Acts 15

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New Testament
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Cownsil at teh Jerooselm

1 Sum peepelz camed down frum Judea to Antioch an wer teachin teh brudahz "Unlez teh skinz ons teh vry tip of yur penes iz cutted, accordin to teh custum tot by Moses, Ceiling Cat wont waach u and U cant be savd."

2 Dis brot Paul and Barnabas, in to argament an dispoot an' dabate wif dem. So Paul an Barnabaz wer maded, along wif sum othr guyz to go up to Jerusalem to see the apossalz and elderz bout dis kweztshun and fo sum aice kreme.

3 Teh cherch sentz dem on deir waie, an az dey maded waie thru Foneeshia an' Samarea, dey tuld how teh Jentailes had been maded into not-Jentailes. Dis nooz maded all teh brudahz vry Happiez!

4 Wen dey camed to Jerusalem, dey wer welcumed bai teh cherch an teh apossalz and elderz cuz dey brot bak cheezeburgerz, and dey tulded whol storie and everythin Cieling Cat had dun thru dem.

5 But den sum ov teh new Christianz hoo wuz liek sort of liek teh Fariseez stood up an sayed, "Teh Jentilz needz hav there penes tips skinz cut an dat they need to foloa teh law ov Mosez." srsly!

6 So teh apawssles an elders liek met togethr to tlak it ovr in stuf.

7 at teh meetn teh apawssles wuz laik "OMFG! Cut mah penes skinz! No wai!! No Srsly!" an dey wuz not happee an Petr stud an adresd tehm liek dis "Bros, u all knoes dat Ceiling cat choos me owt of u guyz a long tiem ago to preech to teh gentilez so dat they cud heer teh gud news an bleev in stuf, rite?

8 Ceiling Cat noes peep's harts, an he telld us he eksepts Jentilz by givn them teh howly sprite, jus liek he did to us kitties.

9 he said we were teh saem peeps, cuz he clensed their harts thru fathe.

10 so y r u noa goin, "Im in ur faiths, challengn Ceiling Cat n burdenn teh Jentilz wif leesh dat we dosnt hav to bare."

11 We bleev dat we ar all savd teh same wai, lol. cmon, peeps!

12 Den teh peepz wer kwaiyet fur Brnabbas n Pawl tu tell dem uf teh mirakles dat Ceiling Cat has shewed teh Jentailes. Liek when Ceiling Cat had Brnabaz ridin teh invisble bisicle ur wen Pawl wuz all pwned but teh Ceiling Cat maed hiz fur all shinee n soft.


Jamez on da lawzz of Dietz

13 Den un ufda kittehz wuz liek "Srsly..."

14 teh dood Saimun telled aws uf how teh Ceiling Cat taeked frum teh jentailes n maed teh lolcats.

15 Teh smrt catz new dis tu, cuz dey was all like:

16 Oh hai, Ai iz gonna b rite back, n Ai gonna maek an udder cookie. Evan tho Ai eated it Iz gonna maekded an udder.

17 Sew dat teh kittehs n teh lolcatz but not teh jentailes... (Ok, mebbe teh jentailes dat r naemed affer mai) sez it b teh Ceiling Cat dat iz teh pwner.

18 Dis b knowed fur evar.

19 Dis iz muh judgmentz, tht srsly pplz not makes it hard for da Gentilez, who be turnan to ceiling cat.

19 Ratherz, us kittenz shuld be makin da letters to dem. Tlkinz bout how to not eated foods polluted bis idols, n how to not get frisky and downzz, n to not eated the meats of animalz tht have been strangleded, and frum bloodz! Lyk srsly dats badzz .

20 Insted wez rait two dem, and sayed "no nom nomz with dem idle pollooshon, no seckshool baddehz, no strangled nom nomz or bluddys!".

21 Sins da Urfs was createded by Ceiling Cat Moses can has be preeched in all de sittys and on Caturdayz we can has reed in sinnagogs!!!11

Da Cownsil Lettr to Jentilz Bleverz

22 Den de apawsslz n eldrs, wif all dem, pik sum der pwn kittehs an send dem to Anteeyock wif Pawl an Brnabbas. Dem pik Judas (hoo dey call Brsabbas) an Silus, who haz lotz xperyuns. Srsly.

23 Wif dem, send dis lettr: De apawsslz an eldrs, ur bruvers, To da Jentilz bleverz in Anteeyock, Srsly, an Susillyah: Grtngs.

24 We herd sumz bad kittehs pownsd on u wifout owr sayin yes an dey bothr u, trublng ur maindz by wut dey sai.

25 So we allz sai, "letz pik sum gud kittehs an send dem wif Brnabbas an Pawl—

26 kittehs hoo risk all der cheezburgers an evrefing fur Ceiling Cat.

27 So we r to be sendin Judas an Silus. Dey noze wut we talkin about - dey can has ur rspekt.

28 Ceiling Cat fink dat givin u too many rulez maek u feel pwned, an we fink so too.  Is good enuf do dis:

29 No eetz foodz sacrficet to idlz. Staez awai frum blud, frum de meat uv animls pwnd by strangln, an frum sekshool imaralty. You staez awai frum all dat, u be gud kitteh. kthxbai.

30 Faur kitteh went bai to Antioch, where they haz big mietin of Jebuz believn kittehs and giv lettah.

31 N lotz of happynez wuz in church, n they wur all leik "LOL!"

32 Judaz n Silaz kittehs spiek gud soz they talk bout Ceilin Cat to other Jebuz beleivn kittehs.

33 Kittehs stay long tiem, n tehn Judaz n Silaz kittehs say bai and go to Jureusulum n sayz hai to those who said bai.

34 Paul n Barnbus kittehs don't sai bai to Aintioch so them can helpz other preachah kittehs.

36 Paul latrz says Barnbus, "Letz sai 'o hai' to teh litterbudz in al teh townz wur we preechd da Teeches of Sayvyurcat and sees how tehy is doing."

37 Barnbus wantz take John, who is also Marks, wit dem on teh tripz,

38 but Paul is liek, "WTF? No wai! John runs frum uz in Pamphylya and jus sleepz on couch n stufs."

39 Dey hizzus and scraches, den goes difrunt wayz. Barnbus takes Marks on watr trip to Siprus,

40 but Paul getz Silas and splitz, purrd pwn by teh litterbuds an wif cheezburgrz frum teh Topcat.

41 He goes thru Siriya and Cilicya, bilding upz da churchz.

Acts 15
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