2 Kings 4

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Old Testament
2 Kings 4
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1 Kings 1 Chronicles 2 Kings 3 2 Kings 5
Elisha iz teh Halpin Pour Widoe

1 Pour Widoe coemz an says, "Mah huzband iz deded! Nauw tay thretn too tak mah sonz! Halp!"

2 "How ai halp?", sez Elisha. "Wat n ur houz?" And den teh widoe sed "nuttin! jaust oliv oiel! Srsly!"

3 Elisha respawndz "Barow imptee jarz from friends.

4 Den go to ur houz with ur sonz and shut door. Phill teh jarz with oliv oiel! lol!"

5 Her did az her waz told.

6 Dem jarz was all filled up! "Can I has more jarz?" sez teh widoe too har sonz. "Thar is none lefted!" reply teh sonz.

7 So her goes bak to Elisha an iz all liek "Wat nauw!?!?" Elisha sez "Sell jarz, kk? Enuff monay left too saport ur sonz! K thnx bai!"

Elisha an teh Shunem Cat

8 Elisha traveiled on invisible skooter to Shunem. Wellthy cat invited Elisha to come an eatz wit har. From den on, he wud stopz and ask for cheezburger whanevar him wood pass bai.

9 Wellthy cat sez to huzband cat, "Ai is shure dat cat dat stop hare iz a holey cat of ceiling cat.

10 Lez mak ruem for him on rewfz! Den he wil hav plase tu stay!"

11 Elisha retoorned one caturday an wint to his ruem to rezt.

12 He deemandid to speekz wit weelthee cat.

13 Elisha wanntz too noe what him caan du for wellthy cat.

14 Elisha azks servent, "Wat u dink wez can du for har?" Sarvvent repliz, "Her hav no kitten and har huzbend iz old lol!"

15 "Cal har bak!" sez Elisha.

16 Elisha sayz, "Dis time next yar, u will hav kitten!" "LIEZ!!!!!" sez wellthy cat.

17 But den wellthee cat beecaim pregnint!

18 Wen kitty waz oldher, he go outzide.

19 He suddley sed, "Oh noes!!! Mah head hurted!"

20 Sarvent tok him home, but him waz ded by noon.

21 Wellthy cat poot kitty in teh bedzors of Elisha.

22 Sant mezzage too huzbend: "Send an invisible bik!"

23 Huzbend goes "WHYZz!?!?!?!?Q!?" "DOIT!!!" she sez bak.

24 Wellthee cat set oot on invisible bik.

25 Elisha saw wellthee cat uzing majic goggles and talez sarvant, "Goes doun to har!"

26 Sarvant sez, "Averything kk?" "Yas" sez teh lying wellthe cat.

27 Wellthy cat fallen to grund and Elisha sez "Ceiling cat haz not told meh wat iz wrong wit wellthy cat..."

28 Dan her says, "U SED I WUD HAZ A SON! LIEZ!!!!!!!!"

29 Elisha sed to sarvant, "Go poot stauf on kitty's face!"

30 "Go wit uz, Elisha cat!" sez wellthee cat. "kk!" respawnds Elisha.

31 Sarvant want aheed an put stauf on kitty's face and nuttin hapend.

32 Wan Elisha cat arrived, teh kitty waz indeed ded.

33 He went in alune and praied to Ceiling Cat.

34 Dan he lay onn kitty and kitty startted to gruw waarm agane!

35 Elisha cat gut upz and walkedd aroond. Den he lay onn kitty and kitty sneezeded seven timez!

36 Den he sez to wellthee cat, "Heer!!! Tak ur son!"

37 Den wellthee cat lefted.

Miracles Durreen a Fameen

38 Grup of profeet cats sat befour Elisha cat. Elisha cat sez to sarvent, "Mak dem sum stew, kk?"

39 Sarvent cat wented an piked veggies, but diddnt knoes they waz POINSONOUS!!!

40 Afftar profeet cats ate coople bits, dey waz all liek "DAR IZ POIZON IN DIS HER SOUP!"

41 Den Elisha sez to sarvent cat, "Go git floour". Teh catz ate it, and dey were bettar!

42 One dayz a cat bringz lotts of cheezburgers. Elisha cat sez "Giv to profeet cats!"

43 "Wuut? Dar is not enuff" sayz teh cat. But Elish cat repeeted, "Giv eet to dem. Thar wil bee plantee."

44 And sur enuff, thar waz plantee four all teh cats, juzt az teh Ceiling Cat promized.

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