Acts 15

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Acts 15
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John Romans Acts 14 Acts 16
Cownsil at teh Jerooselm

1 Sum peepelz camed down frum Joodayah to Anteeok an' wer teachin teh brudahz: "Unlez teh vry tip of yur pen15 iz cutted, accordin 2 teh custum tot by Mozez,Ceiling Cat wont waach u and U cant be savd." 2 Dis brot Paul and Barnabas, in 2 argament an' dispoot an' dabate wif dem. So Paul an' Barnabaz wer maded, along wif sum othr guyz, but not Chuck Norris, 2 go up to Jeroosalam to see the apossalz and elderz bout dis Kweztshun and 4 sum aice kreme. 3 Teh cherch sentz dem on deir waie, an' az dey maded waie thru Foneeshia an' Samarea, dey tuld how teh Jentailes had been maded into not-Jentailes. Dis nooz maded all teh brudahz vry Happiez!

{{verse |4= Wen dey camed 2 Jeroosalam, dey wer welcumed bai teh church an' teh apossalz and elderz cuz dey brot bak cheezeburgerz, and dey tulded whol storie and everythin Cieling Cat had dun thru dem. |5= But den sum ov teh new Christianz hoo wuz liek sort of liek teh Fariseez stood up an sayed, "Teh Jentilz needz hav there pen15 tips cut an dat they need 2 foloa teh law ov Mosez." srsly!

|6= So teh apawssles an elders liek met togethr to tlak it ovr in stuf. |7= at teh meetn teh apawssles wuz laik "OMFG! Cut mah pen15! No wai!! No Srsly!" an dey wuz not happee an Petr stud an adresd tehm liek dis: "Bros, u all knoes dat Ceiling cat choos me owt of u guyz a long tiem ago 2 preech 2 teh gentilez so dat they cud heer teh gud news an bleev in stuf, rite? |8= Ceiling Cat noes peep's harts, an he telld us he eksepts Jentilz by givn them teh howly sprite, jus liek he did 2 us kitties. |9= he said we were teh saem peeps, cuz he clensed their harts thru fathe. |10= so y r u noa goin, "Im in ur faiths, challengn Ceiling Cat n burdenn teh Jentilz wif leesh dat we dosnt hav 2 bare." |11= We bleev dat we ar all savd teh same wai, lol. cmon, peeps! |12= Den teh peepz wer kwaiyet fur Brnabbas n Pawl tu tell dem uf teh mirakles dat Ceiling Cat has shewed teh Jentailes. Liek when Ceiling Cat had Brnabaz ridin teh invisble bisicle ur wen Pawl wuz all pwned but teh Ceiling Cat maed hiz fur all shinee n soft. }

Jamez on da lawzz of Dietz

13 Den un ufda kittehz wuz liek "Srsly..."14 teh dood Saimun telled aws uf how teh Ceiling Cat taeked frum teh jentailes n maed teh lolcats.15 Teh smrt catz new dis tu, cuz dey was all like:

16 Oh hai, Ai iz gonna b rite back, n Ai gonna maek an udder cookie. Evan tho Ai eated it Iz gonna maekded an udder.
17 Sew dat teh kittehs n teh lolcatz but not teh jentailes... (Ok, mebbe teh jentailes dat r naemed affer mai) sez it b teh Ceiling Cat dat iz teh pwner.
18 Dis b knowed fur evar.
19 Dis iz muh judgmentz, tht srsly pplz not makes it hard for da Gentilez, who be turnan to ceiling cat.
19 Ratherz, us kittenz shuld be makin da letters to dem. Tlkinz bout how to not eated foods polluted bis idols, n how to not get frisky and downzz, n to not eated the meats of animalz tht have been strangleded, and frum bloodz! Lyk srsly dats badzz .

end of translation

20Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood. 21For Moses has been preached in every city from the earliest times and is read in the synagogues on every Sabbath." The Council's Letter to Gentile Believers 22Then the apostles and elders, with the whole church, decided to choose some of their own men and send them to Antioch with Paul and Barnabas. They chose Judas (called Barsabbas) and Silas, two men who were leaders among the brothers. 23With them they sent the following letter: The apostles and elders, your brothers, To the Gentile believers in Antioch, Syria and Cilicia: Greetings. 24We have heard that some went out from us without our authorization and disturbed you, troubling your minds by what they said. 25So we all agreed to choose some men and send them to you with our dear friends Barnabas and Paul— 26men who have risked their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 27Therefore we are sending Judas and Silas to confirm by word of mouth what we are writing. 28It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements: 29You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things. Farewell. 30The men were sent off and went down to Antioch, where they gathered the church together and delivered the letter. 31The people read it and were glad for its encouraging message. 32Judas and Silas, who themselves were prophets, said much to encourage and strengthen the brothers. 33After spending some time there, they were sent off by the brothers with the blessing of peace to return to those who had sent them. 35But Paul and Barnabas remained in Antioch, where they and many others taught and preached the word of the Lord. Disagreement Between Paul and Barnabas 36Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, "Let us go back and visit the brothers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing." 37Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, 38but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. 39They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, 40but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

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