Acts 11

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New Testament

Peter Sez Wy He Did Stuff

1 Teh gud kittehs in Judea hurd bowt Gentiles getin cheezburgerz from Ceiling Cat.2 So wen Peter wuz off to Jerusalem, teh kittehs wit cut pen13 gotz mad3 an sez, "BAD KITTEH! Yu eated cheezburgerz with catz can haz no cut pen13."

4 Peter iz all:5 "I wuz preyin in Joppa an seed pikshurez in mai hed. Liek Ceiling cat wuz maekin teh bed aroun me.6 I seed lotz of aminalz an moocowz and burds on teh blankt.7 Then some1 sez, 'O hai, Peter. Pwn and eatz.'

8 "I sez, 'WTF Ceiling Cat! I no can haz eat bad foodsez.'

9 "Invisibul voice iz all, 'Don diss foodsez I maked. N00b.'10 An it kep happenin.

11 "K and then BFz form Caesarea cameded to teh house.12 Invisibul voice sez go with tehm. An there littermaytz too, an we goed to a manz place.13 Him seed an anjul wut telled him, 'Git Simon from Joppa but naem iz reelly Peter lol.14 Him gotz a msg will bring cheezburgrs to ur bukkit.'

15 "So I wuz sayen, but then Invisibul Cat pwned tehm liek me.16 An ai membered Ceiling Cat sayed: 'John washt yu with watr, an yu wuz all WTF! I DUN LIEK WET ON FURZ!, NP, you can haz washt with Invisibul Cat tihs tiem.'17 So Invisibul Cat gived tehm saem cheezburgerz az us, I must be sum kind of n00b LOL!!!1"

18 An tehy ar all srry and liek, "Ceiling Cat can gievs cheezburgerz evn to Gentile catzes."

Teh Hoelie Couch in Antioch

19 Catzes who roamded cuz of Stephen getting pwned gotz far as Phoenicia, Cyprus and Antioch LOL! Tehy were only haz talks wit Jewz.20 But not all. Sum catz form Greek were kewl with can talks to Greek d00dz.21 Ceiling Catz paw wuz on tehm, and tehy maed lots ppl frenz wit Ceiling Cat.22 PPl in Jerusalem heared, an maed Barnabas go to Antioch.23 He seed abowt teh cheezburgerz of ceiling Cat, an he wuz all catnip.24 Gud cat. GUD CAT!

25 Barnabas stalkt Saul in Tarsus,26 an pounced, an pwnt him an browt him to Antioch. So tehy chillt for a yeer wit teh ppl there. Tehy were liek, "Letz call us Christshunz", so tehy did.

27 Moer ppls came to Antioch LOL!28 Invisibul Cat maked Agabus sed that ther can haz no eatz in Rome for a whiel.29 Gud catz sent stuff to Judea.30 Barnabas an Saul helpt.

Acts 11
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