Acts 14

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Paul an Barnabas in Iconium

1 kk, so teh saem ting happun in Iconium. Paul an Barnabas went to teh tempul an preechded so gud dat lots ov kittehs becaem Kittetians.2 Sum ov teh bad kittehs changeded Ceiling Cat's messuj an liek poisond teh mindz of teh kittehs against Paul and Barnabas.3 But dey wer der long tiem in teh town, preachin teh grace of Ceiling Cat. An Paul an Barnabas got liek powrs to do meericles an stuf, srsly.4 But soem peeps sited wif teh Jewcats, an soem wif teh apawsles.5 Den a lots ov kittehs deesided to be ghey an thro rocks at dem.6 Wen teh apawsles fownd owt, dey ran away to Lycaonia to teh towns ov Lystra an Derbe in stuf so dat teh badkitties wudnt pwn dem.7 An dey preechded teh gud news der.

Paul an Barnabas in Lystra an Derbe

8 So when they wuz at Lystra, tehy fownd a kittie wif broken paws. An liek, he had always ben dat way, so he nevr evr walkd b4. Srsly. He wuz sittin9 an listnn wilz Paul waz preechin. So he liek stard at Paul an Paul sawz dat he has faith 2 be heald.10 So liek Paul say, "LOL, STAND UP!" an teh kittie wif broken paws jumped up an started walkin.11 Wem teh crowd see wut Paul did, tehy were liek, OMFG thees doodz r liek teh gawdz!12 The decided dat Barnabas wuz teh Ceiling Cat Zues an Paul wuz Hermez, cuz he wuz teh chief speekurcat.13 Teh tempul ov Zeus wuz jus owtsied town. So teh priestcat ov teh tempul an teh mob brot moocows an big sexy colers madd owt of flowrs 2 teh gate so they cud liek set teh moocows on feir so dat Paul an Barnabas cud smel it an liek it sinss teh godz liek teh smel ov ded moocows lol.14 But wen teh apawssles fownd owt, they wuz liek, "Oh noes! Dey be wurshipin teh rong Ceiling Cat!1!!!1" an tehy tor up their cloths in stuf in dismay. Tehy ran out to teh peeps, shoutin,15 "Frenz, why you be doin dis? We wuz jus kitties liek u! We has come to brin u teh gud news dat you shud, liek, stop bowin at these ghey statues (lol, tehyd be beter as scrachin posts haha) an turn 2 teh REAL Ceiling Cat, cuz he liek maded teh Ceiling an teh Floor, teh bafftub, an al teh fishies so cud eats dem!16 "In da past, he let al teh nashuns 2 go tehir own ways,17 But he nevr left dem witout givn em clooes ov Ceiling Cat's cheezburgers!K, heeres a gud egsampl- he sendz u rane an people to feed you an lots of cookies an cheezburgers, so you cud be lots happy."18 But evn wif dees werds, Paul an Barnabas cud barely restrane teh peeps frum burning teh moocows for them.19 den sum Jewush cats arivd frum Antioh an Iconium an won teh crowdz faver. Tehy throd rocks at Paul an liek dragged him out ov town, cuz they thot he wuz ded.20 But when teh Christians gatherd arown him, he got up an went bak into teh town. Teh next dai he left wif Barnabas 2 go 2 Derbe.

Paul an Barnabas go bak 2 Antioch of Syria

21 kk, so aftr dat, Paul an Barnabas wuz liek, "Im in ur Derbe, makin lotz da dissiplz...w00t!" Then th3y reterned 2 Lystra, Iconium, an Antioch of Pisidia,22 wer they maded teh beleevrs strongr in stuf. Tehy encouraged them 2 keep it in da faith y'all, remindin them dat lotsa peeps wud steal ther cheezburgers, but dat waz okay cuz u haf to hav hardships to get 2 teh kingdon of Ceiling Cat.23 They even put eldercats in evry chrch. wif preyr an fastin, they turnd teh eldars ovar 2 teh ceyre of teh Ceiling Cat.24 Den they traveld bak thru Pisidia 2 Pamfylia. They preechd teh werd in Perga, den went down 2 Attalia.26 Finnaly, they reternd by ship 2 Antioch ov Syria, wer their journy had startd. Teh believrs thar had entrusd tem 2 teh cheezburgers of Ceiling Cat 2 do teh werk they had jus noa finished.27 So Paul an Barnabas got in Antioch, an they calld teh church together an talkdd abow al teh stuf Ceiling Cat had dun thru them an how he liek opened teh big closet ful of cookies 2 teh Gentilez, 2.28 An tehy stayd thar wif teh believers 4 long tiem.

Acts 14
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