do dis.15 But den demin ansir! Sez: "Saw Jebus, saw Paul, u, WTF?"16 Dood wif demin jumpd an beet tem gud. Dem doodz beet so bad dey nekkid an bludy.

17 So teh jooz an grikz in Ephesus ar al WTF! Jebus iz awsum!18 Doze peepz say dey no gud.19 Teh majk peepz leik bernd teh paipurz, wirf leik fifteh fowsind drakmaz!20 Dat showd teh word uv Ceiling Cat an more beleevd!

21 Den Paul wuz al leik I am in Jerusalem den Macedonia den Achaia an den I vizet Roem.22 He senz hiz doodz Timothy an Erastus to Macedonia an he staiz in Asia wile dey goze.

Ephesehs No Want!!!!

23 So leik wuz trubbl.24 Demetrius maikz shynie stufz, kool statchooz uv Diana. Him reel gud getz moer wrk.25 Him wantz meetng uv leik al statchooz pipplz, an doodz in saim bizniz. Sez: "Doodz we gotz grait deel. Dis dood Paul iz teh suck, iz al leik taikz ar custmrz to him, in Ephesus an in hole Asia to, do not want!26 He telz dem no cheezburgerz if u maik ur own Ceiling Kitteh!27 We looz ar stuf! An ar kewl tempel to our awsum Ceiling Kitteh Diana will be teh epik fale!"

28 Teh doodz wer al leik "No Wei. Diana roolz, Paul droolz! Rlly."29 Soon hole siti chantz teh saim, srsly. Peepz taik Gaius an Aristarchus, Paulz doodz frm Macedonia, maik dem go teh feeteh.30 Paul wantz teh preetj but doodz say stfu, do not want!31 Also mane doodz an Paulz frenz sed No Wai.

32 Peepz in teh feeteh al noizy, sum ar al wtf?33 Teh jooz tel Alexander speek, dood, but him sez to mch noiz, stfu alrdy.34 Den teh oteh doodz say, him joosh, no wai! Woa! Awsum Ceiling Kitteh Diana!

35 Den teh ofishul dood sez: "Leik stfu alredy. Doodz, Ephesus haz teh xcelnt tempel to Ceiling Kitteh Diana. Pls kewl statchooz, frm ceiling!36 Evrion noze dis, so stfu an stai cawm.37 Dem doodz dint steel frm u or diss teh Ceiling Kitteh.38 U silveh doodz leik Demetrius cn taik it to judj joodi. An u cans pres charjiz.39 If u gotz complianz, tel judgiz.40 Leik we get roitng charjiz fer wat u doodz duz. An it wuz teh stupid.41 Den him al dun an sez Scat!


Acts 19
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