2 Kings 16

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Old Testament
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Ahaz Kyng Kitteh uv Judah

1 Ahaz wuz sun uv Jothan an hee wuz startd 2B kyng uv Judah.2 Ahaz wuz 20 yeers old an reynd 4 16 yeers. He was Bad Kitteh an didz Invisible Errors.3 Jus lyk in teh old dais, hee offed hiz sun as sacerfyce to Ceiling Cat.4 He burn insens evrywer, on all teh hillz. Nawt a guud ting.

5 Tehn ther wuz a fite. Kingz Rezin n Pekah wen 2 fite Ahaz butt cld nawt cum in2 teh citi n win teh fite.6 But Rezin bootd Ahaz'z fiters outuv Elath sew teh Edomites cld liv ther.

7 So Ahaz sent kittehs 2 Assyria 2 sai 2 Kynge Tiglath-Pileser "Oh Hai. Dis messg iz frum Ahaz. U R mai bosskat. Cum help mee as Ah am in trubba. kthxbai!"8 Ahaz sent goald an silber bling wid teh messg as insentiv 2 maek Tiglath-Pileser cum soon.9 Teh Kynge uv Assyria sed "K!". He attaxckd an tehn all Damascus R belong to him. Rezin wuz ded.

10 Ahaz went vizit to Tiglath-Pileser@Dasmascus.Assyria 2 sai "Thx!" Hee saw an altar ther an sent a naice pixtur of it 2 hiz preest Uriah. He wans 1 jus liek it at hoam. Dis Uriah wuz nawt in rawk band or Dickenz buuk eethur.11 Sew Uriah maed teh altar, sew hee cld sai to Ahaz "Is gift!".12 Ahaz uzed teh new altar 4 offrings 2 Assyrian godz.13 Hee burnd catsnip on teh altar, pord wattr frum teh wattr bol and offrd bluud 2.14 Ahaz tehn movd teh guud altar uv Ceiling Cat off 2 teh sied, owt uv teh way.

15 Ahaz axd Uriah 2 yooz teh noo altar fur all teh reglar offrings - fur meet, granes, drinx an bluud. Ahaz stil yoozd Ceiling Cat'z altar 2.16 Uriah did waht hee wuz tolled to. He no fool; not gett offd by teh Kynge.

17 Ahaz also movd teh templ furntur aroun. This wuz be impotent 2 putt in teh Bible (dis buuk).18 He also maid naice wit teh Kyng uv Assyria bye chanjing teh stuff outsyd teh templ.

19 Ahaz did odder stuff butt U can google taht in teh histree buuks.20 Tehn he dyd and wuz burreed wit teh odder King-Kats. Nex Kyng = Hezekiah.

2 Kings 16
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