2 Samuel 21
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Teh gibeonitez avengd - When PWNZORS Get PWNED
1 durin teh reign ov david, thar wuz famine 4 3 succesiv yeers; so david sought teh face ov teh lord. Teh lord sed, "it on akownt ov saul an his blood-staind houz; it cuz he put teh gibeonitez 2 death."2 teh king summond teh gibeonitez an spoke 2 them. (nao teh gibeonitez wuz not part ov israel but wuz survivors ov teh amoritez; teh israelitez had sworn 2 spare them, but saul in his zeal 4 israel an judah had trid 2 annihilate them.)3 david askd teh gibeonitez, "wut shall i doez 4 u? How shall i mak amendz so dat u will bles teh lordz inheritance?"4 teh gibeonitez anzwerd him, "we has no rite 2 demand silvr or gold frum saul or his pplz, nor do we has teh rite 2 put anyone in israel 2 death." "wut do u wants me 2 do 4 u?" david askd.5 they anzwerd teh king, "as 4 da man hoo destroyd us an plottd against us so dat we has been decimatd an has no place anywhere in israel,6 let 7 ov his male descendants be given 2 us 2 be killd an exposd before teh lord at gibeah ov saulâ teh lord s chosen wan." So teh king sed, "im gonna giv them 2 u."7 teh king spard mefibosheth son ov jonathan, teh son ov saul, cuz ov teh oath before teh lord tween david an jonathan son ov saul.8 but teh king took armoni an mefibosheth, teh 2 sons ov aiahs daughtr rizpah, whom she had borne 2 saul, togethr wif teh 5 sons ov sauls daughtr merab, [a] whom she had borne 2 adriel son ov barzillai teh meholathite.9 he handd them ovar 2 teh gibeonitez, hoo killd an exposd them on hill before teh lord. All 7 ov them fell togethr; they wuz put 2 death durin teh furst dais ov teh harvest, jus as teh barley harvest wuz beginnin.10 rizpah daughtr ov aiah took sackcloth an spread it out 4 herself on rawk. Frum teh beginnin ov teh harvest till teh rane pourd down frum teh heavens on teh bodiez, she did not let teh birdz ov teh air touch them by dai or teh wild animals by nite.11 when david wuz told wut aiahs daughtr rizpah, sauls concubine, had dun,12 he went an took teh bonez ov saul an his son jonathan frum teh citizens ov jabesh gilead. (they had taken them secretly frum teh public square at beth shan, wer teh filistinez had hung them aftr they struck saul down on gilboa.)13 david brought teh bonez ov saul an his son jonathan frum thar, an teh bonez ov dose hoo had been killd an exposd wuz gatherd up.14 they burid teh bonez ov saul an his son jonathan in da tomb ov sauls fathr kish, at zela in benjamin, an did evrythin teh king commandd. Aftr dat, ceilin cat anzwerd prayr in behalf ov teh land.
Israel vs. Filistine - Teh Epic Battlez
15 once again thar wuz battle tween teh filistinez an israel. David went down wif his doodz 2 fight against teh filistinez, an he became exhaustd.16 Isreal had famine in teh daze of david for three years. srsly. Cieling cat blamed saul and said for every1 to throw there KFC at him even tho teh people said they were goin 2 eated it before.17 an ishbi-benob, wan ov teh descendants ov rafa, whose bronze spearhead weighd 3 hundrd shekels [b] an hoo wuz armd wif new sword , sed he wud kill david.18 but abishai son ov zeruiah came 2 davidz rescue; he struck teh filistine down an killd him. Den davidz doodz swore 2 him, sayin, "nevr again will u go out wif us 2 battle, so dat teh lamp ov israel will not be extinguishd."19 in da course ov tiem, thar wuz anothr battle wif teh filistinez, at gob. At dat tiem sibbecai teh hushathite killd saf, wan ov teh descendants ov rafa.20 in anothr battle wif teh filistinez at gob, elhanan son ov jaare-oregim [c] teh bethlehemite killd goliath [d] teh gittite, hoo had spear wif shaft liek weavers rod.21 in still anothr battle, which took place at gath, thar wuz huge man wif 6 fingers on each hand an 6 toez on each foot, twenty-4 in all. He also wuz descendd frum rafa.22 when he tauntd israel, jonathan son ov shimeah, davidz brothr, killd him.23 thees 4 wuz descendants ov rafa in gath, an they fell at teh hanz ov david an his doodz.
- a - 2 samuel 21:8 2 hebrew manuscripts, sum septuagint manuscripts an syriac (c also 1 samuel 18:19 most hebrew an septuagint manuscripts michal
- b - 2 samuel 21:16 dat iz, bout 7 1/2 poundz (bout 3.5 kilograms)
- c - 2 samuel 21:19 or son ov jair teh weavr
- d - 2 samuel 21:19 hebrew an septuagint; 1 chron. 20:5 son ov jair killd lahmi teh brothr ov goliath
|“2 Samuel 21”|
|← Previous||Next →||← Previous||Next →|
|1 Samuel||1 Kings||2 Samuel 20||2 Samuel 22|