2 Kings 15
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Azariah teh kyng uv j00dah
1 K, so aftur dis dood Jeraboam wuz in Izreal r00lin dere peepz 4 liek 27 hooman yeerz, Azariah who wuz Amaziah's kitteh wuz kyng nex.2 He wuz onli 16 hooman yeerz wen he caem in at 1st but he wuz bosscat 4 lyk srsly 52 hooman yeerz!3 He wuz gud kitteh, allwayz use litur box liek his poppacat teech him cuz dey liek Ceiling Cat and noez Ceiling Cat does NOT want piddle on floorz.4 Dey kept teh tall scratchi posts tho so evrybudy cud clim up & offur up dere ded mice 2 dere invizibul sky doodz, and has warm fyrez.
5 Den 4 sum reezun Ceiling Cat gaev teh kyng teh nasty itchi fur & fleez an he skritch & skratch at it an it keeped falin out 4 teh rest uv his life, srsly, & nobuddy wanted 2 pet him or be aroun him so they din let him sleep wit teh hyoominz or evin b wif teh uthr kittehz, dat wuz how grose he wuz. Dey put him in hiz own room an din let him out, not evn 4 kyng stuffz! So hiz kitteh Jotham got all teh 1337 kyng upgradez.
6 ROFL plz dun tel me u din noe bowt teh book of teh annulz of teh kyngz of J00dah. Go reed it n00b, kthxbai. ...K dun? Gud, now u can haz nollij abowt Azariah.7 Azariah had teh long kitteh nap wif hiz grankittehz under teh groun nex 2 teh Citeh uv David. An den hiz kitteh Jotham becaem kyng 4 reel evn tho he allredi had all teh 1337 kyng upgradez, LOL.
Zechariah teh kyng uv Izreal
8 In teh firty-eighfth yeer wen Azariah wuz r00lin J00dah, Zechariah teh kitteh of Jeraboam becaem kyng uv Izreal in Samaria but onli for 6 munthz, LMAO.9 He wuz a rly bad kitteh doin rly bad stuf in front of Ceiling Cat, liek prolly not goin in teh litur box, ew. Hiz daddeh Jeraboam wuz bad an maed Izreal do srsly bad stuf, but hiz kitteh din caer cuz he wuz jus as bad and keeped doin teh saem stuf.
10 Shallum who wuz jabeshes kitteh wuz liek "ALL UR WET FUD IZ MIEN NAO!!!!" and liek jumped on Zechariah in frunt uv evrybuddi, o noes! An Shallum pwned Zechariah rly hard wif hiz clawz an wuz totali kyng.11 U can luk it up in teh book uv teh annulz mebbe if u wunt but dis gye wuz onli kyng 4 liek 6 monthz b4 he got pwned and he wuz teh sux0rz n e wai.......jus sayin.12 Scoar 1 for Ceiling Cat, 4 jennerayshunz uv kyngz ftw. take taht Jehu!!!!PWNT
Shallum teh kyng uv Izreal
13 Shallum becaem kyng in teh firty-ninef yeer uv Uzziah kyng uv j00dah, an he wuz such a n00b he wuz onli in ur Izreal r00lin ur peepz for 1 munth, lolol.14 Cuz tihs dood Menahem road tripped frum Tirzah 2 pwn him, an he pwned him and wuz teh kyng rite den.
15 But u dun haev 2 taek my wurd 4 it. get a libary card an reed abowt teh stuf dat hapned wile Shallum wuz kyng, an hao he tryed to do sneeky bakstabbi stuf but he prolly cudnt cuz he got pwned aftur 1 munth, ROFLMAO.
16 So on dis road trip from Tirzah Menahem did bad stuf 2 dis plaec caled Tiphsah cuz he scratch on teh door and mew all kyoot but dey din let him in prolly cuz dey herd he wuz bad kitteh. Soz den wen he got in he broked evryfing in Tiphsah and he scratch out the baby kittens stil in teh mommakitteh tummiez jus 2 b meen, Iz ded srs rite nao.
Menahem teh kyng uv Izreal
17 In teh firty-ninf yeer aftur Azariah (remembr him? lulz!!) wuz kyng uv j00dah, Menahem, Gadi's kitteh becaem teh kyng of Izreal an he stade dere for 10 hole yerz.18 He wuz a bad kitteh an prolly din use hiz littur box neethur, an he did da same bad stuf liek da othr dood Jeraboam who maed Izreal do bad stuf 2. A hole counchry of kittehz not uzin dere littur boxs, jus goin in teh hows, can u imajjin. Ceiling Cat DO NOT WANT.
19 Den OMG, dis dood naemd (I iz sware Iz not makin dis up) Pul, hu wuz teh kyng uv A$$yria, got 2getha a totali 1337 gild and raded Izreal. But Menahem payed him a fouzand munniez 2 kill 50 koboldz in teh dark forest. No, w8! OMG sry, my bad!! He gaev him a fouzand munniez but it wuz 2 win him ovr an proteckt hiz r00lin in Izreal.20 BTW, Menahem got dese munniez frum Izreal. All teh rich kittehz in Izreal had 2 pay Menahem 50 munniez. An Kyng Pul (LOL) wuz all liek 'K Thx, cya sukkaz' an went bak 2 A$$yria.
21 U r srsly dum, sry. Hao meny tiemz doez I has 2 tel u, u can reed all bowt dis in dat annulz book, liek if u wanna noe sumfin bowt Menahem, u jus luk undr 'M.' Srsly.22 Menahem tooked teh long kitteh nap wif hiz grandkittehs. dat meenz Pekahiah his kitteh iz nex.
Pekahiah teh kyng uv Izreal
23 So aftur 50 hyoomin yeerz of Azariah wen hiz fur wuz alreddi all nasti, Pekahiah wuz da kyng uv Izreal in Samariah, lastin for 2 yeerz.24 Pekahiah din use his littur box neether and Ceiling Cat din liek him, cuz he did teh same bad stufs as teh othr bad kittehs dat I al reddi told u bowt b4.25 Evn hiz frenz din liek him, speshully dis cheef ofiser named Pekah (kitteh of Remaliah if u caer), prolly cuz he dun liek him havin teh saem naem but liek jus a littul fansier. He got 2getha a hy00j gild uv lyk 50 waryurz & mayjez & preestz & rogez & stuffz from Gilead wich iz rly da bes plaec 2 get a gild, and dey raded da kyngz paliss in Samaria. Dey pwned da kyng & dese peepz u nevr herd uv cald Argob adn Ariah, nd tehy tuk teh royal cheezburger so dey can has spoilz. And dat made Pekah kyng but nobuddy noticed teh diffruns cuz dey had almose teh saem name n e waez, lol.
26 U shud reed bout Pekahiah in teh annulz ov teh kyngz. He did lotz of stufs.
Pekah teh kyng uv Izreal
27 When Azriah jus bowt to l00z hiz bukkit in hiz fiffy-sekkund yeer, datz wen Pekah kitteh of Remaliah pwnt Pekahiah and becaem teh kyng. He keeped teh comfy kyng chair for 20 hyoomin yeerz.28 He wuz bad kitteh, makin messes evrywere, doin saem bad stuf as other kyngz adn makin Ceiling Cat puff up angry in teh Ceiling.29 Wile Pekah wuz bizzy playin wif favrit sckweeky toy tihs d00d Tiglath-Pileser, who wuz kyng uv A$$yria, duh, cuz dey can haz teh best namez, stealed Ijon, Abel Beth Maakah, Janoah, Kedesh, an Hazor wile nobodee wuz lookin. Den he tooked Gilead adn Galilee (& Naphtali wif it) jus 4 teh lulz an brot evrybudy he kapchurrd bak 2 A$$yria.30 So den dis d00d cald Hoshea, kitteh ov Elah, figgurd owt he din liek Pekah much prolly cuz he jus lettin randum kyngz uv A$$yria get al up in Izreals gril liek dat. So he jumped on him and pwned him gud and den he wuz kyng. BTW Jotham, kitteh ov Uzziah dat gye I menchund way bak, he been kyng 4 liek 20 yeerz by den, jus thot u shud noe. nollij iz powurr.
31 Speekin uv nollij, if u wuntz 2 has nollij abowt Pekah u has 2 READ MOAR. Sry but dat is just da way it iz. U wil find it all in teh annulz ov teh kyngz ov Izreal, amirite?!?!?
Jotham teh kyng uv j00dah
32 So wen Pekah kitteh ov Remaliah wuz kyng for 2 yeerz nao, Jotham teh kitteh ov Uzziah wuz jus startin 2 r00l ovr j00dah.33 He wuz 25 wen he started an den he stayed kyng for 16 yeerz. O, an hiz mamas naem wuz Jerusha an her daddeh's naem wuz Zadok, cant beleef i almos lef dat owt.34 Ceiling Cat lieked him cuz he did good stuff and wuz a good kitteh like his daddeh.35 Dey kept teh tall scratchi posts tho so evrybudy cud clim up & offur up dere ded mice 2 dere invizibul sky doodz, and has warm fyrez, but Jotham rebilt sum upurr templ gate 2 da Ceiling Cat so mebbe dat maekz up 4 it, i meen Ceiling Cat din giev him teh nasti ichee fur dizeez or nuthin LOL! Sry, spoilerz! LMAO!!!
36 If u rly caerd bowt dis stuf, u wud reed da anulz uv teh kyngz uf j00dah, pozur.37 (Bak den Ceiling Cat wuz setin up a big kitteh fite wif Rezin kyng uv Aram and Pekah kitteh uv Remaliah verzus j00dah.)38 Jotham took his long kitteh napz in the grownd nex 2 teh Citeh ov David, citeh ov hiz papakitteh. Hiz kitteh wuz teh nex kyng, letz find out how gud dat wurkt owt, LoL.
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