2 Samuel 10

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Old Testament
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David PWNS teh Ammonites

1 den teh king of teh kittehs of Ammen got deaded an askendud in2 ceilin, an Hannen becam King.2 Devid sed "Hannen can has cheezburger becuz Ammen gev me cheezburger. so Devid sended his hoomin servents 2 Hannen, so Hannen can has comfert.3 but Hannens servents sed "Devid wants 2 spyzorz on you mah kitteh! hes a nastee kat!"

4 so Hannen shavud all of Devids servents so dat one half were furry an teh udder not. o noes!5 wehn Devid heer dis, he sed "stayz heer in Jayreeco til yous all fuzzy agen."6 but when Ammens kittehs hurd dat Devid wuz sad, dey sent out loadsa trupes, turty tree tousand.7 an Devid sent out his trupes to battul.

8 an Ammens kittehs caem out,9 an Joab caem out agenst em,10 an is brutha Abisai 2.

11 an Joab sed, "if 1 of us is faylin in teh battul, den he can has help frum teh udder, kk? kthx.12 Ceilin Kat b wit us, mah brutha!"13 an then teh battul kommensd,14 an Joab pwned teh kittehs of Ammen, an dey retreetud in2 teh citee.

15 aftr teh arameanz saw dat they had been routd by israel, they regroupd.16 hadadezr had arameanz brought frum beyond teh rivr [a] ; they went 2 helam, wif shobach teh commandr ov hadadezers army leadin them.17 when david wuz told ov dis, he gatherd all israel, crosd teh jordan an went 2 helam. Teh arameanz formd their battle linez 2 meet david an fought against him.

18 but they fld before israel, an david killd 7 hundrd ov their charioteers an forty thousand ov their foot soldiers. [b] he also struck down shobach teh commandr ov their army, an he did thar.19 when all teh kings hoo wuz vasals ov hadadezr saw dat they had been defeatd by israel, they made peace wif teh israelitez an became subject 2 them. So teh arameanz wuz afraid 2 halp teh ammonitez nomore.

Teh Footnotez
  • a - 2 samuel 10:16 dat iz, teh eufratez
  • b - 2 samuel 10:18 sum septuagint manuscripts (c also 1 chron. 19:18 hebrew horsemen
2 Samuel 10
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